Hi, Elsa.
I have a Scorpio sun, moon, Venus, and Pluto. Moon, Venus, and Pluto are all in the 4th house. Last year or so maybe two, I have been battling the worst depression thinkable to the point where I can’t go a few hours without crying. Almost feel like I’m bleeding inside or depleting somehow. I have tried medication and i have tried natural supplements nothing feels right. If you could give me any information it would be greatly appreciated. I know astrologers don’t like these kinds of questions. But any advice or insight you could give me on my chart or just the planet circulating right now that would be awesome thank you. Please dont tell me to get help or go to the hospital I have tried all of those things.
Struggling in Canada
Hi Struggling,
I’m not going to be able to go into this in depth in this format, however I think I can offer your some keys that will help you through this.
Secondly, one of the regulars here has a chart very similar to yours. She’s an older woman and I’m hoping she weighs in here as well. I would like you to know that you’re not alone. This chart belongs to a gal about 20 years old.
I want to offer you two things. First, I’d like to validate your experience. I feel Saturn’s transit to the Moon / 4th house is one of the most difficult in all of astrology. To experience both at the same time and in Scorpio, no less? I am not surprised you’re in a lot of pain.
Being as you’re 20(ish), you don’t realize that you are at a 28 year low. Yes! This is the BOTTOM. You are crossing this terrain and once you’ve made it across, you won’t visit here again for close to thirty years.
Now when you do visit here in the future, you won’t be 20 years old. You’ll have experience. So what I’m suggesting is that it’s possible this be the very worst time in your life.
If you read this carefully, you’ll see that I am moving from validation to put things in perspective. This is in line with your nature, because what follows Scorpio? Sagittarius. Perspective. Storytelling. So here’s your story…
This gal hit the skids in her late teens. She slipped on a banana peel and went into the abyss. She struggled. She suffered mightily. She thought she’d die. She came so close, many times. But then what?
Then the clouds broke. Somehow by the strength of her will, she survived the trial; she emerged from the pit with an incredible backbone and walked upright, with her chin up to her future, which she could not visualize.
This story is true. You’re almost through this. Keep moving…and on days you can’t move, rest and gather strength. Because this is not going to last…I promise you this.
I don’t think I’m the woman in question but my natal saturn/mars squares my moon. So I attack myself, with great skill and precision at that. It’s pretty awful. No really, that is almost what depression is. There is some strong research coming out recently that depression is an inflamation in your body.
so, helping you through, over and under this time in your life. Being depressed sucks. period. full stop. being depressed and living in a world and culture that tells you that you should not be depressed and here take this pill and it will be all right just makes teh depression go on and on and on because now you’ve done something wrong if those pills don’t work or you’re broken or you might never be fixed. the messages you get are subtle in this culture that depression is wrong or bad. Nope, natural, normal and something your body as well as your spirit has to process.
Finding a way to process your depression will help you cope and then one day it will be gone. If you are unlucky like some of us one day it will be back again and you will, again, be needing to use your coping skills.
So…
step 1. Admit that you are depressed and that is where you are at right now. You won’t always be here so stop and look around and describe what it is like. You do not have to do this except to yourself. NO one has to know what you’ve admitted. But admit it. List it. Describe it.
step 2. Know that where you are right now is not where you will be in two weeks. Even depression changes texture, feel, weight. Sometimes journeys take longer or have more backtracking than we like. Movies and stories use the backtracking to build suspense. Real life has twists.
step 3. Find value in being depressed. What does it teach you about yourself. Can you describe it well enough to help out a friend who might also be depressed but not see it or be willing to admit it or reach out for help. Yes, someday you may be me and have advice to offer someone else who needs a bit of grace in their life.
step 4. give yourself grace. Really. Look up what that would mean. Give it.
step 5. Find a friend you REALLY trust. Tell them you need help, you’re down and struggling and they could help by coming by and keeping you company even if it is just for a movie or to give you a bit of a check-in. Pick your own timeframe. Ask them to tell you stories about their crazy cousins or something totally outside of your world and concerns.
step extras:
eat your veggies (cools body inflamation), walk or excercise – get a buddy to keep you on it. every day, 30 minutes exercise outside of the house, write, clean (I can pull myself out of a minor dip by cleaning but I also have a virgo moon so a clean room or house or whatever makes me feel calm and happy.. ymmv)
I’m not a hugging type but I hope you pull through and for teh wiser and more skilled than before. ymmv as these are some of my tools in my toolbox having been depressed all too much in my life.
