I’m Torn Between Two Lovers

leo enid collins purse brown


I was dumped three months ago by an Aquarian comedian who needed to “spend more time writing,” and felt he was unable to give me the attention our relationship deserved. I was head over heels for him and basically was a doormat in our relationship – although he denies he ever treated me as less than an equal. My attraction to him was fierce.

A couple of days after that, I fell into a relationship with a new guy, a Sagittarius. The subsequent months have been bliss. Everything is wonderful with him. He is attuned to my needs and I feel like we work really well together.

The problem is that I still talk to the Aquarius and he’s still under my skin. I’m not sure if I’m in love with him, but I can’t shake his powerful influence in my life and wanting to be powerful with him (even if it means I’m in a shitty relationship where I’m undervalued constantly). What can I do to be content with what (and who) I have and stop thinking about this guy? Or does it mean that I’m unhappy with my Sadge?

Torn Between Two Lovers

Dear Torn,

You’re not really torn. You clearly prefer the first man, in spite of reporting experiencing bliss with the Sagittarian. Because bliss is bliss and I know bliss! And when you are blissfully in love with a man, you are not bugged out and obsessed with the man you had prior. The one you attempted to replace in what did you say? Two days! ::Laughs::

Look. It is very easy to find a lover. It’s much harder to find someone you love. Sounds like you have a lover with the Sagittarian. And there is nothing wrong with that.

And if you think I am going to say I think you’re in love with the Aquarian, well I’m not. I don’t think you love him, either. Sorry! Want him fiercely? Yes. But why?

Well you have a lot of Leo in your chart and I think you want him like a prize. And you have a packed 7th house, so you sure as hell don’t want be alone. But I suspect the real reason you are obsessed with the Aquarian is that he had the audacity to leave you. To leave the Queen. So here is my advice:

Come down to earth. Seriously, man. You’re a Virgo! And further, Saturn is in Leo, BAM on your Venus (love). Not only that, it’s headed for 7th house (relationships) and believe me you are not going to be able to keep cruising like this. You’re going to hit a wall and in fact you are hitting it now.

Because when a relationship ends, it takes more than two days to process it. Sorry, but this is REALITY. And when you lose someone you want, it hurts. And getting yourself some passing-by Sagittarian may stave off the pain short term but as you can see it’s not going to hold.

What’s happened here, is you’ve been rejected. That’s a Saturn thing. And if you want to grow and get anywhere, you are going to have to slow down, feel your feelings and figure out why. And I can give you a clue.

The Aquarian basically told you that you were too high maintenance, which makes sense for a gal with a lot of Leo in her chart. But rather than look at that, you find fault (Virgo) with his story and with a Saturn transit underway, you are not going get away with this.

See, it’s not the Sagittarius you are unhappy with. It’s you that you are unhappy and all this inflation and drama around your relationships is merely a diversion from that.

And I am not trying to be mean. I am just trying to get you on deck, here. Because the way your chart is set up, learning to be a grownup in relationships… learning humility is going to be your number one job for the rest of this decade. And the longer you try to postpone facing these issues, the more it’s going to hurt.

Good luck.


6 thoughts on “I’m Torn Between Two Lovers”

  1. Torn,
    There is nothing like a little self-imposed relationship ban to think things through. I went celibate for a year. For the first 6 months it was hell, the next 3 months I felt bitter, and the final 3 months? Well I began to feel like I really knew what I wanted in a relationship–not just from another, but from myself. Ready to rumble in the Land of Man! Ha ha!

    I was born with Saturn in the 7th (also Leo), and feel super lucky I know what I know about relationships. One thing I do know is that a few days is not enough time to process a relationship’s end.

    Do not be afraid to be alone and examine yourself. I know it is hard, especially for Leos as it’s all about the luuuvre, but it seems like in your case it is necessary. Perhaps you can look at why you choose relationships that ‘fulfill your needs’ or ‘make you feel powerful.’ I mean, dang yes we all have needs, but so do others! And if you do not truly care for your Sadge, let him go before he gets depressed. They prefer their freedom over a tight rein, anyway.

  2. I have no sensible advice – I think you’ve been given good advice already.

    Just want to say that I have a Leo Sun, Moon, Venus and I don’t process relationships either. Not saying that’s a good thing but I’ve never done that. It may have been better if I had though!

  3. Thank you!

    It is a foreign idea to me to think of “processing” something. It’s over, I’m hurting, move on, hurt less!

    Elsa, you were totally right on about being Queen and irritated that I was rejected. I really think that’s it. I don’t know how to get over the ego hurt, though! And I also do not think I am ready to voluntarily be alone.

    I feel like I know what I have to do, but not how to do it. Perhaps the best thing would be to simply prepare myself for when I have to make those choices again, and do better the next time around, if it comes. *sigh* WHEN it comes!

  4. I would like to thank Torn Between Two Lovers and the person who answered her issue. Please forgive my poor writing style, for grammar was never my interest or natural talent.

    I am 34 and have dated many women, probably over 50 or so, not bragging or anything, just giving you some background info. Out of all the women I have dated, I have never been more in love with Trish.

    We haven’t dated too long, its been only two months, but Trish was the first “total package” I had ever dated. So, I was naturally hurt and confused when I had realized that after we had a rift between us that she had sex with her “friend with benefits”. She told me about it and I was very upset. We got back together and had another rift and here comes “f buddy” again. This time, I decided not to go back. But today, I broke down and called her and wanted to get her story before I make my decision on whether to pursue her or not.

    When I called her and said I have never heard of a woman loving two men at the same time and that she must be just using me, she said there was a song called , “Torn Between Two Lovers”. I googled it, read the lyrics and youtubed it at the same time.

    I read the lyrics and watched the videos and it still made no sense, in fact it made my gut and head hurt.

    Then I googled Torn Between Two Lovers and found your column on the fourth or fifth result. I read her problem and your answer enlightened like no other answer or sage could. I am no astrologer and don’t believe in any of that, but I do believe in your knowledge of the subject at hand.

    You have cleared my head and have helped me understand the situation and the problem with our relationship. I will leave her and move on, even though she was the “total package”. Without her heart, a “total package” is just an empty box.

    I have never written anything like this before and probably never will again. But I just wanted you to know, how much you helped me today. Thank you.

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