dana writes on Can A Person Conceal Their Character:
“I think indefinitely with the right person. There are people with a desperation in their hearts and predators can smell this a mile away. They will play their part until they have no use for the victim or they are found out. If a girl wants to get married and have kids then she’ll believe anything.”
What you say is key. A person’s character shows itself very quickly provided you are in the same environment. If you live together, work together, go on dates, you are going to see a person’s true color right away, if you care to.
It’s much easier to conceal things when people take up online. If a predator can place a their hook in a person, deeply. If the target has waited six months to meet, invested emotionally, and dreamed the person up the whole time, they are going to be inclined to ignore clues when they meet in person.
People just don’t know when or how to fold their hand or come to terms with the fact they’ve invested in a slot machine that does not pay. Feeding it more money is not going to help.
In these cases, I don’t think the character is concealed. It’s right there, the person just refuses to acknowledge it. Oddly enough, this same thing happens in reverse just as frequently. That is, a person’s good character is apparent but denied.
It comes down to the lens the person uses when they view others. There are a lot of people out there who have a saint/sinner split. You’re either one or the other and there is no gray at all.
There are various flavors and astrological explanations for this. What’s yours?
Everyone has a saint/sinner split. EVERYONE. Once a person comes to grip with the gray they are better for it. Not so quick to judge and much more forgiving of others so-called faults.
“There are people with a desperation in their hearts and predators can smell this a mile away. They will play their part until they have no use for the victim or they are found out.”
couldn’t agree more. with sociopaths the question takes a different turn because.. their entire life they’ve spent perfecting their facade in order to manipulate people, and being that a lot of them deliberately work their charm on the surface ( which is actually a red flag, but you never know what to watch out for i guess ). They’re almost like manipulating machines, their whole ‘consciousness’ if you will is based upon fooling people into believing them.. so i think in that type of situation where the gaslighting/manipulation is intentional and without remorse ( The mechanics work differently here.) it can go on longer than one would think.
Someone very dear to me (a neice) is involved with someone who is a loser, and it is apparent to everyone around her, except her. I also have a sister who most definitely married someone because she really wanted to be married, and heard her biological clock ticking, and it seems clear he married her with the understanding that he is not going to give up anything he did before they got married. I don’t mean other women, but she is on her own completely where their kids are concerned, and God, she could have done a million times better than him. But I think people need what they need, and therefore they have to see what they need to see – it is just so very painful for the people who love them, most especially when the situation is not good.
Here is a question to the collective: Do we need to make “bad experiences” or not? And if so, why do we need them?” Have you benefit from a “bad experience”?
I’m asking because I had many of them and they proved to be pretty beneficial, they helped me to face reality – the reality of others and also my own.
Personally, I believe that we are here on the planet to learn, what we individually need to. No one is perfect, or Omniscient. If we were, we wouldn’t need to be here! We attract to us, those things positive and negative that we feel, respond to and think. When it is negative attraction, we can learn from the experience, and then graduate to a more advanced course (a spiral, not a circle)! If we don’t learn, we experience the same lessons over and over, until, we get it! Or not .:( It is our choice. Free will
Striving to get to a place that is not now, getting back to a desired state. Sometimes I just got to walk through the chaos. No judgement of good or bad.
Back to Jupiter, etc in libra. Balance is becoming really important in my life. If I get too far out there on this is good or this is bad, well there are consequences to that mindset. I think I am comfortable with peace and peace of mind. But that is really boring in an excitement addicted world. Even so I monitor myself. Balance has become precious. I have another person in my job environment who is really giving me a workout. I cannot get strung out cuz that’s when she goes in for the kill. If I am too far out there stress wise, like my rope is getting thin, she will cut it and then I am lost out there too far from home. Way out of balance.
I don’t think the character is concealed. It’s right there, the person just refuses to acknowledge it….
That is very true, especially online. A lot of bloggers I’ve noticed out there who sound like, how shall I say.. little more than PR soundbites for the organizations that they represent, but many people for some reason or other take them to heart as though they’re truly speaking from it.
The worst deception is self-deception, and I think a lot of that arises because so many of us are encouraged not to act so cynical and discouraged not to listen to ourselves even if the danger signs are already obviously apparent. Ever read The Gift of Fear?