I really sympathize. Saturn makes an opposition to my natal Moon in 4th, and it is hard, because there are a lot of separations in my life right now and I’m sad.
But, I cannot forget how I felt when I was 17, and t.Saturn was on my Moon. I was suffering A LOT, and the worst thing was that I didn’t know why and how long will it last. I started psychotherapy back then, and I had a tumultuous events, mostly when t.Saturn made hard aspect with my natal Sun0Saturn 180 Moon. But those were also the times I felt I was transformed, and those were really the times of my development.
After the Saturn return, everything got its rightful measure, its proportion, and I got a perspective: suffering will never cease completely and never to be returned, but it has its limits, beginning and end.
Also, you are not alone. There are people who can and will understand you, and it can be really surprising who and where they can be.
And here is one beautiful quote, from one beautiful movie:
“Let everything that’s been planned come true. Let them believe. And let them have a laugh at their passions. Because what they call passion actually is not some emotional energy, but just the friction between their souls and the outside world. And most important, let them believe in themselves. Let them be helpless like children, because weakness is a great thing, and strength is nothing. When a man is just born, he is weak and flexible. When he dies, he is hard and insensitive. When a tree is growing, it’s tender and pliant. But when it’s dry and hard, it dies. Hardness and strength are death’s companions. Pliancy and weakness are expressions of the freshness of being. Because what has hardened will never win.”
I am going to offer what I can in the minutes before I have to go to work.
Hang on!!! You’ve got Scorpio. You got this. I have 5 planets in Scorpio 4 of which are sitting tight together in my 4th. Sun, Jupiter, Venus and Neptune. Then…there sits number 5 Mercury right there in my 5th.
Worse…. these 4 are opposite my freaking Moon in the 10th….can I get an Oh Em Geeee????
I went through it. And the first time I did I had to do it with Pluto moving through with Saturn. OMG! But look…I am here. And I am as strong as an MULE….
I just went through it again, 30 years later and look! I am here. And to tell you the truth I am not sure what I am going through now is any easier… Saturn is opposite my Mars right now and its square my Pluto.
I need a stiff drink….if I drank LOL
The first time I think the only thing that got me through it was the deep love I have for my children. I had no choice. I had to keep marching. It was painful, it was harsh, I lost everything material I had. I lost my grandparents, jobs… if it was there….I lost it. But, I just kept going.
Relationships crumbled but hey, they weren’t relationships I should have been in in the first place so thanks Saturn.
Always remember stuff, things, material things….that is all they are…just things. We all have too many things. And if you lose them, well you’ll get more.
Do your best to eat right, sleep, make yourself exercise even if all you can stand to do is walk. Talk to your closest friend. Come here, we will hold you up! Try your best not to take a lot of medication to numb it. Feel it, move through it and gain the gift of strength you are being given.
I know this seems like a hellish nightmare that will never end but the fortitude you will have later will be one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever receive.
You can do it. Many of us have. You are not alone. Hang on!!! I promise you this will pass. And when it does you are going to be the best you, you’ve ever been.
It’s hard to find a gift in such a nightmare. But its there at the end. If you can do this, you can do anything!
Wow, look at that chart!!
I’m not sure how much spirit and advice I can give on top of Elsa’s words… because those words are very beautiful and inspirational! I can, however, give you a virtual hug! (((((Struggling)))))
I’ve got Pluto Saturn and the Moon in Scorpio in the 4th… though Pluto is not conjunct Saturn and the Moon. I can only imagine if it was…
These past five years oh so of my life have been a string of feeling completely lost, being completely uprooted, my life was totally transformed and all the while having very little energy. Since Saturn has gone back into Scorpio, I lay awake at night and I can feel it… I know I still have things to resolve. Therapy has helped me. If I had never went, I imagine I’d be in worse shape.
