“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
— Joseph Campbell
Elsa’s previous blog on Neptune really got me thinking. If you don’t have a strong internal locus of self-value, if you don’t believe you are worth receiving good treatment you will accept poor treatment. Neptune energy can allow one to deceive themselves about what is happening in reality. If your self esteem is too permeable to the opinions and actions of others, if you base your worth on what they think, feel and do rather than on an internal value, what YOU think, feel and do, then you are at their mercy. If you are at their mercy you can be prone to telling yourself stories, spinning the truth (Neptune) to suit what you wish to be true.
If your locus of self worth is other-oriented you will be prone to the whims of others. This is why it is said that one shouldn’t care too much what others think. It’s not that what they think is not valid or useful it’s that it is important for your own integrity that it is not the determining factor in assessing your own value. Every single person is responsible for determining their own value through their own thoughts and deeds. A strong ego, the sun, is the basic building block of the personality. An inner locus of self is primary for all growth. It is the foundation everything else is built upon. No matter what other planetary issue you think you’re having they all relate back to the self. You’ll make only minor gains unless it is built on the solid foundation of a strong, self-directed ego.
The position of your sun, its sign, house placement and aspects, shows the energies that express its inner workings. It shows tendencies toward permeability or solidity, inner or outer. However, your expression of these energies can be high or low. Ultimately it is only you who decides which way it will go, no matter what the outside influence. Everyone has a sun, an ego, a self, and everyone can self determine if they choose. It’s more of a challenge for some, but it’s also well known that often it is those individuals with the most challenge who achieve the greatest success.
How is your self-esteem determined? Where is your sun?
the man in the picture (a friend of a friend) built a cutting-edge solar-powered car and travels around north america promoting the technology. here he pulled to the side of the road where others had stopped and approached this wolf thinking it was someone’s dog. so Neptune.
And OMGWD I thought ‘what a beautiful dog!’ HA!
The Sun is on my radar today. I started a thread and posted an article earlier today about taking responsibility one’s life and not being a sheep.
All the more interesting to me because it was written by a Christian minister on October 7, 2001.
Thanks satori.
I will go check it out. thanks, Rachael.
Satori: This post hits very close to home – Neptune in Scorpio in 1stH conj. my Moon. I am going to keep this one so that I may come back to it.
I’m coming out of a Pluto transit (Pluto rules my 2ndH/self-worth) so these issues came up big time.
Am in a much better place now and much stronger.
ahhh I have an aries sun in the seventh, squaring a very capricorn neptune.
I know it will be a lifelong struggle not to find my ego in others, and to need to erect confidence as soon as it dissolves
Thank you – food for thought. Perfect follow on to Elsa’s post. Maybe it is this Full Moon activating my Virgo/Pisces Axis today (north node in Virgo in the second house)….Still crying over this break up (that man was all in my 8th house in pisces). This is a really good follow on post – all I know is all this healing energy is coming from this blog today. You are right about focusing on the Sun. I do have trouble (lots of trouble) with that. Sun in Taurus – in the 10th house. In a nice trine to Saturn in Capricorn in the 6th house (yes – I need to get back to work). Sun is “Occulted” – hard for me to see myself to be honest. Sun is also Square Uranus in Leo (by 4 degrees) and Pluto in Virgo (by 10 degrees). When relationships go belly up – I work. That Saturn is shared by my father (I Have at 29 Cap – he has at 28 Cap, my uncle dad’s brother has his sun at 29 Cap.).
Satori – thank you for this post – I will be digging into this and thinking about this. I am grateful for all of Elsa’s honesty on Neptune – all I ever hear about is how spiritual it is – but I have had one heck of a time getting grounded and establishing boundaries. I am coming along – I am in process.
Thanks again – lots of food for thought – I am grateful for this blog. I look over at the planets and I see Mercury conjunct my natal Pluto and North Node in Virgo over there. Once again – grateful for your post and Elsa’s prior post.
