The Need To Reinvent Yourself (In Crisis)

I wrote this three years ago. I thought I should check back in. This is the original post:

I’ve encountered a tremendous challenge this year. Without a doubt, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever come across, in my lifetime.

Thinking “it won’t happen to me” is such a blissful state of ignorance. You may as well enjoy it because so much of life is out our hands. If you’ve been hit, then you know what I mean.  I’ve been hit and I’ve got to rise to the occasion.

My situation requires me to feel pain, think hard and learn new skills. I wasn’t really planning on learning new skills! But I’m doing it!

I just had a client with an Aquarian moon She’s nearly seventy years old and in a position where she needs (moon) to reinvent herself (Aquarius).  She’s got a brainiac, driven chart.  Fixed!  But as of today, she’s got to drive her brain in another direction or else.

This is only if she wants to survive!
She told me plainly, surviving was the goal (Pluto in Capricorn).
So that’s that. Best get on it. Best get with it.

It’s exciting, in a way. To be called up at this later stage of life.  To be in a position where you have to engage your internal gears and get whatever old clunky stuff you’re housing inside, up and running. Not just running, barely, but humming along.

Ideally, a person caught in a bad circumstance can improve themselves and/or their character. It seems human nature, we really don’t reach these higher (or deeper) places without being forced, by a circumstance where there is no true, viable option.

With a double (Sun and Moon) Aquarius mother, I have always likes surprising people.  My mother, with her famous quote, “It’s a sin to bore people.”

I hope this client seizes the day. I think she will. Meanwhile, I will work on my issues. I know I have the ability and the capacity. And the person I was? Really, I barely remember.  I’m going in the other direction. Reaching. Trying. Striving.

See that guy in the picture? He’s a lot better off to go forward, than he is to back up.


Three years later, I have completely transformed,  I don’t think people can see it; I’ve these heavy-duty transits (Saturn, Pluto and Jupiter) in my 12th house.  But I kid you not, I don’t see a shred of my former self, outside my ever-present hologram.  The person who people love to shoot at.

I got an email yesterday, warning me about a fresh set of attacks.  While I appreciate it, my life has changed to such a depth and degree, I see people like that to be as important as crumbs dropped on the floor for rats to eat. Seriously.

The people who matter are people like, Mary, the gal I visited with, her last year of life. These people live in different worlds. I choose, Mary’s world.

I was talking to, Ben, the other day. I think he’s still trying to fathom some of choices I’ve made. Because my life is… excruciating.

I told him, there’s no doubt I could have it a lot easier; this can’t be denied. However, I would not be the same quality person.

“I’m not sure how fun life really is when you know you’re a shithead,” I said. “I don’t think it would be fun for me. I have a choice and I choose to so what any person of quality would do.  This is far more satisfying then anything I could gain if I went the other way.

Can you relate?

24 thoughts on “The Need To Reinvent Yourself (In Crisis)”

  1. I have fractured parts in my neck pain seems to migrate down; lately and I know this will sound extreme but try ;I get large(qt )size whole milk plain yogurt and add some honey or maple syrup and add 1 teaspoon of each ,clove cinnamon ginger cayenne and tumeric also chop and add black walnut and papaya mostly anti pain anti inflammatory walnuts help thyroid papaya adds petosin in for libido
    reinvent feels like a constant for me. Breathe deep little prayers
    You know as a mother u give your children anything possible
    Remember your father in heaven gives like you. Ask him for more
    And believe you should receive, the trick is to believe you should have
    I have too often been humble wanting to give others first
    Your father will give you, and he can give anything, chin up hands together smile as you go onward

  2. Yep! I can relate. With the number of times my slate has been wiped clean & I need to start over, you’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m so tired of it…and what’s worse is, I don’t think this will ever end.

    1. It’s when you realize it will never end, the breakthrough comes. Because you see you were born for such things and you can move to embrace the thing, no matter how dark or daunting.

      1. That perfectly sums it up, Else. When you realize it will always be like this, always needing to tear down and build up again you can deal with so much more stress that life throws at you, shrug and get to work. Because you know your survival depends on it. Grow or die!

        I have a packed 8th house and a 3 planet conjunction in Scorpio as well (even though it’s in 9th house and Jupiter is conjunct Venus and Sun – I always flip the coin somehow), even if my Pluto conjunct Saturn in Libra. They have an itch with my Chiron as well (quincunx). It helps to see it all in a larger perspective, but the Chiron-thingy makes the losses so hard to bear sometimes… *sigh*

        I hope you have good people around you to lift you up, Elsa!

