Venus Conjunct Uranus: Losing A Friend

With Venus about to conjunct Uranus on it’s way to oppose Saturn and square Pluto, I am realizing I very likely lost a friend. I hate to say it because we’ve been talking for a number of years, maybe 6 or more but I think our last conversation did us in.  When I hung up I thought, jeez, and I’ve not been able to think anything but since. It’s like we just can’t go on.

This reminds me of when I had my first baby and a few weeks later my best friend has an abortion.  She just didn’t want to see me after that and this separation is along similar lines. The difference is I don’t intend to maintain this smaller circle which I think is something widely applicable which is why I am reporting this.

While Saturn and Pluto squaring off may very well signify a consolidation and the need to get by on less, Jupiter and Uranus are about to engage and and indicate an opportunity and expansion.

This may sound pretty drastic but what makes sense to me at this time is that I leave the people who wish to drop off (or drop me off) to do as they please, letting them go easily with an eye on the horizon. In the words I would not fight  to keep a relationship at this point.

My husband said something to me awhile back that struck me: “The people in my life are the ones who have decided to stick with me.”   Venus rules Taurus and it probably is that simple.

Right now there is a void but I am betting there is a new number on my phone soon.  I could not get rid of my baby to keep that friend fifteen years ago and I cannot get rid of this element of myself either so…

Anyone running into anything similar?


42 thoughts on “Venus Conjunct Uranus: Losing A Friend”

  1. Yes, in the past two days, I’ve been: suddenly de-friended on Facebook (with a final rude comment posted for all to see) by someone I’ve known quite well for several years, and unfairly dissed via email by a friend I’ve known for 20 years. This morning I realized that my boss doesn’t like me and only keeps me around because I’m very good at my job and put in far more hours than I’m paid for. I’m letting both peopke go without debate or further comment or defending myself because right now I don’t feel like fighting for friendship.

  2. People, not peopke!

    And I’m seriously thinking of letting my boss go, ie. quitting and working freelance from home. I hate confrontation (Libra rising) so my plan is to work really hard to clean up my files and get ahead of deadlines (to make it easier on my colleagues), and then simply not show up for work one morning instead of giving notice. This sounds like a very Venus-Uranus thing to do.

  3. This past weekend I got together with a friend whom I have known for 20 years. Our youngest children are best friends and 12 years ago I moved to the neighborhood I am in to be next door to her and we literally bought the house right next door. In the last couple of years I have noticed changes in our friendship, like….there hardly is one anymore. This has been extremely difficult for me, but I am getting to where it is not bothering me as much as it did last year or the year before.

    12 years ago my husband and I lived in a house on 5 acres and we did not have neighbors, we had to drive miles to see our friends. My mother was basically my best friend and then she died 12 years ago and I convinced my husband to move inside the city limits to be close to this one friend and then I realized how different we really were in so many ways and I actually think I embarrass her at times. Sometimes I say the most outrageous things and I think that unnerves her. She is an Aguarius Sun, Moon, Ascendant.

    I have a hard time letting go of friends. Once a person is my friend, I am in for life. I talk almost everyday to my childhood friends that I have known my whole 49 years, even though they live in other countries. Now that I think of it, the only other friend that stopped being my friend was another Aquarian….what is up with that?

  4. This is coming through my life, and I am letting go, letting go, letting go, without even a conversation at this point. I’m not going to make anyone be my friend, or my date, or like me.

    If someone wants to stick with me, I’m all for it. I do feel that new people are about to arrive. I’m open.

  5. denamaria, 12 years is a jupiter cycle….where was jupiter 12 years ago, and where is it now?

    ((anna)) i´m sorry. i just had to email my 2 closest girlfriends and ask them to stop including me in group emails with a 3rd gal, who dumped me 7 years ago after speaking ill of the man who was abusing her. i basically got on my knees to beg for forgiveness but she wrote me off. the man stayed.

  6. Elsa, I’m sorry about your friend.

    Was going to add: I wouldn’t get on my knees to beg someone to still be my friend like I did with that gal, that’s for sure. We had been close for years and I thought it was worth fighting for.