I know I don’t have that huge stellium as you do, so I can’t truly understand the depth of your suffering but from one Scorpio Moon in the 4th to another… I hope for you, enough strength to make it through the end of your lowest of lows!
…and that you can find some meaning, something deep within that helps you hold out for the light that lies ahead <3
Elsa is right. This is it. The lowest point. And for you, more so than the “average bear” because the lowest point for Scorpio is as far as anyone can get! Welcome to being a ruler of hell! It isn’t so bad down here because the truth is that hell is a misnomer. It is merely a simplified label for fear of the unknown.
Saturn already went over my 3rd house Scorpio stellium and is coming up on my 4th house venus neptune conjunct in Sag (my stellium is in the first decant, so I am right here with you from Oct. 2012 through next year).
First, I dug myself a hole for protection and stayed there. (Meaning I moved back to the last safe place I could remember.) The only friends that stuck with me through that time were other Scorpios. Everyone else couldn’t handle where I had to go and many of them needed me, but I didn’t have the extra energy to help them anymore, so I had to hermit.
Second, I gathered all of my resources for sanity and practiced them: walk/ exercise, eat regularly, meditate, sleep as much as I want, go to the hot springs, stay away from triggering people and settings, etc. The key with transits and surviving emotional processes is to go with the flow of them. Feel yourself going down? Go down then. Go even deeper. Let yourself be sad, cry every day if you have to, feel despair, because on the other side of fully feeling that feeling is profound gratefulness for what you do have in your life. The problems only arise when we resist the flow. Consider this: you are getting this transit out of the way when you are young. This one hit me when I was almost 40. I was on my own without support, had a 10 year old, a business (my only source of income) and a carcinogenic disease in tow.
Practice self love. If you don’t know what that means, make it up. My version is to take a bath and as I wash every part of myself, I keep thinking: “I love my toe”, “I love my calf”, “I love my butt, it functions so well”, etc.
Kundalini yoga and tantra are the best perspective to approach reality with our make up. A good book to start with is:
The Tantric Path of Purification by Lama Yeshe.
I started my tai chi practice when I was your age. I thank myself every day for that one. It’s a total life saver.
The key to a joy filled life is PURPOSE. Your purpose is huge. As we learn to care for ourselves, our microcosmic sense of inner peace resonates out and effects the macrocosm. Our job is to find peace inside those depths. I am to the point now where it has flipped. The emotional chaos isn’t inside of me and overwhelming, it is outside of me, and the depths of my inner world is the only place to find peace.
That’s our secret: the unknown isn’t “hell”, it is bliss.
Oh sister. I feel you. I don’t even have all those planets in my 4th but it is my largest house encompassing 3 signs and Saturn transiting through it since 2012 and until 2016 in opposition to my loaded 10th house stellium (especially Mars!) has been a veritable nightmare. I’ve been forced, in a lot of ways, to self-reflect, unearth old traumas, deal with the root of insecurities, current and past rejections, relationship and family issues. The depression feels intense and never ending. Even though Saturn’s transit in Sag ensures a Moon/Venus opposition, I could at least deal with things in a rational, calm manner and dare I say it, more productive coping of issues? But the moment Saturn went into retrograde and back into Scorpio, it’s been tears out of the wazoo. I’m forced to revisit these issues ALL over again. I. Can’t. Even. Maybe by the time Saturn revisits my 4th house now that I’m approaching middle age, I will have ceased from this earthly plane and never have do that again. O.O
At whatever rate, Elsa’s right. She has mentioned before that people with Scorpio in the 4th house have a certain intestinal fortitude for life’s issues that most do not. Saturn will strengthen you for the years ahead. I hope you feel better.
Sounds alot like what I’m going through!
Thanks for the advice and sharing I really do appreciate it 🙂
I know it will pass.
Thank you Elsa for writing this up and for all of the advice everyone has responded with.