  3. Avatar

    The gravity of the phrase “Let go or get dragged” has never been lost on me. Saturn transiting Scorpio in my 12th and now my first in Sagittarius has forced changes on me I have no choice but to adapt to. As did Saturn in Gemini. Natal Pluto and Uranus in the 8th.

  4. My moon is in Aquarius and I’m near the end of my second Saturn return. I’ve been free and independent for many years but at 59, its wearing me down. I crave some peace and less stress. My old knees say to get off the hamster wheel. I can fight a good fight and make my own way but I’m tired of the fight. Suddenly, I’m thinking of retiring to a small farm. I will not be in the limelight anymore but its time to let the younger ones run the wheel. This is shocking news even to me. I don’t even like the word “retired”, as I’ve been at the head of the pack for so long and proud of it. Maybe the giving up is a different kind of freedom

  5. I sure can relate. He was everything I had. I poured every part of me into him. I gave selflessly for him. Then boom. Gone. I was his mother for 17 years, his friend and mentor, but most of all “A Mother”. Who am I now? What do I do? Where do I go? Never ever was this suppose to end up this way. I had plans, we had plans. These things are not suppose to happen to people like me who are careful and plan ahead–or is it? Now, I look at that picture above, I see me. Standing still on that tight rope. Too afraid to move either way. Rediculous to think that staying right here will be best. Silly and dumb but that’s what I did. I’m happy to report that I’m moving forward again. Reinventing as I go. I’ll always be a mother but the amazing thing I’ve learned is that I’m so much more, I’m me.

  6. Hahaha – I love your mother’s quote!!! Being a trickster Gemini, always looking for the shock and awe factor in surprising people in a funny way. ;-D

    Cheers – Shane

  7. The worst thing I ever had was my mom dying when she was young. But now that I’m close to your client’s age, I’ve had two major blows: job and marriage. Just when I thought all there was to worry about was retirement and eventually death! But if you can get through the loss of a beloved mother (or other family member), then I think you can get through the rest. At least I hope. Nothing is constant but change.

  8. In my humble opinion! The only constant in the Universe is Change. We all should keep reinventing our selves every chance we get as it is the only way to come close to full filling our reason for existing. That said I was taught all my life one must continue to learn if we hope to continue our exsistance.

  9. Me. I can relate. I can relate.

    To do it with grace, is sometimes a challenge, when I am given alot of crap about it. I suppose change can be difficult for those around me. Scary or something. Not what they expect of me. I am getting shaded with anger and meanness in the form of criticism for every little action, from one of my peeps. It feels like an assault on who I am. And like you say I can’t even relate to what it ‘was’ before because I am here now and going forward. I don’t know the person they are beating up. It’s as if they are speaking to someone else.

  10. Pluto in Capricorn is in my 12th, and he won’t leave me alone. I feel like I don’t fit in my own life anymore. :/ I can’ wait for Pluto to switch houses.

    1. Avatar
      the laughing goat

      Can so relate to this! Have been questioning will there be relief at some point… it’s been relentless.

  11. This is a humbling read, thank you Elsa. I do recognize the feeling – I’ve been through this myself, perhaps more often than what is common at my age. It’s my mother’s heritage: she has a Leo ascendant, Pluto tightly conjunct it.

    I’ve been very lucky though, a lot owing to the fact that I’ve allowed myself to be shaped by the hard edges; one really becomes a more defined person. Which is good, because I need it! Some people’s primary objective will always be to just stay alive. In return, we become kick ass at it 🙂

  12. Yes. I can relate.

    It’s kinda inhuman this suffering.
    But quality people are some of the best people in my opinion. You don’t get the sweetened version but you get the dish, the grass and the dirt with it. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to keep it or move on.

    1. I can remember the day I made the decision… and more importantly, the day I announced it to someone that mattered.
      It was a final decision which I was glad to come to.

  13. Today I relate to” let go or get dragged” been terribly hard last 12-13 days and nights, going to my radio right now, little ride little song, be well to all who have been thrashed lately, I pray it is ending soon, can’t barely type
    Tummy in a tight knot, awful, gotta
    Get better. I think it’s my ego that
    Never saw it coming and still creating fear, and I know I am safe, just need to remember to eat more often
    Even small bites every couple hours
    Kisses to you all

  14. This life is excruciating. May we all find inner resolve, and ultimately some peace of mind, one’s it is all said and done.

  15. Ok batter up, not sure it’s a bat or a hockey stick, talked to my sister Kitty, she tell me, it’s not like life gets better or more fair or you paid your
    Penance (ya know the old”offer it up”)no no , you get better at handling
    How hard life is.ok this girl is swinging,back the f*** up,changes quick

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