Why Have I Never Married?

Vase Lady

Hello Elsa,

I’m a 45 year old single woman who started dating a Scorpio male about three months ago. We get along well, but I am wondering if ultimately he may be too serious and reserved for me – or if I am actually afraid of commitment. I can’t seem to enjoy the moment as I worry about how well we’ll get along in the future, etc.

I have many friends and acquaintances of both sexes. I just don’t seem to be like most women who want to be married and have children. Do you think this is just a fear of commitment or that I have not met the right one?


Dear Unmarried,

I’m glad you wrote because I don’t think either of those explanations is accurate in your case. There are some people out there who are just plain unconventional… period! And you are a stellar example.

You are an Aquarius rising. You have your Sun and Moon in the 11th house (Aquarius). You have Uranus (the planet that rules Aquarius) smack on your descendant and further, you have Jupiter and Saturn conjunct in you guessed it: Aquarius!

So does this make you afraid? No! It makes you an independent, nontraditional humanitarian with “friends”. And what’s wrong with that? Nothing!

My friend Ben is like you. He is also an Aquarius rising with Uranus opposing. The last “relationship” he was in was in the 80’s!! And this I not because people are not interested, because people have been literally lined up outside his door for each of the 25 years I’ve known him. But he has determined that pairing up is not for him. He wants no part of it! And he has stated this plainly for 20 years!

And you can imagine how many people have argued this with him, for what good that would do them. He’s not interested! And I have to say he is a gay man. So he is going to have an easier time pulling this off than you might as a heterosexual woman, however I just want you to know this is an option! Anything you want is an option.

So don’t go letting people tell you you’re afraid of commitment. You’re not scared! It’s just not your bag. And same with the “haven’t met the right guy yet”. Because that implies some kind of failure. You haven’t failed! You’re just living!

So might you meet a man you want to hook up with someday? Of course. But are you going to be and do like everyone else? There is no chance of that at all. I say, be happy just as you are. Because as my friend, Ben says, “This is a big world. I am sure there is enough room for someone like me…”

Good luck.


3 thoughts on “Why Have I Never Married?”

  1. Hi Unmarried.

    I was born just a day or two before you and so I have a very similar natal chart (including Aquarius rising.) But I am married, and happily so too, for 12 years now, so it’s not impossible to do. The real question is do you want to be married. It would be a shame to get married for all the wrong reasons only to end up relishing your lost days of freedom.

    If you do want to get married then here are some thoughts:

    1) Elsa is right, we Aquarians have friends. This is not to say we don’t have lovers or partners but rather our lovers or partners must be our friends. This is how we love people, we befriend them. Your partner will need to understand this about you.

    2) We Venus in Aquarius people don’t get this whole ‘jealousy’ thing. We understand feeling left out, but envy and possessiveness? If you truly loved someone why would you subject them to such ugly emotions as envy and possessiveness? And yet most everyone else in the universe expects some degree of these emotions and even take comfort in their implied proof of love. But any possessiveness on your partners part is going to make you feel like you’re suffocating, and of course that would be intolerable. Unfortunately jealousy can’t be reasoned away – your partner will need to be someone who just doesn’t get very jealous. Period.

    3) We Aquarians are unconventional, and we Venus in Aquarius people have unconventional marriages. In some way it should fly in the face of convention: It may be an open relationship, it may involve more than two people, it may be same-sex. etc… As long as you keep in touch with your feelings and keep the lines of communication open between the two (or more) of you, you should be able to handle this just fine.

    4) Aquarians are sometimes accused of being cold and aloof, but in our case we have the very emotional and psychic planet of Neptune squaring our Sun. This (along with the 12th house Sun and Moon) makes us sensitive. This is both good and bad in relationships: Good in that we can sense early on when our partners aren’t feeling good about something in the relationship and we can take corrective action before things get too far along. But bad in that we can end up fostering a codependent relationship where our partners start depending on us to read their minds and thus letting them off the hook of bringing it up. Sometimes you’re going to have to pretend you don’t notice anythings wrong and force them to bring the issue up all on their own.

    Concerning your current interest, the Scorpio, think on these:

    How jealous or possessive has he been in other relationships? As a Scorpio he’s likely to behave quite differently in a love relationship as compared to a friendship.

    Are you attracted to his intensity and deep conversation but then need to get away and discharge? If so, his Scorpio Sun may be stimulating your Scorpio Neptune square Aquarius Sun that gives you your psychic and emotional sensitivity. This is great in a friendship where you can limit your exposure to healthy doses, but in a marriage it may be just too intense for you.

    With today’s Saturn transiting your relationship house it’s not surprising you should be contemplating such questions. Saturn highlights our fears and urges us to either work on them or give them up for lost. Use this time to figure out what you would and would not be willing to put up with in a relationship. Work done now under a Saturn transit should benefit you in the long run.

    What ever you decide, I wish you happiness.


  2. Of course only after hitting the ‘Submit Comment’ button do I realize I misread Elsa’s response to mean that Unmarried had Sun and Moon in Aquarius. Oh well, if what I posted is helpful then good – but take it with a big grain of salt.


  3. Hmmm., what if you have Aquarius rising, Venus in Aquarius conjunct Ascendant, Uranus conjunct your descendant, Sun in 11th in Cap, and and you would like to be in a committed relationship but no one seems interested? Or if you finally start to have a relationship with one of those wonderful friends and after 6 months he goes completely weird and/or AWOL (this is MY pattern). Yes, I am very independent and yes I have wonderful friends, zillions of ’em, but why does that mean I can’t find anyone to be a partner? Uranus seems to love to upset the apple cart. Oh yeah, Pluto in 7th. That can’t help, I guess…

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