In this chart it looks like my moon is in the 3rd house is that correct?
I have been aware of the Saturn transit and have been studying astrology almost since it started. I am still struggling to cope and understand it all. It does help having others reflect on this and reassure me. I have learned a great deal about myself despite feeling so worthless. I do hope it gets much better than how I feel now.
(((sara)))
Natally I have my chart ruler Saturn in my 4th (& no major aspects from it to any other body) & I’m currently having a Saturn opp natal Moon transit. :/
…what helped me with Saturn in the 4th, when I was younger, was working on my internal landscape so to speak. Finding out what made me feel worthy (versus “worthless”) energized (versus “depleted”) & working on that.
What Elsa wrote is true in my experience “Keep moving…and on days you can’t move, rest and gather strength.” Sometimes “working on that” meant just resting away from other people & recharging.
…which is also what I did when I had t. Saturn on my Pluto though it also felt like jail (was in hospital for a couple weeks, donating pee for research, heh).
For me I was and still am dealing with somewhat irrational, bipolar episodes kind of. I was changing my ideas of what I used to love and what is available to love now. My options are more severely limited because of money and space in the smaller house. My life used to be focused on keeping mental peace and serenity now I’m just trying to get that back after all the chaos. Saturn definitely wanted me to grow up but I kept fighting it every step of the way. I’m not sure if I came out learning much of anything. I hope I can apply it well later on. Maybe it will take sometime to realize I did learn valuable things. Right now I just feel like a failure and confused. It will come though.
Thanks!
Dear Struggling. I want to strongly agree with what Elsa and our posters have said here. Hold on, even if it’s with the tips of your fingernails. Things will change and the phoenix will rise again. You will one day look back at this point in your life and realise it was pivotal to what you become. Be kind to yourself, be patient and wait it out. It will pass.
I went through this exact scenario. Yes, it was 30 years ago. Crying, hopeless, no motivation, and worse. And, yes, I am strong now.
In a practical sense, I now believe the colored, artificially sweetened drinks I lived on were significant factors. Neurotoxic.
(I don’t think the MD’s generally acknowledge toxicity, because the chemicals are measured in parts per million.)
That was so well thought out and beautifully put, Elsa!!!!
Hang in there Struggling In Canada!!!
Angie
Dear Struggling, I sympathize with what you are going through, having been there myself. I have suffered unbearable bouts of depression throughout my life. I too tried everything under the sun, from prozac to holistic remedies, you name it I tried it. I chalked it up to my difficult childhood and just plowed ahead. Unfortunately it wan’t just depression, but bouts of illness and bad luck, not just with me but those around me. It began when I was a teenager(in the eighties) I had saturn in scorpio in my 8th house opposed my moon and conjunct my venus, then later on I had saturn and uranus conjunct my sun. Then I had pluto in scorpio in my 8th house opposite my moon conjunct my venus. Cut to my late 20’s early 30’s? I had saturn conjunct my moon, then shortly thereafter I had saturn opposite my sun. Then the cherry on top was having transiting pluto conjunct my sun. That just about killed me. I now have retrograding saturn opposed my moon again, but it’s not nearly as bad as the first time around. Saturn will once again conjunct my sun around 2017, but I’m not dreading it because I know that it’s coming. Studying astrology for the last 20 years has certainly helped, especially with this last pluto transit. I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I definitely felt it. Being able to coordinate my lowest times with all of these saturn/pluto hits has actually comforted me in a way, and enabled me to put some perspective on what I have been through. You have been hit heavy- 1234- all in a row at the bottom of your chart. It has been said, and like Elsa said you” feel” saturn’s transit at the lowest point and now, slowly but surely (hopefully), you will feel saturn leaving. From the darkness (bottom) to the light. As saturn moves to the top of your chart. I personally have yet to meet anyone who has come away relatively unscathed from a saturn-moon transit. Saturn -moon can be difficult! I hope this helps.
Over the past couple of years, you’ve had t. Saturn visiting your 3rd and 4th house and as someone with a lot of Scorpio planets, I know how devastating that transit was emotionally.
