My Lover Won’t Commit

There is no denying relationships are more complicated than they’ve been in the past. It’s become common people have conflicting desires or ideas around how relationship should form or be maintained… or not maintained.

I see a lot people who seem to “travel” through relationships. They’re sort of constantly… moving… on.

The is difficult for a person who is more interested in investing their love and energy and yes – their cash – into a something that’s more like a BANK. You deposit something and it’s still there in a year? In fact, you can draw on it!

This problem is exacerbated by all the fog and confusion out there at this time. As always, astrology can help clarify things.

To specifically answer the title question; if two people cannot agree on a direction to take, that’s it. You’re toast!

But on the upside, once you make the cut, you’re free to fish another line!

Have you ever wasted time, trying to get someone to want something that you wanted them to want?

4 thoughts on “My Lover Won’t Commit”

  1. I have my Cancer North Node exactly conjunct my Ascendant, right on top of it so I have struggled with this issue all my life and I am 56.

    My dad left when I was young, and I started throwing myself at men when I hit puberty. The only message I got from what was left of my family was to get married to anyone who agreed to it. My mom never had another romance after my dad left, and her life was a great struggle back in the 1970’s as she tried to raise me while she was in and out of recovery for her wine and narcotic addiction.

    I was always treated like an affair by boyfriends, whether they were single or not. It did not matter that I had a steady job, I was never seen by them as worthy of a commitment but they were faithful while we dated. I was insecure because I always wanted to be married. I ended up marrying and divorcing a friend who I was not romantically attracted to. I never married again, I realized I was not actually interested in marriage. I just wanted to be accepted for who I was. My relationships were always me playing the adoring doormat.

    Then I got pregnant. I threw all my determination into raising my son. I placed him on a pedestal and made him my everything. It really helped and suddenly I met someone who I got into a sugar daddy relationship with. Unfortunately, he resented it greatly. He resented it because he was being a sugar daddy after having married a sugar momma who passed away and left him money. He did not appreciate the roles reversed. He improved our life financially 100%, but emotionally I was the same old wreck.

    He died, and I began my journey of following my North Node. I ended up following my dream of self employment. Then one day 9 yrs ago, a man knocked on my front door. He became my beloved boyfriend all these years later. I have zero expectations out of him. He can come and go as he pleases. He helps me and treats me with respect because I don’t ask for any. Our relationship is based on gratitude and building each other up and caring enough to call each other out if we see fit without taking it personally.

    I found that when I quit searching and throwing myself at it, I got exactly what I want and need. Anyone else who knows me and him and our situation insists in private that I should make demands and ultimatums. Some people will always look a gift horse in the mouth.

  2. I already commented on the video page, but I can say my Venus is trine Pluto and trine my MC. Not a super, warm and cuddly aspect but strangely, I am or can be VERY affectionate. I have been married but have dragged it through the mud for over 25 years during and after and i am tired of being in the mud. I had great boyfriends before marriage but only lasted a year or two at the most. Then got my heart broken whenthey left. They all remember me fondly though (they have told me and others). Venus is in Capricorn and I do kinda see depositing love as in a bank to draw on. But when mismatched, the deposits are few and far between.

  3. Thanks, Sherry, for telling your story. It seems like much of it is recognizable for me at least – and probably others too.

    For me, yes – I’ve been with a man for 8 years, lived together for 6 years – and when I told him I was ready for an engagement if he so wished himself, he ran.. bolted even. It was under a month after telling him this, and it suddenly lit up a lightbulb in his brain that he did want me, but didn’t want to commit to me.
    He had Gemini in the 7th house with Venus and Mercury.

    In reality, I just think he was looking for someone who would love and accept him, so that he could project his insecurities on them, so that he could start feeling better.

    I also wasted another person’s time for 3 years, just needing him for the love he could give and not for the love I was able to give myself.

    Then I met the types who wanted me, but for some reason was not fit into my life, for one reason or another. That was almost a year with both of them.

    Then, around the time I met the last one of the above types, I also met another. Due to my dating the other person, I didn’t think of this person in terms of romance. I just thought he was a nice guy, friendly and fun.
    Fast forward to the early start of this year, and my other relationship broke, and only 14 days later, I asked the nice guy out.

    But in the meantime, while dealing with the breakup, I tried to really give love to myself and no one else. I needed to be able to love myself, I felt. Accept and stop destructive patterns to lift myself up from the past with a very emotionally detached and distanced mother. She and I stopped talking in February.

    My new BF is the first person I have really wanted. Like, REALLY wanted, accepted and really committed to – for real. My NN is conjunct his Sun on his DESC axis, so that’s something for sure.
    I think it’s funny what Sherry says. “I didn’t really want to be married – I just wanted to be accepted for who I am”.
    I think this is spot on. It rang a bell with me.

    I have a lot of Libra and 9th house energy in my horoscope, plus Aquarius on the ascendant – but I have finally realized that commmitment is not a prison that traps me. It’s when you don’t want other people to “have” the other person after you. You don’t want to “pass them on” to others. It sounds terribly like they are a house or some such, but I can’t bear the thought of releasing this guy. Before, I have often longed for something the partner didn’t posses. I am catching myself in this pattern once in a while, but I am also AWARE that I am doing this – the cultivation of longing itself, as a projection of my own (low) self worth issues. Because there is no perfect. But two halves that feels like they get better together, is something worth fighting for.

    His Mars/Saturn conjunction is sextiling my Sun/Venus/Jupiter conjunction, Mercury trine the same conjunction and we have a double whammy Moon/Pluto in the 8th house in my horoscope.
    I guess this helps the whole thing along nicely as well as the NN thingy.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top