Venus & Mars & Unrequited Love

Dante's dream“Some women are really hard to get rid of,” a man explained. “No matter what you do, they just keep coming…”

Pining for an unattainable lover is a classic manifestation of Venus Neptune / Venus in Pisces but I don’t think this covers the gambit when it comes to unrequited love. I have Venus square Neptune in my chart. I would never pursue a man who did not reciprocate my interest.

Many of these situations progress to stalking which we looked at a few months back. Astrology and Psychology of Stalking. Turns out stalking is tied to narcissism and anger and control and jealousy. In short, it’s complicated.

In some cases the person is motivated at the idea of making a conquest. My old pal, Dario was a good example of that. He was pure Mars. Clean Mars, is what I’d call it. An unafflicted Mars is generally not malicious. It just wants to conquer. It’s programmed that way.

Other unrequited love situations my be Pluto-themed. For example the grown up “daddy’s girl” who pines for another woman’s husband (Daddy substitute), with no idea what is driving her.

Have you experienced more than your share of “unrequited love” (on either side of the equation)? What do you attribute this to?

42 thoughts on “Venus & Mars & Unrequited Love”

  1. I’d cite Venus Saturn as the reason for mine, because I’d rather shoot myself than tell a guy I LIKEYlike him. What if he doesn’t back? (Mostly they don’t and it’s obvious.) What if he hates me? What if he turns out to be taken and I just embarrassed myself? Ergo, pining.

    I was flipping through some book on how to date 12 frogs before you meet your prince or whatever (clearly I forgot the title of it…) and it said as a tip that you should SHOW your interest because people will be interested if you are interested. I about had a seizure at the thought!

  2. My entire life is unrequited love. I never think I get the love I need. In my mind unrequited love to a Venus/Neptune person is like the build up to orgasm. That’s the best part, right before you release. Imagine working with a person you want, even better, someone you don’t really know but who is in your life regardless. Every day, every moment is the build up to a great big emotional orgasm. The moment you see them your emotions are at their peak. You blush, you flush, your heart beats wildly, you tremble, you take in absolutely everything they say, every little movement and tilt of the head. What self-respecting Venus/Neptune person would trade that in for reality?

    I attribute this to my Venus in Pisces with Pluto. Like you say, Elsa, every gift is a curse equally: you get to live your life in a heightened pre-orgasmic state but you never get the ultimately more satisfying release.

  3. Yes. I had been told “I am not in love with you” or “You love me way more than I love you” by almost every man I dated (even my serious ex) until I met my partner. (There was one guy who claimed he was in love with me but I was pretty damn sure he was gay).

    Neptune in 12th trine Venus.

  4. Venus and neptune (and sun) in scorpio with jupiter conjunct chiron in pisces. I do enjoy the orgasmic build up of someone I cannot have, without the actual orgasm. The first thought that I could actually have im or that he wants me for real and I’m outa there! I still suffer though and it really isn’t good for me. I need to see myself in a good relationship that isn’t boring or hurtful but that hasn’t happened yet. Still a freedom seeker.

    1. Avatar
      Hilldegardes Girl

      Exact layout for me. Scorpio venus conjuct trining Picses jupiter conjuncting pisces Chiron. See if this sounds familiar Dana…
      Mine starts as absolute adoration and devotion…Unrequited of course…. until one day I completely give up and let go and emotiona)y move on. Only THEN they come chasing after me and throw themselves at my feet finally confessing their deep and passionate love in gasping tones…only for me to look at them as if they want me to kiss my brother.never fails…once done and I let it die, its gone. No resurrection. Very sad…

  5. neptune venus and venus saturn
    oh, yeah, and that dustup with pluto may have something to do with it… but i think that’s more the degree of psychological cataclysm involved…

  6. I have a grand trine in water signs….venus in pisces, neptune in scorpio and mars in cancer. Very sentimental….nuturing. I think I give off that feeling because I have been on the recipient side of stalking a few times in my life…not in a vicious way, but definitely intense. My husband has commented a number of times as to how “people are weirdly drawn to you”. As for my feelings….well, I am very much in love with love. That whole fairytale of man on a white horse comes to whisk me away….ahhhhh….the dream is nice….that’s where I like to keep it.