    I’m also remembering that other people may feel the same about me–thus am not taking anything for granted, loyalty included. Being patient with my loved ones, biting my lip until Mars goes direct, etc.

  7. PS. I’m referring to me (meaning I wouldn’t take fight for her friendship again, if I was presented with the same problem these days)

  8. chrispito..jupiter was in pisces in my 7th house, back then and now. Back then Uranus was in Aquarius in my 6th house.

  9. dm, does it have any difficult aspects? i remember once elsa writing about how it can take 12 years for clarity of a jupiter transit (or something on those lines???)

    unfulfilled expectations of a merging kind of relationship with someone you love? ((((denamaria))))i really feel for you.

  10. (((Elsa))) (((Anna)))

    As for me, I moved to N. Carolina 3 1/2 years ago, after being in s. Florida for most of my life because it was the right time to go. I had to figure out how to survive with three kids to support by myself. Their dad’s family nor mine were of any help to me, and with their dad having died; there was no other choice. I could’nt find a job there to save my life, because I refuse to speak Spanish; and there’s too much nepotism among the ethnic majority there to get an ‘in’.

    I had a small, tight circle of friends there who at least pretended to understand my circumstances for the most part. While we had agreed to remain close, I have seen them each drop off, one by one. I will confess that one loss was an amputation of a friend of 16 years that decided to question/disparage everything I’ve done to get stability; while I was emotionally FRAGILE and busting my ass to do right by my kids and myself.
    (No, I didn’t take on a man she disagreed with – I just was’nt close by for her to covertly kick around anymore. There has’nt been a man for eight years).

    Astrologically speaking, I have no idea what to attribute these losses to. I did’nt know a soul when I moved here, and still don’t know very many folks and have no local friends to count.
    IDK, 12th house sun ? I hear this is a lonely placement, and I have it.

    As for the baby-envy thing, I had a friend of 12 years stop speaking to me when I got pregnant with baby #4; b/c she was jealous. I just thought she’d been extra-busy, and she acted surprised when I dropped by to show her the baby — like I had’nt told her at all ! We’d been friends for a Jupiter cycle, and I cut her off altogether after that — my supposed BFF.

    It’s weird, but it seems like friends that I’ve seen through a crisis or transition disappear soon after, and the same seems to go for people who I’ve befriended during a difficult time. The dust settles, and I find myself standing there alone; no matter how much care was taken to preserve the friendship.

  11. I’m sorry too. 🙁 I have some very bad memories of some times when I’ve lost an important friendship.

    When you posted this, I was reminded of something I read on Gwyneth Paltrow’s website about friendship “divorces.” Here it is for comparison, since it’s interesting that the subject is so timely.

    Gwyneth is a 4-degree Libra Sun with a massive Libra stellium. Saturn and Pluto must be hitting her hard, and the way she writes the intro, it sounds like maybe she experienced this personally.

  12. It’s been happening in my world too, lost a friend of 25 years because I just don’t have the energy to dote. We haven’t really been close for the last 12, since I had my oldest child, but now it’s official. I don’t have any hard feelings, and I’m not sure if she does….guess it really doesn’t matter.

    And (((Reikiheart))) to you as well. Sounds like you could use some support right now. But I know what you mean about seeing friends through crisis. I’ve done that more times than I can count…stick with someone through the dark only to be left behind as they recover. Maybe that’s why I haven’t made an effort to include many in these past dark days.

  13. I think I’m weird. I don’t fight for my relationships, and it never really occurred to me to do so?

    I will try to figure out how to say this better and explain – but I’m more of a Motel 6 kind of friend. I’m always here (and the light’s always on) and if you want to come in for shelter, you’re welcome to. But if you don’t want to be here, I’m not going to drag you in from the cold either.