Looking at the chart, you have t. Saturn conjunct n. Pluto and Mars. That is very dynamic and it looks like you want to break away from something, but you can’t.
This restrictive influence you feel is going to ease after the end of October, when Saturn moves into Sadge. Over the past couple of years with the Scorpio influence, you’ve been letting go of or facing things that you can’t ignore and thats painful. The intensity isn’t going to last forever though, and that thought is what you have to hang onto.
Like Elsa said, after this time, your life is on an upswing. You can lick your wounds now, but better days are coming and you can lay the foundation for them now (4th house, roots). Undoubtedly, there are a lot of lessons you learned over the past couple of years. I learned lots of things I didn’t want to know, and those things changed my life, for better and worse. Thats life, its always a mixed bag.
That is exactly what I have been feeling! I have had these weird moments where I feel like I need to leave and get away from everyone. Everyone around me is draining my energy. Trying to find my own independence has been extremely hard. It feels like so many things are out of my control and I have literally lost everyone I thought I could rely on. Thank you for the reassurance. I am “struggling” by the way incase you hadn’t caught on.
I have Jupiter, Mercury, Venus and Pluto in Scorpio 11th house. I have moon in the 5th and Saturn in the 3rd so at the same time Saturn was crossing all of it, it was opposing my moon and squaring itself. I’m 21 so I guess we’re less than 1 year apart.
These last 2 years were deeply transformative, but I highly enjoyed it, I even consider them the best of my life until now. Unfortunaly, I can’t really help her. But I can recall that when Saturn was crossing my MC and 10th house, life was hell, just like she described it, an unbelievable depression. Maybe it’s the MC/IC axis?
Therefore, I have questions for Elsa.
I did my homework during that hard transit and Saturn likes discipline. Can Saturn bring rewards in this case?
I’m Cap ASC, are these transits easier for Saturn ruled people?
Or is it REALLY the MC/IC axis = depression?
I currently have Saturn transiting my moon at 00 sag, which I think is both like Scorpio and Sadge since it is right in between both. With retrogrades, I have conjunctions spread out over a year. Five maybe? I have fourth house moon trining Saturn in cancer natally, so it’s not unfamiliar energy…just more intense. After a Saturn return in cancer I got very familiar with the energy and how to counteract it. The period was characterized by: 1. Everyone leaving and moving elsewhere, leaving me 2. Very isolated and lonely and thus 3. Prone to self loathing and criticism, which made me 4. Seem cold and unwelcoming to new folks. Also, 5. Lots of time constrained to the home, because of the above reasons, which led to 6. Working at home, either for work or home cooking projects and whatnot.
During this conjunction, the self criticism and depression hasn’t been as bad, largely because I have perspective and know what’s happening, so I catch myself and stop the negative self talk when I can. Still depressed! Just not as bad. But I’m unable to drive the past 18 months so yeah I’m stuck at home a lot. And everything is sooooooo sloooooow. Everything everything everything is at a snail’s pace. Even starting my computer can take twenty minutes! I’ve tried to work with it, and learn the wisdom of the turtle! 😉 And I discovered the Slow Food Movement, which is awesome. I know once this is over (as well as the Pluto transits that have collectively been direct for five years now, one year to go), life will return to normal. It’s easier knowing this, without a doubt. The biggest help is just accepting the slowness, getting into working at home, and channeling the energy away from self criticism and gloominess as much as possible. You have permission to nurture yourself like crazy! It helps. And start quilting or something…it takes the mind off your flaws and loneliness for a while.
Good luck! You’ll get through it. Try to exercise too, makes a huge difference! Just be careful of overdoing it.
Hmm…I see the doc next month. But I just got a referral in the mail to see the local rheumy (there is only on in the whole area), in October.
IT WILL GET BETTER!! Yes, thank heaven Sagittarius comes next!
I also have a Scorpio 4th house, in a “Plutonian” chart. 29 years ago I was you. Some things to share from the journey:
Get a copy of The Mood Cure, by Julia Ross, and do some research on the use of 5-HTP for depression. I have used her treatments, and referred people to her work, with awesome, positive results.