My Sun is in the 6th house, when Saturn pulled into a nasty opposition on my Sun a couple years ago I was fired (not laid off, fired) from my very first out-of-college job which was waitressing which is like worse because how hard can waitressing be for crying out loud? I’m a Pisces with lots of Virgo and take lots of pride in my work. Fired? Moi? For actually being ~bad~ at a job?! Unthinkable! It was a huge blow to my ego and I sank into a mire of depression during the empty unemployment that followed for months and months. It was very tough and I’m sadly not even over it years later. It happened AGAIN at my next job from an even crappier restaurant. I think the lesson there was “this is not the career path for you, dumbass” but wow, it hurt.
Interestingly (to me anyway), Neptune and Chiron are pulling into a conjunction with my Sun/Jupiter and every day I feel myself letting a little more of that old hurt go. Even typing this out feels like it helps!
Satori that picture is awesome! Granted it coulda turned out horrid but at the same time the Neptune influence sure provided an unique experience. It touched me some how.
thanks, Kathryn, I am grateful for you expressing that. 🙂 and thanks everyone for sharing. often I write these things because I’m exploring the issues in myself and I also benefit from hearing about your individual experiences!
Oh man. My Sun is conflicted… it’s at home in the 5th House. It trines Capricorn Moon, which I believe is a favourable aspect? I can feel myself–I am not a stranger to myself. I feel like I really understand myself and while I have drifted far and wide, I feel very much like I know who I am. My own little world.
But it squares Saturn in 8th/Leo, and opposes Uranus, giving me an edge. I hate feeling hemmed in and it is easy to feel like my energy is suppressed. Like, the ME part of me is being externally suppressed and it irritates the hell out of me (Mars rules the House my Sun is in)?
I do have Sun/Neptune inconjunct, Neptune in 12th–this has translated to a feeling of eternal drifing…which I take insane amounts of pleasure in. I don’t worry too much about it because drifting is a familial trait. Gypsy blood.
learningtoground: me too! I was looking on my desktop for another specific image and that one came up! it struck me what a perfect Neptunian picture it was!
it also reminds me of Clousseau: “does your dog bite?” 😀
Kashmiri: 🙂
Also–I was raised by a narcissist and that presents its own unique challenges to self esteem as I am sure you know, satori, with your knowledge of this.
I was discouraged at every turn to think of myself as an individual. I was not a person in my unique right, I was an extension of my mother, only. I was a member of my family, only. Seeing a counsellor for mental health problems when I was young (15) brought enormous shame to my family, especially my mother and I was reminded vehemently at every turn I was a traitor to the unit and would be dealt with accordingly.
So–I left home, Ha ha take that suckers, lol
(the song long and winding road is coming to me).
I listened to that song this morning. 🙂
Were you eating popcorn, too?
(sorry that dream was one of the funniest I’ve had in a lonnnnng time), ha haha!
😀
Hi Satori,
You are welcome. Very Welcome. I am very grateful for this blog and your post – and this was/is the perfect post at the right time. It has given me something healthy to think about.
Kathryn
Satori, Nice followup on Neptune. My Scorpio Sun sits in the 10th next to Neptune in the 9th. In recent months, I see how useful it is to recognize me and my Sun. With Chiron, Mercury Scorpio and MC in that 10th I am feeling the power of appreciating my inner power even when others see someone who wears a mask in public(a real lace and rose protective face mask) AND has a life that is such a stretch from the ‘usual.’
This is very true.
I just finished Saturn’s transit of my third house (Virgo on the cusp), and during it I had my second Chiron square in Taurus (in the 10th). My sun is in Cap in the 5th conj Neptune in Sag, and during Saturn through the 2nd Pluto went over my Neptune-Sun conjunction.
It was like I couldn’t get AWAY from other peoples’ opinions about me. Now that I am through it all, I really don’t allow other peoples’ experience of me to become my own.
Whee, Sun square Neptune and Moon here. I have no idea what I am.
One would think that having Leo sun in the 2nd house of self-esteem would be a leg up on this issue, eh?
Erm… no. *lol*
I used to have a very, very strong internal sense of self-worth, but it got all whiggedy-whack a few years ago and I haven’t quuiiite managed to turn it back around yet.
