“I am amazed at how different it is for my son with you here,” I told the soldier. “You only had to be around for a few hours for it to become very clear how much he lacks… there is no male energy here.”
He didn’t say anything.
“For example he’s got a problem with this pack of boys. He’s struggling with that and I mention it to you and you explain this whole thing… how one chicken gets pecked by all the other chickens. You outline bullying and know how to combat it. Basically you know what to do in a pack of boys where I don’t know much about being in a pack of boys. And even if I do have some idea I still don’t know how to handle the situation as a boy.”
“Well no, you wouldn’t.”
“Right. All I can do is be a woman and say women things like what? Oh don’t let that bother you?” I laughed. “Jeez. Big help, Mom. It’s not much help compared to what you can tell him and you see he is just plain hungry for whatever it is you have. It would be like you having a daughter by yourself. About all you can do is give her some blush and say, I think this goes on your cheeks.”
“I don’t even know that much,” he said.
“Yeah, it’s a mess. I ache over this. Over knowing what my son has not had access to. I am just not sure how these kids are supposed to cope without access to male and female energy and no matter how motivated you are or how much you may want to provide for your kids, you can really only be what you are. And I just have no way to masquerade as a man. My poor kid. He has Aries. He is full of all this male energy and stuck here with a mom who basically looks at him and says whaaaaat?”
(For the record, my son’s father is inordinately involved… he is just a very yin man, an artist, a twelfth house Sun and just no Aries influence at all.)
Did you grow up with access to both yin and yang energy or no? How were you impacted?
No. I was surrounded by women who had all these warped stories about men. So I grew up being completely tone-deaf to men’s language, needs, ways of thinking. The stereotype is that women are naturally “emotionally intelligent”… but if you haven’t grown up with men, you’re going to be somewhat stupid when it comes to them. It had a huge impact on my relationships, natch.
In the best of all possible worlds, kids should be exposed to both genders and both energies, just so they learn how to “speak” in yin and yang.
yes. My dad is a very masculine man and my mum is a very feminine woman. However she is an Aries and he a Libra (I’ll let you decipher that amongst yourselves, lol).
how I was impacted…I learned how to fight (cleanly and swiftly) and also how to walk away. My dad taught me both.
My mum essentially taught me how NOT to be a female (bless her, she’s much more together these days, but just being honest). Well, how not to get involved with the negative stuff that bogs certain female-based relationships down.
Oh I wanted to add that I didn’t grow up with men (there are 4 daughters in my family) but am far from stupid when it comes to the language of men, and my numerous life-long relationships with men can back that up.
I think I can thank my uber-yang father for that. I like to think my human capabilities can transcend gender (I try my best, anyway).
I should clarify that when I said I didn’t grow up with men, I meant that I didn’t have the strong and constant presence of a dependable and loving father figure. (My father abandoned us and my stepfather was abusive.) It’s about quality, not quantity, ime.
I think human capabilities can and do transcend gender, I just know that it was tough going at first without having had that male model.
I have a straight male friend who was raised by a gay father and he had a hard time “speaking” woman. But he learned the language and now he has a strong and loving wife and beautiful child. And I have worked very hard to listen and be empathic to men’s needs and language. I definitely don’t think we’re locked into whatever deficiencies we experienced as children. In fact, sometimes those deficiencies are what lead us to succeed. It is precisely bc I didn’t have a substantial relationship with men as a child that I had nothing but relationships for most of my adult life (19 years). I was determined to have a good and stable relationship with a loving and dependable man (natal Saturn in Taurus/Sun in Leo square).
yes, you’re definitely right Nene: it is a huge challenge. I should’ve also noted that out of the 5 women in my family, I am the only one who is like this…my sisters? I can’t even go there.
I am the only child who has made an effort to cultivate a close relationship with my dad. He’s an extremely private lone-wolf and my sisters struggle with how to communicate with him.
And! I have Taurus Sun square Saturn Leo! How weird is that Nene! We’re flipped!
i got a mixture. women have been ‘yang’, extroverted and detached, whereas men have been more introverted, emotional, rather than what stereotype would warrant. but it isn’t particularly extreme. i see everyone to be just about the same. things like makeup and fighting are things you learn in life by social observation and experience and the desire or need to know, not something that comes naturally by sex or disposition.
I can’t be the only chick around here wondering what happened to the chicken.
ewinbee: Haha!
My dad is an very charming egomaniac (a Gemini, probably with a Leo rising) with a short temper. My mother is an ice-cold WASP (a Virgo, no idea what her rising might be — maybe Libra or Aquarius, like me) who holds grudges. Our home was a battleground.
These are slight exaggerations (forgive a Leo sun), but I comprehend my dad a whole lot better than my mom (mostly because she was just less demonstrative). I grew up with two brothers and therefore understand quite well “growing up male in America”.
I’ve probably got overstimulated yang (with moon trine Mars and Mars on my midheaven) but I think I have generally an okay balance of yin and yang.
I am extremely attracted to cultured men who enjoy going to plays and museums and reading books. Are these yin things? I don’t know, but it really seems like they’re hard to find sometimes.
(I did find one, and he’s miiiine)
So, what was the advice? I had such problems, no one had proper instruction. I might need this info. down the road.