Since you have a big share of Scorpio in your chart I would also keep an eye on Pluto and what/where it is impacting your chart. Pluto has always been a big orientation shift for me, especially when it moves into a new house. I am guessing it is in your 6th right now. Wherever it is, read up on how to best work with that energy.
I know Elsa’s promise to be true…”this is not going to last.”
Thank you! I will check that out. Also I have tried 5-HTP unfortunately I think I might be allergic. After the panic attack I had from taking it before bed hahaha. The doctor was shocked. It’s good to know I am not the only one. I too am a plutonian. Which doesn’t really seem to be a positive thing unless you work very hard to use the energy wisely. My aunt I’m pretty sure was a plutonian and she has a total waste of a life. Spend years as an alcoholic and emotionally manipulated my cousins and family. We loved her but we were too young to understand who she was. She’s sober now but isolated herself from everyone that’s the scorpio transformation I guess. (She is a scorpio) saturn effected her well she got sober in that time and I think she is doing better must have been hard.
Sorry for the ramble.
Thank you though for the advice and sharing your story!
I have felt soo tired lately physically and emotionally. Also, over the past few months I have bee working on my self-concept and trying to build it up by first understanding the factors that damaged it in the first place. I still cannot see myself clearly and in a positive way. This work has made me realize the extent to which I learned to define myself through the lens of pain, shame and humiliation–I was emotionally & mildly physically neglected as a child and teenager as well as physically and emotionally abused by several family members. The clarity to which I can “see” the web of the pain I was subjected to and the effect of painful distortions on myself and my life is overwhelming right now. All I want to do is plant myself in front of my computer and watch shows and movies. I feel exhausted and am not surprised that this process is happening now with the turns and twists of Saturn. I am trying to remind myself that this moment is a “working through” but oh, does it hurt! One of the things that hurts so much is that of having to work so hard to understand and learn to love myself because important others failed to do so, and at the age of 50 when so much of my life has already passed. There is so much that will never be recovered. I have spent this life working as a healer, and hope to earn enough “karma” points to not have to come back here, unless I want to. Regardless of how I was treated I bless all those whom I have encountered in this life.
I look forward to feelings of liberation once this moment passes.
So relatable I too have realized how my childhood effected me. My family totally neglectful. And I was blamed for alot. Sometimes feeling like I did alot of the caring for other people when I should have been having my needs put first. Thank you for your comment it is truly helpfull. Sorry I didn’t see it until now.
Ooh, just wanted to mention…for Saturn transits and the self criticism that goes along with them, a wonderful antidote is Brene Brown’s work on shame and vulnerability. She has Ted talks, courses and books. Powerful, powerful stuff. Highly recommend.
(I was able to go bikini shopping for the first time ever at age 40 and 20 lbs over my usual weight…and I had fun. *I was in a GOOD MOOD when I left the dressing room despite some hideous suits. I just laughed! I even wore the damn bikini I finally bought to the beach, chubby folds and all. Working through shame issues is seriously life changing!!)
my moon is in my third, but nearly on top of my IC, which divides my third and fourth houses. So — I have felt your pain. LISTEN TO ALL THE POSITIVE ADVICE YOU ARE BEING GIVEN by Elsa, and the commenters here. You think you’re not going to get through this “bottom” but you will, and you’ll even be amazed at how valuable this down time is to adding to your knowledge and prepping you for the new good adventures and experiences that await.
I was LOW and my mindset was “ugh I CANNOT get through this!” because things had been great prior. But it turned out the best doors opened directly due to this horribly low time. It was like….a dark hallway into a fabulous room. I was even in tears a few times and pressured to the hilt — but I kept plowing ahead just in sheer bitchy determination!! Shaking my fist at the Universe — “Oh YEAH, oh YEAH????” Hang in there.
Namaste
Elsa, Loved your post. Thank you.
Saturn is in my 4th by transit now – that Scorpio part of me is hidden (Occulted).
I like the story you told.