  7. I’ve had many instances of unrequited love in my life. After careful consideration, in my case I feel it is due to the following:

    *I’ve got Mars opposite Neptune ~ I like pursuing the mystery, the charm, the illusion…often, these men are NOTHING like what I think they are.
    *I’ve also got Mars conjunct Saturn ~ I have to WORK for what I WANT, right? Well, combine that with the above and you’ve got a recipe for unrequited “love”. I’m working hard to get the “dream” guy that really isn’t that dreamy 😉

    There are probably other factors, but these are the clearest indicators for ME… 🙂

  8. “What self-respecting Venus/Neptune person would trade that in for reality?(:::) every gift is a curse equally: you get to live your life in a heightened pre-orgasmic state but you never get the ultimately more satisfying release.”

    Very well put,Char

    I have Venus Cap trine Nep 12th (just like Kashmiri).The worst is that my merc is the midpoint.These unrequited loves mess my head up terribly!

    I just got over of one of these with a venus square neptune guy.Thinking back, 8 years or so, the previous (and worse) episode was with a venus pisces in the 12th!!

    Enjoying the non-postorgasmic peace,

  9. My Venus at 10.23 Cancer square Neptune at 10.22 Libra begs the question “you want it so badly, you need it desperately, but when it’s in front of you do you even recognize it? Are you EVER going to be satisfied?”

    Worse, Venus the natural ruler of the 7th is square my 7th house cusp modern ruler, Neptune.

    Can it be worse?


    Venus rules my North Node in Taurus.

    I once was told by a very prominent astrologer that my love relationships and my partners will never be supportive me. That there is way too much challenging energy for it to be possible.

    He was – and is – wrong!

    So all you who really suffer with this, listen up.

    Find a man whose Sun is conjunct your Moon, and even better if their Venus is conjunct your Moon.

    My spouse is Neptunian. A Pisces. His Cancer Moon is conjunct my Venus, and my crazy Aquarian Moon is conjunct his Venus. How lucky could I get? Perhaps because the traditional ruler of my 7th house is Jupiter and I was just lucky?

    It took a lot of time before I met him – but it happened.

    My life is filled with romance. Both in my head and for real in my marriage. We have been married for over 25 years.

    Yes…some days I pine away with my fantasies – but then I pinch myself and say “Wake up! You have your fantasy!”

    There is hope!

    1. I want to print it out and put it on my fridge door! Love this! We do not appreciate the treasures we do indeed have in pur lives.

  10. I don’t have Venus/Neptune but I have Venus in Capricorn (detriment). My one unrequited love and I have our Neptunes conj. in the fifth. One report said he would be “enchanted with me”. The other said this can lead to disappointment, delusion and deception. He was enchanted with me…until we actually met. I was enchanted with him but with his Saturn on my Mars in the 12th there has been a gradual distancing. It has been very painful for me.

  11. This is the story of my life. I have Venus, Neptune, Jupiter and my Sun in Scorpio in the 12th. I have ALWAYS lusted/chased after men that were unavailable or uninterested. At times I was a borderline stalker. When I think back to the way I acted I’m so ashamed and embarrassed . I’ve been married for 25 yrs to a good guy who chased me but I still develop crushes on other men and spend a great deal of time fantasizing about them. (I have never acted on these feelings) My father was unavailable when I was growing up and I was molested by another family member when I was 7 or 8 yrs old. I’m sure these things have a lot to do with my situation. Jeez. . .

  12. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    Venus conj. Neptune, so hell yeah. And it’s rough. Fortunately I have square to that from Saturn, so I’ve never been interested in that which I find “impossible” (though I’ve stretched the definition a time or three), and I sure as hell wouldn’t be a stalker. (Though I did some stalker-y things when I was a teen. >.>)

  13. It is total Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) behavior. My ex is doing it to me now, although covertly because he’s a Scorpio and thinks he’s so sneaky. I’ve caught him several times in my neighborhood, and he has no reason to be here. I’ve banned him from coming in my house, so he told me he put his “essence” in the house, and he’ll be back. He lives and works over 30 mins. away, and never bothered coming to this area until I moved here. With Pluto conjunct Uranus in my 7th, I can see why I married an unpredictable (Uranus) control-freak (Pluto). His ex-girlfriend did the same thing to him! I put up with three years of her stalking behavior. She even actually told him that she would have him thrown in jail as many times as it took for him to lose his job, then me, so that she would be the only one who would want him. (If not for my wonderful kids, I would go back in time and encourage them to be together – they deserve each other.) Her chart is a mess. She has 0 degs Sun Pisces 1st square 0 deg Neptune Sagittarius 10th. Mars in Aries. All three of us are Aquarius rising, but it manifested quite differently! She was totally delusional and did try anything to “win.” Mercury conjunct her ASC in Aquarius. She created conflict just to get to talk to him. He is a Scorpio, Moon Capricorn 12th, Venus Sagittarius 11th. He can only handle superficial relationships. This has nothing to do with love, but control and power to force another person to do what you want them to do. The worst thing you can do to these people is ignore them. They hate it, but eventually they go away to interact with someone who gives them what they want – drama.