I’m sure the Saturn and Neptune transits haven’t been helping things. 😛
I don’t know. I’ve explained away bad behaviour, or done my best to be understanding. I don’t know why, for the most part, I didn’t just see that these people were nasty pieces of work. Maybe because so many people were on the bandwagon, and treated me in kind? I know that I didn’t do anything to deserve the treatment that I received in the past, and I both saw that they were wrong, and that I wasn’t a loser – and then would fall on the opposite side, and think that I must deserve it all, and why on earth did I exist if it was just to be treated that way, over and over, when I knew I hadn’t done anything to bring it on. So, I became a recluse.
I think I asked about this last year: I have a second house Neptune, trine my MC and Jupiter, and I’m wondering how long it’s been since I saw myself clearly. Not through the eyes of others, determining my own worth, or through what I’m supposed to be or look like, when I see myself in the mirror, or think about my now lack of accomplishments (I was a hard worked in the past, and now I feel like my brain is melting). Since the second house relates to self-esteem, I can see Neptune there being a problem. I had no confidence issues before a certain age, when I was a kid, though.
Good stuff satori! 12th house Sun struggles with this, but I’m doing better.
12th house sun, too…….wow. Enlightening.
I was thinking about your posts on narcissism, and was wondering if it’s possible to be thrown into something like that, under certain transits. I’ve been so down and depressed – and angry, too – over the past almost-two years now (on and off), and I’ve tried to shift my focus, but bad attitude is in effect, and I’m having trouble getting back to my good attitude for any length of time. Confidence issues up the yingyang, once again.
I think it’s possible to act narcissistically, to become narcissistic… but I don’t think that’s the same thing as becoming a Narcissist. If you were not raised a Narcissist I think you can only “play one on tv.” Although, that phase could last forever if you don’t address it. the difference is that a Narcissist cannot change their spots and someone who is acting narcissistically, going through a narcissistic phase or whatnot, CAN.
I haven’t thought of you as being narcissistic. I only use that word without qualification in the pathological sense. in the pure literal sense it can describe traits that are still on the spectrum of “normal.” there is such a thing as a healthy level of narcissism (has not risen to a level of pathology and supports the ego) (Little N, narcissism).
Working on it
I don’t see my self-worth through others eyes, but I desire the true connection to another, yes maybee splitting hairs, but to be aware of others feelings when trying to build a relationship, this can be very hard.
My self esteem is fine professionally, although I do need to change jobs as I do not think it is a good fit commute wise.
My self esteem is fine when it comes to interactions with current friends and family.
My self esteem is fine with myself.
But in instances when I try to open myself up to try to let someone in, when I especially see someone I may wish to court, all this self esteem stuff falls apart.
Oh right my Scorpio Sun
9th house conjoining MC,Mercury,Neptune
Also in 9th house Scorpio is Venus
My Sun trines my Aries Moon d/Chiron rx house 2/and Cancer Lillith house 6
I have an ego and whenever someone complains about it I think two things.
1. Get a therapist.
2. Piss off.
I had a lot of trouble maintaining my self-esteem when I was a child, but somehow always managed it; not sure how I did it! Jupiter in H2 maybe? I was quite often under attack (Chiron conjunct Jupiter, both in Libra)
During my pulchritudinous young and middle adulthood I had no problem in that respect. But since I’ve been entering into old age it’s once more become a problem, in the face of so much indifference and downright rejection. I’m fine so long as I stay away from other people hahaha!
“if you base your worth on what they think, feel and do rather than on an internal value, what YOU think, feel and do, then you are at their mercy. If you are at their mercy you can be prone to telling yourself stories, spinning the truth (Neptune) to suit what you wish to be true.”
Too wise. You have literally called me out today. My Mars in Leo is on my ascendent in Leo. My sun is in the 10th house. I am told that the sun is therefore the chart ruler – but the sun is Occulted. I have freqently based my whole life on the opinion of others and being pleasing to them (south node in the 8th house) – developing an ego is new. Old me thought it was “Bad” growing up maturing me realizes the necessity and the healthiness of it. Probably need therapy – it is what it is.
Ah, Satori, I always ALWAYS learn something good from you – thank you for this wonderful piece!
nice piece. I have sun/conjunct neptune. My early life was spent pleasing my parents….then when the world stopped responding to my accomplishments in school, and after a great fall from grace…I started living and breathing to my own tune. I always gave people honest, sensntive, and compassionate advice…but never receieved it…instead of letting this make me bitter I just compassionately sympathize now but do not let anyone influence my decisions unless I am paying them or they are professionals…I never look to mirror of friends now…mercury in the seventh…and as a result I am twice the man i used to be…I am also building psychic shields.