  14. I ended an eleven year friendship with a friend that, I eventually figured out, was a total narcissist. We had a conversation on the phone, she was a bitch towards me as usual, I let her go and knew that would be our last conversation. I can be a bitch too, woman! Now what??!! lol

    Seriously though, I always made excuses for her “bluntness”, bitchiness, vindictiveness, jealousy, etc. I kept trying because she was one of my first friends here in TX. Don’t get me wrong…I can take a blunt friend…I can handle bitchiness. What I can’t handle is watching someone act sweet a pie around “new” people, strangers (boys in particular) and then turn around and treat people who really were always there for her and cared about her like a straight up punching bag. She was always very hurtful with her words, which were often uneccessary. She was mean for the sake of being mean.

    Bye, bye; and it didn’t hurt me at all at that point. No looking back.

  15. I don’t either, Shannon. I don’t think it is a Saturn inferiority issue either, but more of a why do I want to hang around people who don’t want to hang around with me.

  16. (((Elsa, Anna, and ReikiHeart)))

    “I will confess that one loss was an amputation of a friend of 16 years that decided to question/disparage everything I’ve done to get stability; while I was emotionally FRAGILE and busting my ass to do right by my kids and myself.”

    I has an ex so called BFF do this to me when I was trying to escape an abusive situation. If I could stab him and your ex friend and get away with it I would. I think that is so low down to do to someone when they are fragile and they know what they are doing.

    I have been reevaluating some people. I too defriended on social media and purged contacts in every single email account I own on March 1st in a fit of rage.

    Quite frankly I feel used by some of these people. I contact folks, send well wishes no one responds or responds in a way that is left field to what I said. Or they contact me (I have been told I am an excellent researcher) ask for info and then disappear- no thank you- no follow up – nothing.

    So now I am not answering questions or emails asking for information and if I do I am vague.

    Then I have a friend in an abusive situation and I have helped her more than any of her family or other friends have and yet she is now treating me in ways that make me want to leave her alone.

    1. such as having me go through all the trouble of setting things up for her, lining resources up for her, talking to people at agencies and then she refuses to follow through or speak with them

    2. The past week she tried to manipulate me twice trying to get items I own, by putting words in my mouth I never said – these conversations have bordered on gaslighting

    3. Being snappish and having major attitude. She was in the path of the tsunami warning after the chile earthquake and I called her to offer my airfare miles so that she’s be safe and she snapped saying I woke her up and she knew about it and she needed sleep and probably wasn’t going to get as I woke her up

    Everything turned out ok in her location, but still…

    Then there is the constant talking over me and cutting me off in conversations.

    I am on the verge, but then she goes on these hysterical crying spells when I call her on this crap about how no one loves her, helps her, and she has no one.

  17. This has been a recurring theme in my life. Close, close friends and lovers one day – then the next ‘poof’ gone with no explanation… so I’m with Shannon on this one. I will miss them for awhile, but if they don’t want to be around me then ciao baby. Someone else always comes around to fill in the gap eventually.

  18. I just decided that I had an unhealthy friendship with someone and had to block their email today. We were newly acquainted but she will wonder what the hell happended. But I am much better off.

  19. @Jilly exactly that. I will give my tribe the world on a platter if they want it … and if they’ve passed the entry test to be in the Tribe then I cut them a lot of slack on a lot of things, as they do me. But if someone doesn’t want to be around me, then that’s great – go somewhere else and be happy. And I mean that in the sincerest possible (i.e. least bitchy/sarcastic) way.

  20. Avatar
    Le Ciel du Scorpion

    I think, if anything, this transit has taught me to chill out. For the past few months, I have been so worked up about what is and what isn’t, that I have been missing the present! I went away last weekend, and just a few days away put it all back together for me.

    I like the way you put this, Elsa:
    I would not fight to keep a relationship at this point.

    I’m done fighting to keep people in my life. It’s too much work. If they want to be in my life, they can be. But I have a lot to do this year. I’ll gladly stick by anyone who chooses to stick by me. That’s about all I can muster.

  21. Anna, I feel for you. (I feel for all of you…) When I left my last job, I cleaned everything and left a roadmap to make the transition as smooth as possible. I did not, however, give notice. I went through one too many abuses by my boss and resigned on the spot in protest.

