Dear Elsa,
I am a 30 year old married woman. I met a good looking 26 year old guy at work. He flirts with me every time he comes to my office. Last week he asked me to kiss him and I am suddenly developing some feelings.
I have never thought that I would look at any other man but my husband, so this is very confusing. I somehow want to kiss him and switch off this burning desire within me but I am also wary of the direction this situation may take.
Married and Activated
Dear Married,
It may help you get your feet on the ground and be less confused if you remember this is only going to go where you want it to go. Do you want to have an affair? If you do, it sounds like one is on offer. I don’t condone that, and here’s the astrology… I think it might help you out.
You have no major transits at this time so I doubt your marriage is going to crack up and blah, blah, blah. I don’t think this guy is going to change your life. But you do have Venus in Pisces in the 12th house, square Neptune and here’s what I think is happening.
I bet this guy has planets in aspect to your Venus Neptune which is notoriously permeable, seducible and prone to fantasy. In other words, this thing is lying there in your chart, waiting to happen and this guy comes along and WHOOSH! The thing comes out to live.
But here’s the key. It’s your energy. He may be triggering you, but it is your energy and you can do whatever you want with it. For example you can feed this thing. You can dream this guy up into some kind of Prince Charming who can screw like ten men, or you can just as easy, fantasize around your husband and go home and screw him like ten women.
I like the second idea. No one gets hurt, but even more importantly, you discover this fabulous talent of yours rather than projecting it on to the guy.
Good luck.
I love that… that it’s your energy.
there’s a line from waterboy that I love: the coach makes him mad on purpose and then he says, “use it on the field!” I use that line as a motivater myself.
I remember when I had crushes during my marriage I would take that energy and “use it on the field” with my husband, just like Elsa suggests.
If I may add something…the feelings of lusty torment may be easier to deal with than any fallout in the office if anything (or one!) goes down and gets dirty, and that’s only if your husand doesn’t find out!
You have much to protect, from what I can see. If it is any help, I am just accepting that fantasizing about people other than my partner is okay. This after he casually mentioned he does it. I am totally okay if he does it–I trust him! I want him to have a fantasy life. Then I thought, wait a minute, what about me? Why don’t I do that without guilt, too??
And, if all else fails, avoid the flirty man until the lust wanes. It often does.
Go easy!
“I somehow want to kiss him and switch off this burning desire within me but I am also wary of the direction this situation may take.”
Most likely, the kiss would have the opposite effect of switching OFF anything. It’s an escalation, not an ending.
People have energy between them, and sometimes, it’s sexual. And palpable. But regardless of how that energy feels, it’s always a choice what to do with it. Sometimes, it seems like we think that if we feel something, it’s fate, it’s bigger than we are, blah blah blah. That we’re swept away in this bigger scene. We’re not, unless we choose to be.
I’d encourage you to imagine how you’d feel if the situation were reversed, with your husband being “activated” by a coworker, and perhaps that can help you make your decision.
Good luck.