I used to think that I needed to find a way to balance my Aries Sun in the 5th with my Scorpio Moon/Neptune in the 1st… But, this post has me thinking that I don’t need to ‘find’ a ‘balance’… but that that it is what gives me ‘balance’.
Great post Satori… Like Arshambow- I’m bookmarking it.
Hi Satori!
Nice picture and post.
What did the wolf do? Did your friend get to touch the wolf? Did the wolf get nervous and run away? Did he growl or snap? I wonder how the guy got the wolf to come so close.
This is a great question. I’m not really liking my answer..but great question all the same.
I have an 8th house Libra sun that trines my moon and saturn and AC, and conjuncts Uranus. My self-esteem is largely based on how I feel, what I accomplish, and how I perceive others see me (which conversely affects how I feel and how much work I do). I’m aware of it but still, I follow the spiral downward when I perceive that someone is against me or that I have wronged someone. Then, it’s a slow process to build myself back up. I think an 8th house sun gives me repulsion to myself sometimes and that is often fueled by my relationship with the world.
I determine my self-esteem based on the mastery and satisfaction I get from playing my cards right. I am open to others’ influence but I vet people before I take their opinions of me seriously – I trust the wisdom of people who are resilient, exceptional, and fulfilled.
sun in 10th house virgo
This is so important i am hanging this on my wall !!
Love this post. Not feeling good about yourself can make it close to impossible to act in your own best interests. It sets you up to be treated poorly because that poor treatment is still a welcome distraction from constant self-hatred. And in a sick way it’s utterly comfortable.
Sagittarius sun.
Its good to see this. I hadn’t seen it before. I am at a crossroads myself. I can continue to accept poor treatment or apologize for pulling back when the treatment got bad. When I think of the years I have gone out of my way to do everything in my power to hold some folks up. Going above and beyond the call of duty….then really look at what caused me to pull back in the first place.I think for my own well being, I have to stay in the zone. If I don’t step up and self love a little, my health is going to get worse. If I turn back now it will just continue to be bad and I’ll continue to make up a story in my head that its alright. It’s not alright. We’ve spent literally thousands of dollars and thousands of man hours out of deep and true love only to be discarded like trash. Me all the while making up the story in my mind that this was okay. Its not okay. I shouldn’t have to do all those things to be loved. Am I a persons that doesn’t deserve love unless I am handing out money?
I don’t expect to be treated like the Queen of Sheba, but I certainly deserve better than what I have received. Which is absolutely nothing in return. Nothing. Zero. Not even a kindness. No thank you’s, lazy text messages as a means of communication. People who wont answer the phone. People who you’ve given thousands of dollars to help their cause don’t call to see if you’re dead or alive.
I think 17 years of it from one of them, and 10 years of it from the other is enough. If I don’t draw the line in the sand at some point I believe it might actually kill me. What have I got to lose. I don’t have anything with the way things are now. Crumbs at best.
I haven’t acted in our best interest. (for my husband and myself) So much so its put us in a financial rats nest.
I was talking (crying) with my husband about it last night. He has closely watched what is going on for years. He said, you can apologize for doing absolutely nothing wrong and continue to be a door mat, and it will get worse, or you can say no. It’s your choice. You don’t have anything now except a revolving door of bullshit, alcoholics, people who will never remember the last thing you did for them, and hurt feelings.
I’m not taking it anymore. If they don’t speak to me again, I’ll get used to it. I have been through much worse than this. They do the same thing to my ex and he flat refuses to take it. After a while when they need something they call him….and drag him back in.
I realize the price. I have lived the alternative. I wont live like that anymore.
I did however decide to write about it. Every single thing that has happened. I am going to write it down. Add receipts, pictures, and proof. I have no idea who will ever read it. But, I think it will help me heal from it.
The stories I have told myself over the years, about things being alright are just stories. Things are not alright. And they haven’t been for a very long time.
I have so much love to give. For now, I am going to turn it inward and love myself a little, and give back to a husband who has been the one taking crumbs for years … I cant do it anymore.
