The sun is squaring Neptune today, I’ve certainly been feeling this over this last week or so. The music, and before that, the movies. Today, it’s pictures and specifically, pictures that I am erasing.
I have a well known sensitivity to all of these things. For example, the last time I was inconsolably sad, I had a number of people trying to help me on my feet, but I just couldn’t stop my heaving sobs. Everyone was disturbed. Ultimately I was helped… by a movie.
One my helper people, a Virgo man, suggested I see a movie. He had no other ideas. Desperate for relief, I went to see the movie (Big Fish). This man told me he’d read all my stories and things always ended well. This is what that movie is about. Sure enough, I left the theatre, in excellent spirts. End crisis!
So the pictures I am erasing are from this blog. For the record, though I’ve said it before, I would never destroy an earthy picture? One you can hold in your hand? I would never deface anyone or rip them up or anything because I can feel so much when I hold an image in my hand.
I would prefer to keep digital images but I can’t because it’s lawsuit time. I have been blogging nearly 25 years and I had uploaded all kinds and all sizes of pictures, daily. Other people have also uploaded pictures in the forum. While the blog posts and forum posts my have been deleted, the images (of celebrities, for example) which I do not own the rights to, are sitting in folders, circa 2013 or 2007 or whenever. I’m liable for this!
Further, this is a wordpress blog. For a number of years, wordpress made five copies of every image uploaded. Bloating, okay? Plus I have to find them – all versions in their obscure folder that’s been sitting there for fifteen years or whatever.
This is tedious for the most part but it also makes me feel sad. I have collected astrology graphics for 25 years. It’s always been a thing on this blog. Back in the day, if you searched for an astro pic, and hit “images”, the whole page would be pictures from my blog. I’ve got to let these things go now, along with so much more. It’s not the illegality of it, necessarily. There is just no reason to keep them. Can I take them with me when I die, lol.
It kills me because you can’t find good pics of anything anymore. Everything is generic and owned. Really, I hate this to a level, I doubt you can imagine. There is a certain aesthetic that is acceptable to view. It’s just so damned boring. So I am deleting history which can’t be recovered and is not likely to be seen again. It makes me Neptune-sad, which is it’s own brand, in my opinion.
The thing is, I am very connected to my work. I delete the picture and while I can’t see the image, the title often sees me call what it was attached to. I remember… so it’s all pretty haunting. I was doing or thinking or feeling, X, when I wrote, Y, and paired it with picture. X. All washed away now, Saturn Neptune.
From 2010.
I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this: I don’t think I have other than indirectly. I can feel things when I hold someone’s picture in my hand. It’s the same as a chart. A person’s chart is their photograph.
This is why I don’t do consults on camera. When I work with you, I have your chart in my hand I need to look at it. I would say what I do is not performance art – look how I look, blathering about astrology. No, I am accessing your true essence. I have the map in my hand and the last thing I need is a distraction. It’s just way too important to convey a good and correct message in the time allotted.
That’s Henry and my mother in the pic. He’s a single parent. The picture from the linked blog post is my mother, with her mother. Both pictures are from the 1940’s. Hard to fathom; nearly 100 years old.
Do you have Neptune sensitivity? How about Neptune sad?
Yup. multiple chemical sensitivity MCS ought to be renamed Neptune Sensitivity. You once told me when I was first diagnosed with MCS and sensitive to everything & no one got that/me: “You might as well float.”
My hand drawn art draws the sad through and onto the paper( and literally when I stitch with needle and thread ) there is relief ❤️ Flow float with snow edge.
((Elsa)) This is a sad time. The Big Fish, 🙌
HA ! True to Merc retro and Sun Neptune, I have spent some hours on my harddrive, sorting pictures and video and scrolling through old texts and stories, journals, dreams, notes etc. There is always a sense of loss, mixed with some ‘missed opportunity’ reget when I do that. I have started and scrapped blogs and websites, funny enough not because no one was interested….but because I felt that I have changed. It wasn’t me anymore.