  14. I have venus, neptune and saturn in a t-square. Yep, I’ve done it. I get rather obsessive when I really like someone and I’m not sure how much they like me. It’s exhausting. Once we’ve settled into a relationship then I’m fine.

  15. i’m not cut out to be a stalker type either (my cap asc and virgo planets recoil at the indignity) but i’ve done my fair share of pining when i probably should’ve moved on. with at least a few of those people, i know there were contacts to my moon-neptune conjunction, which is uncomfortably aligned to my sun-venus (sesqui-whatever i think)

  16. Elsa, I’ve never been more SHAKEN/intrigued by something on this site.

    I’m Cancer in 10th w/Mars in Gemini 9th & have a hard time letting go sometimes but I became FBI/KGB like when our daughter started having safety issues.

    1. Old boyfriend following her & had a cop friend “chat” w/ him – very creepy. Years later we found out it was MUCH WORSE.
    2. Someone called her 103 times in 4 hours & hung up until 104 when he described in GRAPHIC detail how he was going to kill her. Police involved & supoened records-it ws someone she met 10 days earlier he’s OCD w/ other “issues”
    3. Problems w/ a coach, we had to get school authorities involved, they’re no longer teaching.

    These are only the highlights! She’s Pisces in 10th on the cusp. Which sign, planet or house shows where you’re a target of stalking???

  17. “Which sign, planet or house shows where you’re a target of stalking???Which sign, planet or house shows where you’re a target of stalking???”

    CancerMom, I am sorry but I can’t isolate that to one thing. There are too many combinations / situations.. sorry.

  18. Elsa,

    Thanks for the response but this was completely retorical!

    I’m adding this to my list of questions when I get my reading in July. 🙂

  19. CancerMom, like your daughter, I’ve been stalked multiple times, but I don’t know which astrological significators best apply. I’ve got every one of the outer planets in aspects to my Venus and it’s probably more complicated than that. I’m sure Elsa can help you there, but what I wanted to respond with is encouragement for you. From my perspective, and this is because of my own history, your daughter is/was lucky to be seeing this play out when still in your care. It took me a long time and some brutal wake-up calls to both understand how my energy affects people and to stop being so damn oblivious about it. I’m in no way suggesting that it’s your daughter’s *fault* that such screwy things are going down. I just hope that there are ways for her to learn about herself, with your help, that can help her manage and protect better going forward. Much luck.

  20. Sanguine,

    Thank you for your encouraging words, unfortunately your wisdom comes from the same type of situation. I agree about her being in our care during this time & she’s a little more aware than your average college student – she also has her concealed handgun license.

    I’m more proud than anything because she stood up to these people & the person who describd how he’d kill her has stalked 3 other girls prior but none of them said anything, they didn’t want to piss him off. The prosecutor said he was escalating so by her standing up to him they told her she “may have saved someones life”. For this we are VERY grateful.

    Glad you got your wake up call & hope things are more peaceful for you now – they are for my daughter.

  21. Avatar
    Blessed Place

    I’ve had quite a few unpleasant periods in my life of suffering from unrequited love – in all cases the man had led me to believe that a relationship could be possible (and in a few we had actually had a relationship which had subsequently failed).

    A couple of the men were gay so there was never any chance, but I had very intimate relationships with both, all the same. I do get really obsessive when I fall for a man though, and find it very hard indeed to let go – I can walk away, but never seem to truly let go when the love was deep and real. I blame this on my fixed Taurus Moon and on my Cap Venus!

    In the few cases where we never even made it to bed, it takes me about a year to get over the obsessive love and then I forget the whole thing – sometimes wondering ‘What was all that about?!’. Where we’ve been lovers, and it’s been deep, it never really goes away – I just learn to live with it… eg The Man who if he loved me, didn’t in any sense in the all-consuming way I loved him

    I’ve got Neptune square my Cap Venus, btw, and also square my Cap Mercury.