Kat
Saturn is presently grinding through my 4th house, all the while opposing my Moon, and earlier in the year it was squaring my Sun and ascendant. Yes, it has been tough to say the least. Definitely a low point. I’ve cursed at the universe, you name it. haha I mean, I was already struggling before Saturn came into the picture Neptune square Moon) and so Saturn seemed to be kicking a man when he’s down. It entered in 2012 and here it is 2015 and I’m just now recovering, getting a handle on things. But previously, I didn’t have very many healthy thoughts. Things got real dark. Saturn will be oppose my Moon for the third time in a few months but I’m not worried because I know I’m past the horrible part. I can feel the terrible weight falling off my shoulders.
So if you’re gonna be having this transit in the near future, just know that you’ll make it. It’s just gonna be an extremely difficult time, but you’ll come out golden.
Elsa, how do I know what planets are opposing, trine, sextile, square, conjunct my natal planets? I can see what house/planet their in and if they are near or over my natal planet but I don’t know what aspect they are to eachother. I assumed ones that are directly on my natal planet means they are conjunct?
Yes, planets in a pair or cluster are conjunct. The other aspects are mathematical, 180 degrees, 90 degrees, 120 degrees.
This is the quickest cheapest way I know to come to understand. Get this and then google..
https://elsaelsa.com/product/astrology-transit-interpretation-report-deluxe/
I’m going though Saturn/4th, too. I feel the same way, and I’m not sure yet how I can ever come out of this. I honestly cannot see myself recovering, even though I know I can and will. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for too long in order to avoid going through this. I’ve never felt this low in my life. My dreams were shattered, so I feel as though there’s nothing to strive for anymore. It feels like there’s nothing I want. If I could, I’d hide away until Saturn leaves Scorpio, but there’s too many things I have to do and take care of. Depression takes so much out of your mind andbody, it’s almost impossible to reach out to anyone, because its impossible to put together all of the disjointed thoughts in a way anyone else can possibly understand. People tend to shrug off your situation and tell you what you must do in order to come out of it (the worst because you don’t feel like doing anything) or worse, that they have been through it…or been through something worse. Agghhh. People. During this, I suggest arranging for yourself as much alone time as possible to heal your mind and body. Saturn leave Scorpio in a couple of months.
About the only thing helping me is prayer right now. Honestly, when I pray, I’m able to, even if briefly, see my situation from a higher perspective. It helps to look at your self and where you are from outside of yourself. Pretend to be an observer of yourself. Detach from being “inside” your situation if you can. Then you can look at how everything is happening for the greater good, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Yes totally!
I feel good knowing I’m not the only one but that still doesn’t seem like enough. I just want to hang out at home and ignore everyone. I hate my surroundings. Yet I’m unable to change the circumstances. It does feel never ending. And I have no idea how it will get better. I’m just putting my faith in the universe to make it better. It feels like the only thing I can do.
Unfortunately, I think it’s the only thing we can do, too. I’ve found I feel much better not fighting the depression. Just let it do its thing. Try to just sit with it. I find it therapeutic to write in a sarcastic manner all of the ugly negative things the demons in my head want me to believe…or the ugly things others say about me. When you write it out you’ll say- that’s not me …you’ll see how ridiculous it is when it’s laid out for you to read back to yourself.
I think other people mean well, but no one can fix yourself but you, and in order to, it sometimes feels better to be separate from others so all of your energy is focused on yourself and your healing. Especially in Scorpio, the depression is telling us to chill and take it easy whenever you can. There’s a reason Scorpio sometimes needs to be alone…it’s to heal.