Connys’ assessment, to me, is right on, though I don’t think any of us tries to “make” bad experiences. They are just part of life overall. The yin and yang. It sucks as it’s going on, but in the long run its helpful in our growth.
long distance can conceal ones’ character but continued meeting even for a short time will reveal the real you…
one can even get a clue of apersons’ xter on phone,in emails,likes and dislikes ,the programmes one watches…name it.
I for one as a man believe alitle fliting with another woman doesnt mean i hate my girl friend.. infact i dont want her to know(why?) bse i love her…she is better than the one am fliting with yet even a rock that cant be used for farming may posses an important mineral well as i may igree with amy that some times we refuse to see the coming fire some times fire burns under our feet unknowingly! our friends see it and yet cant tell us coz they dont wana ”hurt us!”…[email protected]
Nice
Dana, that’s so true. My mother did that twice… She wanted more babies, she found men who claimed they did too, and disaster ensued.
I thought of something else though… There are a lot of us who come from very fucked up places full of fucked up people, and therefore have precious few clues about what’s “normal” and what is NOT. So to some people, a jerk/loser/psycho/creep is going to appear to be perfectly normal and ordinary because that’s all they’ve experienced.
Amen.
great point Connie, well said! and ME TOO.
Some people just are…deluded. Or see what they want to see. Forever, if necessary.
well, there’s the basic friend or foe acknowledgement system which i think is pretty deeply rooted in our nuerology/psychology.
some people, perhaps, take it at face value and don’t examine it… don’t develop nuance?
Word.
‘…target has waited six months to meet, invested emotionally, and dreamed the person up the whole time, they are going to be inclined to ignore clues when they meet in person.’
Neptune is involved, definitely. Probably in hard aspect to personal planets like the Sun, Mars, Venus…
I have sun (in pisces) square neptune and the above quote from Elsa applied to me for years regarding men. I wanted to see what I wanted and ignored cues.
Luckily, I didn’t get involved with predators or con people (my scorpio ascendant, moon trine pluto, and 8th house moon and mars sense these things well) yet I did get involved with other neptunians.
Not sure what predators may have in terms of astrological tones…They give me the chills so I don’t stick around when I sense one!
This was something I had to watch a former friend go through. I was shocked at how deluded she was. I hate to say it but it really made me question her sanity. And it turns out the answer is “yes she’s insane.” This was just one example of how she would make stories up in her head that were not connected to reality. I actually tend to avoid people that live like this. I’ve found that this kind of thinking is actually an indication of some really deep issues and a destructive nature. They are blind to everything but their own desires and that means running over or ignoring others needs sometimes.
I don’t know if I’m alone with my idea, but the funny thing is, it’s very easy for me to spot a creep online. I wouldn’t necessarily say easier than spotting one IRL, because I’m pretty good in that too. But, I often get this feeling there’s something wrong with a someone online. It’s probably because of my Mercury, Stationary in Virgo, trining my Moon very loosely. I’ve always had quite an unique approach to written communication.
I think a lot of it goes back to trauma and growing up in a situation where the only way to survive was to conceal the truth from yourself. And the aftereffect of that reality is that what should feel threatening also feels comfortable because it’s what you grew up with.
There’s this woman at the job site. I like her. She’s good to work with. She’s a team player. She has vulnerability so is human. But a couple of times she has said hateful things. Now people will do that, especially with the political climate at the moment. But it’s different with her. It is so monotoned, streamlined, hard, matter of fact, I could cut it with a knife. It is black. I have not experienced that kind of black before. It is a coming from the void kinduv thing. It just sits there. It goes nowhere. There must be a room within where that is stored. I don’t know if my heart could handle that.
It could be hate. And it is very common at this time for people to focus that on one political faction or ethnic group or belief system. I accept that exists. I don’t know about this deep seated hatred thing though. Some guy on the radio was reporting that hate is good because it motivates people. I don’t feel that the black streak in my co-worker motivates her. It’s almost like a recording that goes off sometimes. Very odd. I don’t know why I cannot relate to a lot of what I hear now. So much seems irrelevant to my experience. Has Jupiter in libra got me all balanced and fuzzy or what? My progressed moon is there now and progressed venus is getting ready to tip over into libra too???