Dear Elsa,
I’ve been married for eight years. I dated my Leo husband for many years before we got married. Our marriage is always in trouble. From the first year, I thought about divorce. But I always thought I could make him be more loving, or something would change and it would get better. Now I have two children. I don’t say “we” because he has no interest in the children.
I am so troubled about letting go. All I have wanted all my life was love. True, breathtaking, caring love, and a loving spouse. I thought I could love him enough to make up for his non-caring attitude. Now I am fed up, but I am scared. All those questions about the affects of a divorce on children, him being a Leo and me being a bull… it doesn’t seem that we will be a very easy divorce. Would I ever get married again? And are there any non-crazy people you’d allow to be around your kids? Do I face all my fears or just stay unhappily married being safe?
Unhappy Wife
Dear Unhappy,
You have Saturn square your Sun and consequently you are a fear-based person. It is a given that you’re going to be afraid of something, but that something can change.
Right now, you’re afraid of the boogey-men you may meet if you leave your husband. Alternately you are afraid that not one of the billions of men on this planet will like you. And you are afraid your kids will be devastated. And I’m thinking it might help if you get yourself some new fears and I have some suggestions.
How about being afraid to die, having never lived? How about the fear that you are teaching your children that relationships are unsatisfying and not fulfilling? How about replacing the fear of “no men out there” with the fear of being stuck with the one you have for the next 40 years?
Now I don’t know about you, but I think that stuff is pretty scary. And you can see my point here. If you will change your perspective, you can get out – and in fact, it’s your responsibility to do just that.
Because you have a ultra-fiery 9th house Aries Sun. The Sun in the 9th house is expansive and fun. And you need to work (Saturn) to manifest this as opposed to cowering down. Otherwise, no shine for you.
And what do you think is best for your kids? Their mother – a confident, fiery streak across this land? Or their mother hiding under the bed? I don’t think there is any question. You call your life “safe” but I don’t think it’s safe at all. Instead, you’re at grave risk of never having a life at all. I say get yourself moving and the sooner the better.
Good luck.
~~
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Can I also add that as a Saturn-Sun type, it’s very important to surround yourself with people who will be positive and optimistic? Bc sometimes other people will play on your fears and it will be very difficult for you not to doubt yourself. They may not do so to be manipulative either, it might just come naturally to them. This is what I’ve found as someone with a Saturn-Sun square and it has been very surprising to learn that I’ve had a talent for surrounding myself with people who helped me undermine myself. And, see, what happens is that these people will reflect back your fears and make them seem like the reality bc you’ll say to yourself, How can so many people be wrong?
But a group of people can be wrong! For a perfect example of that watch The Sopranos–it’s an astute work of a corrupt family system.
I may be putting the cart before the horse here, but…
You say that you dated this man for many years before getting married, and wanted out of the marriage almost as soon as you got in it. So why did you stay with this man for so long when there was no legal binding between you?
Other than that, I agree with what Elsa, Korellyn, and Marly have said. The fears you have about leaving are keeping you blind to the good things that can come of this change. And, as someone whose parents stayed together “for the children,” I wished they wouldn’t’ve.
Have the courage to make this change, and your family will benefit. It may not be apparent immediately, but have faith it will be best in the long run.
“So why did you stay with this man for so long when there was no legal binding between you?”
SaDiablo: I can’t answer for the letter-writer but as someone with a Saturn-Sun square, I’ve been caught in similar situations. I did bc of a sense of obligation. I had promised a man I thought I loved and I had to stick by my promise. In my own experience, I also felt that I was responsible for him; that he’d be helpless without me. I was wrong on both counts, of course.