  22. I’m feeling what Char said. 12th hse Taurus Venus/Mars semi-square 8th hse Sag Neptune & the Neptune sextiles Libra Pluto & opposes Sun/Jupiter.

    (Aware of how pathetic & disgusting this sounds) I don’t feel “right in my world” with-out someone to obsess over who doesn’t exactly like be back….

  23. I’ve had a few unrequited love episodes with men who I have Venus-Pluto contacts in synastry with. They’re Pluto, I’m Venus. They’ve always been interested in me too, but it often turns out they’re already in a relationship (none of them has been married though). They think long and hard and always decide to stay with their current partners. It’s funny in hindsight, I’m some sort of a wake-up call for men who feel stuck in their relationships. They end up happier in their relationships, I end up alone and pining 😀

    If there’s been any stalking, it’s been mutual and while quite obsessive, it hasn’t been too creepy.

    1. wow sounds like the film, “good luck chuck” where he has sex with women and women find luck & marriage with another man. you’re like their lucky charm. a bit different but ultimately the end same happiness.

  24. I used to be that way..ewww..a side I wasn’t crazy about. I have Neptune/Venus conjuct in Scorp square Mars, and I was the “other” woman quite a bit in my 20’s. Never when I was involved with someone and never with anyone married, but I cringe today at some of the lines I crossed.I think there was some safety in wanting someone that was the dog chasing the car..what the heck would I do with someone if I caught them. The fantasy was so much better than reality. But I grew up and have been married 15 years now and faithful. I’ll admit to the occasionaly daydream, but would never cross that line again..reality wins.

  25. Let’s not forget the deadly South Node connections! These are also deadly as I have experienced first hand; like invasion of the body snatchers. Never. Again.

    1. Avatar
      Warped by Wuthering Heights

      His Chiron/Venus conjunct my South Node/Uranus = 10 years of pining. Finally aged out of it, thankful now for solitude.

  26. In dynasty his north node and Neptune are conjunction my Scorpio Venus and his Jupiter is conjunction my Libra Sun.
    I’m recounting in horror as I realize how ridiculous I’ve become in seeking his love and response. Called a friend to help me practice codependents anonymous today.
    Really undone and scared by this experience. Attempting to reframe.

    1. And recounting though it can work, meant: recoiling
      …are conjunct. * … is conjunct…
      (Virgo moon 3rd house proof reader)
      Gratitude ?- I’m feeling a bit better.
      Good to read the string here… I’m not that rare

  27. Oh Elsa you definitely touched some of the sour pain points of mine. I never knew Venus/Mars can also replicate effects similar to Nept/Venus. Now it makes sense

    I have Nept opp Venus in my natal Chart, all my life i have been the one breaking relationships at the slightest disappointment. I also come from a broken Family (Sun opp Saturn) hence my father was pretty much absent from my teen onwards age. My last two relationships were like real (as i enter 24 + age) which an age gap ranging from 6 to 9 years (and i cant complain i enjoyed the company of an older companion). I cant put my finger on if it is because of my daddy issues or my maturity (people say i m mentally and emotionally mature given the age). This being said, my last guy and i had composite ven square mars, needless to say it ended because of our complicated situation and we saw it going no where. despite having strong feelings from both ends we ended it (he has sat sq ven natally).

  28. Wow…much of what was said here is familiar.
    I recently started a topic about a heavy cancer woman I am close to. Her Sun, Venus and Mercury (last 2 conjunct) oppose Neptune in Capricorn.
    She has never seen a relationship clearly, always rushes in feveroushly, and later learns more than meets the eye.
    Stubborn she is about learning some astrology.

  29. Ive been with my Husband for over ten years. The bullshit romantic love story book ending is a myth. For me, there is genuine love and caring that is proven by long term actions and character. We have problems, we fight, he’s not romantic/sensitive/ outwardly caring but he shows me he loves me by taking care of our young child, and a million little things he does every day, for me, our child and us. Im happy with my imperfect man but then again im nowhere near perfect myself. I appreciate what i do have now instead of comparing him to a fantasy in my mind.

  30. Avatar
    James Slattery

    Neptune(in 8th) sq. Venus in the (6th) natally. Much fantasy and eroticism. Putting the other on a pedestal, both directions. Coworker crushes. Attracted to people in the medical/health/healing fields. Vast imagination, unrequited love, tragic love experiences. Healing through love other times.

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