I listen to music and look at pictures and read for memories and the emotions that come with it – but this time something is distinctly different. Instead of feeling overwhelmed (when will I ever sift through all this?) I decided that every new thought and idea contains all of the old and I do not need to dig for nuggets there – what’s worth it has become stronger, more conscious and easier to express than ever. I want to go for the new,the old lives in me anyway, I dont need to hold on to it, it’s at my disposal. I want to LIVE, I learn from the past – I am grateful for it all, but not inspired or energised.
U believe this is part of what neptune is doing..and Saturn in Pisces too …we have to let go of something that makes up the structure to our lives and see that it still exists without it. The blog your legacy as an astrologer, is bigger then the pics and graphs you used to create it. See it still exists u can picture it all in our minds when we think of Elsa Elsa all of us can. That’s huge. I believe we are meant to see this now in all aspects of our lives. Take away what we think is holding things together and see what still exists without it. That’s what is real and can never be taken away.
And meant to say I believe not U *
Well, I have a strong Saturn Neptune signature in my chart… and frankly, whatever I build or achieve, winds up disintegrating. Like it’s not real or something, other than in spirit.
Some people can see the magnitude of what I’ve built here… others cannot.
In this case, it was just the memories, drifting in. Like I’m deleting a picture, I recall looking for in 2005! Time melting, reality melting. Every now and then, I just roll under the tide. Come up clean, I suppose. The whole situation is weird. I can remember my happy feelings over things I have been able to do and say on this blog… million miles away not and then *poof*.
It’s not just problematic pictures, it’s charts of astro events from 2010 or whatever. It came and went and now we have the future.
I understand your need to ‘have and hold’, Elsa.Is it an earth thing, or a Pluto/Scorp thing? A bit of both. Maybe? So much going…changing…I have stopped. So much hovering in the mind’s eye. Strange images. All l want to do is disappear into nature–that is what l plan to do when that array of planets hit my 1-4 hses. Neptune/Saturn, the elementals playing tricks. l spent yesterday losing and finding things ‘where l left them’. As to other things, l agree with Jess. l also think people will sing songs and write stories about you, Elsa…We live in memory.
l can barely string words together today. Time to sit under a tree.
I forgot to say– l really dont like having my photo taken. l destroyed a lot of pics in a rage once…l only regret not keeping one. But l can recall it and the feeling that came with it ‘mind’s eye’ again.
The destroyed pictures not of me.
Yes sad feelings come with the violin, the memory can hold you close with such feelings ,it’s like your brain is trying to settle your sadness and stretch the sadness soooooo thin you can see thru to what comes next.always and forever and a day I can hear my mother and she says oh it’s just another day. It’ll go quicker than yesterday, amazing we could stand still as a day would still go by just as fast. although it might blow you away.
I recognize that thin stretched sadness. wow. I could never have articulated that.
I also have a Neptune Saturn conjunction like many of my age group. But it squares every other damned thing in my chart too. Life has been.. chaotic, interesting, I have so many do overs it isn’t even funny. Pisces rising,I morph as needed. Uranus conjunct my Sun..I seem to ATTRACT change and upheaval.. my husband and I have moved WAY MANY MORE TIMES than a cacnerian should have to move!!!!!! it’s like my Soul wants it, craves it, yet my Pisces rising/cancerian sun self just wants to chill out on a mountaintop and float… and STAY IN ONE PLACE…. But no.. Moon in Cap:HIGH ACHIEVER HERE so much to do in just one lifetime!!!!! Caregiver,nurse,scientist,writer,astrologer,Mom,wife, prodigal daughter.At age 70 I feel i have lived many lifetimes. I have built careers and left them behind (retired), rebuilt some of them, and then retired again!
Lately,I can’t look at photos of the times when my family was very healthy and content. Our son’s illness left him unable to exercise at all, he can only walk for brief periods of time without a lot of pain. I can’t bear to look at the pics of when he was an elite athlete and I was so “proud..” A lot of my own self esteem apparently came from having such a healthy happy son!! He is different now,so are we (his parents).. I have had to learn to live IN THE MOMENtS. I think spiritual people call this mindfulness.. not looking too far back or too far forward.
So that’s what i do now.I can’t bear to reminisce.
TODAY is a great day.Cookies to bake, card game to play with husband. Music on my home pod mini.. Son is at work, attending a holiday party,somsething he could not do 2 years ago.So,all good.for THIS moment.
And THIS moment is what we’ve got.