I have to tell the story that is the truth. And the truth is what will get me through it. The alternative is sitting in bitterness because of poor treatment. I am stopping it now. Wont be easy, but anything has to be better than what has been going on for the last 15 years.
I think writing it all down is great. It’s something you can refer to when you start to feel an overwhelming pull toward the poor behavior.
I told a friend to do this when she started feeling sorry for her (now) ex boyfriend. He put her down, sexually assaulted her, and had no respect for her. When she feels the pull, when she starts falling for what she “thinks” he can be, his potential, she should reread what she wrote and stand strong.
All the best and strength to you!
Thank you allie! It wont be easy, but what has been going on is worse. There will be loss. But what I am going through to avoid the loss ends up most of the time being a loss anyway. I haven’t found a way to make it good through any effort…love, money, time, and just plain shutting my mouth. And I have felt really bad for a very long time. Really bad. I have been going against what I know is the difference in right and wrong for years.
Will these folks miss the support. Maybe, but probably not. They will just move on and use someone else. It was bad enough when my own was doing it, but when your own is allowing his own to do it …well you have to decide what you are worth. Either way…I was heartbroken for years. At least when I am not involved in it every day there is some peace.
I started at the beginning and began to write. Two pages in I could see the problem, and immediately knew I was not wrong when I pulled back my energy months ago. I really didn’t have any energy to give anyway….I was so sick there was little to give. And no one was lending me theirs to help me back up except this good man who was always put last.
No more. Grown people can figure out how to take care of themselves
Aww soup you really deserve to be given back to. These people seem so ungrateful. Just pulling away could be the best thing for not just you but to teach them a lesson too. It’s up to them to get it. Don’t ever feel bad about it. Tough love is the way to go for entitled brats. Make them earn your help.
Sagittarius sun, conjunct Saturn. Yay! Even as a child, I was an old soul with a strong sense of self. As I’ve grown older age-wise, I see this wasn’t a bad thing after all.
Love this post ? I have major challenges with my self-esteem, I vacillate between way too much and being a doormat. Sun conjunct Jupiter in 2nd, oppose Neptune, square Moon.
The worst (and most embarrassing) part is that more often than not, I don’t even realize which of the 2 extremes I’m at until after I’ve opened my mouth, so I’ve learned to try to not talk as much or at least give myself some time to try to asses a bit more and I’ve tried to surround myself with people I can trust and genuinely love me unconditionally, so that helps.
My Sun also trines Pluto and sextiles Saturn, so I’ve been working on integrating more self-discipline and trying to embrace the psychological growth these aspects are no doubt teaching me. ?✨
Sun in 12th H Leo. The Sun has provided impetus.
I am facing unimaginable odds. I have to survive myself.
My Virgo Sun is in the 5th House. It Trines my Moon (Aries) and ASC (Taurus), sextile Mars in Cancer andd Jupiter in Scorpio.
However, it is opposite Saturn R in Pisces and squares Pluto in Scorpio.
My self-worth tends to be other oriented. Very often my brain reminds of things I’ve said in the past that I regret (Saturn also opposes Mercury) and I start hating myself for all of them. Whenever I try to express something or do something creatively, I always try to be secretive anddo it in private, not showing it to anyone unless I’m really happy with it. I feel that this fear of derisive criticism started with my sister reading everything I wrote in my diary when I was little and mocking me. I always feel I need to hide, there’s a part of myself I’m afraid that people will find out, but I also feel the need of expressing mysef without fear.
Does Chiron aspect your sun?
It is conjunct to the Sun by an orb of 10 degrees… does that count? But it is also conjunct Mercury by 2 degrees.
My sense of self-worth (Libra Venus conj Scorp sun in the 2nd) is so steady that not only do I feel I deserve good treatment, I am positively shocked when I don’t get it, lol. There is some inflation there, and I always say that accepting bad treatment (unless you never put your foot down) may not be bad self-esteem at all. You might be forgiving, you might feel others are weaker, you shoulder the burden etc. Looks like the same thing but it truly isn’t.
Eventually heads roll, but I have a long fuse during which time I’m not treated right and seem to suck it up.
Just another perspective. 🙂