I’ve tried to give myself alone time. I spend all my time at home with family. I realized just how many things Ive had to go through these past couple years. Quit experimenting with drugs. Fought with both my best friends. Lost one I really cared about. Broke up with an amazing guy. Dated an ass hole. Mom’s boyfriend died. Had to move into an apartment from a big house while going to college an hour away from home. Would stay up till midnight just to help my mom pack boxes. The whole move was stressful and unplanned. Because my moms boyfriends daughter kicked us out of the house he was paying half of. I switched antidepressants 3 times. No support or help from close friends and ass hole boyfriend plus my mom couldn’t be there she had her own stresses and grieving. I did some really horrible shit to the ex I dating before the ass hole. Unforgivable things and his new gf is a bitch who works with my sister. (I think she’s getting fired soon :D). Before i graduated highschool i lost my support teacher after fighting with my best friends and he was super busy with other students. Dealt with lack of sleep for months. quit every job I got and burned all my bridges. Suffered horrible skin conditions. Eczema so bad I couldn’t use my hands and mouth. My dads girlfriend is close to a raging alcoholic. I dont really like her. Especially because when im there i stay for a few days. I need some freedom from my family. They can be a total damper on my mood. But im not secure in my independence yet (money/car) . I dont feel ready for that. Even though i need it. I actually realized lately how utterly alone I really am (helps with independence I guess). I’ve lost everyone because I isolated myself when I dated the ass hole for 2 and a half years. And he wasn’t there enough anyways so I just got used to feeling alone. I believe lots of people dislike me. Alot of people I used to hangout with won’t even talk to me now. Whether it’s from growing apart or my choices in life I’m not sure. I think its partly my poor choices. Alone is okay but u need the sharing of mutual support to get on with my life. We all do. I moved in with my grandparents a month ago to ease some of the panic I was feeling. It helped a bit. They have alot more money than my mom who spends all hers and makes poor choices. they still don’t really understand what im going through though and I still feel lonely here somehow despite their efforts which somehow make me feel worse. However above all of the stress i know that saturn just left scorpio so I know things are going to turn up. Unfortunately it’s not done in my 4th house but Sagittarius is much less intense. I’m hoping this new job will serve as a haven for me. Help me create some new friendships and make some money. I’m hoping by being thankful to the universe I will be graced with some blessings. No more suffering.
I am a scorpio sun.On the oct 2012 i lost my business, had to move to a different state. Wife is a cancer sun, she got severly ill, we are divorced now,lost all the savings, even got audited in august 2013 but luckly it went well, lost so many friendships and relationships, felt like even family members and relatives were not that helpful with what i was going through. I felt alone,sad and empty almost everyday for the whole 2014, barely made money to pay the bills but thanks to my dogs that I found a reason to carry on. I am glad that its almost over…but now cause I have nothing left i am still not sure where to start from. I will never forget these yrs of saturn transit…the worst time of my life.
Very well said…Saturn is finally on its way out of my 4th completely. It crossing my 4th in Scorpio was just a toilet-bowl filled with brown turds. That I had to clean, elbow-deep, with no gloves, by myself.
Now I’m finally starting to feel better and can breathe easier. I still have shit to clean up but at least now I can see the bottom and I have better cleaning supplies.
I’m not sure if anyone will read this or not. It’s been almost a year since this was posted and I still feel remotely the same way. I still feel extremely alone. Almost every person I let even close to my life seems to have some kinda of addiction, or financial problem. I keep letting these people into my life that aren’t good influences and I fight to get them out. I don’t want to let anyone close because of what I went through. But yet I need love and attention and I crave it. I miss feeling loved and I miss having friends and people who care about me. Maybe even making better friends. If I could get a response from Elsa that would be amazing. You pinpointed everything I was going through at that time. Everyone on this forum was extremely helpful I look back now and can’t believe how many responses I got. I’m so grateful we could share our similar experiences during that time. Anyways if anyone could relate or share there experience over the last few months, feel free. I’d just like to know when it will be totally over…. And also if anyone else has been feeling melancholy. That’s how I would describe my feelings… indifferent, emotionless, unattached?
Sara, if you post your chart along with your question in the forum – https://elsaelsa.com/forum/
You’re sure to get support! 🙂
Hey Elsa this post was about me. My chart is the one shown here
Hi Sara,
I’ve been going through more or less the same sh*t for the last 3,5 years and there’s 1 more year to go.. I’m 33 and so far it’s one of the hardest times in my life, but I pacify my mind with the thought that it’s slowly but surely moving towards the end. Loneliness, anxiety, isolation, fear, insights and lots of other things all here. How are you doing now? Are you better?