    I regret not taking the high road, though. It was the last shred of my dignity. I would feel better now if I had given 2 weeks notice, even if I had to suffer through more that way.

    I’m not in your shoes, so no one can honestly know the right path for you, but just wanted to let you know my experience…

    This happened with uranus conjunct my sun opp. saturn… And if I had waited 2 more months… almost everyone in the company was laid off because they didn’t get financing. *sigh* Now I have to explain myself in job interviews…

  22. Sadly, this is what Saturn’s transit in Libra and its square to Pluto shows. Saturn, int eh sign of Society, ruled by Venus, also signifies relationships and friendships.

    What is happening now is a preview of Saturn’s return into Libra this summer, through 2010, and into 2011 and 2012.

    People are discovering the previous friendships and relationships have possibly outworn their usefulness, while others are discovering that what may have been seen as a “friendship” or “relationship” may not have been as strong as once thought.

    I remember observing the same thing occur back in 1980-82 when Saturn made its last transit in Libra, as the times changed, and people moved on as friendships and relationships that were not strong, did not last.

    Saturn re-enters Virgo this spring, and by mid-July, fully enters Libra, then, in August is joined by Mars, then Venus, so expect old friendships and relationships to come to an end for good.

    But, as Elsa notes, again, insightful and direct which is my preferred style, opportunities do arise as doors close, other doors ope.

    Be aware of not becoming too taken back with those who have decided to move on, or, if you have decided to move on then do so with energy and positive outlooks as new friends and relationships are on the horizon.

  23. Pluto transit 11th house eviscerated my friends’ base. I have learned to look at friends as energy and if they consistently bring mine down or are unkind they are quickly water under the bridge.

  24. Avatar
    complex midlife momma

    This too is a recurring theme in my life, from losing friends due to family moves to losing friends over different perspectives on their boyfriends to losing a friend to suicide. The last two friends I ‘broke up with’ similar to divorce. I am beginning to think I am intolerant. Facebook has brought high school ‘friends’ back into my life, but there isn’t one BFF (other than hubby) at the moment.
    @Shannon- I’m with ya on open arms and not chasing after someone. Sadly, this has also happened with my sisters. I stopped being the one who initiates calls, emails, etc. and do not hear from them. How does one say good riddance to family members? I guess with a smile.

  25. (((Elsa, Anna, ReikiHeart))) *Big Hugs*

    Can’t say as I’ve had too many divorcing friend experiences. For myself, I just don’t expect too much, enjoy the good times, and hold my cards close to be seen only by a few people (Scorp rising)..

    (((complex midlife momma))) Family is a tough one…my sister and I haven’t spoken for 5 yrs., then 3 yrs. prior, then 12 yrs…it goes on…

    My 13 yr. old daughter likes to say “Whatever…” to a lot of things…there is some wisdom to that when it comes to friendships ending…

  26. denamaria – those uber aquarian types never really let you all the way in. One on one close personal friendships are not their thing. I’ll bet its when you moved in beside her that she got uncomfortable. I kinda get it, cause I’m like that myself. I love my friends, but give me space!

    I believe Gwyneth Paltrow was talking about her ‘frenemy’ at the time, Winona Ryder.

  27. I agree with barb, I don’t even think it’s uber aquarian, just aquarian, there’s always a bit that is held back, there’s just a little bitty bit that will not melt and flow.

    That being said once you’re my friend (unless you totally betray my trust) you are always my friend. It doesn’t matter if I haven’t talked to you in 10 years, you are always welcome back, however, unless you make an effort to keep in touch, neither will I.

  28. To Jilly, Heather, Oshun, and AriesSun; a heartfelt thanks for your support; I greatly appreciate it.

    I think it’s wise to view friends/ships as energy, like ‘eldil’, and I would even go as far as to view family in a similar light. It sounds like no one has the energy to fight for the preservation of a friendship around here ! But no surprise, with Saturn/Libra happenings afoot; per Theo’s observation and many posts by Elsa and her contemporaries on the subject. It is a bit bewildering when it becomes personal though; isn’t it ?

  29. Avatar
    complex midlife momma

    Thanks Elsa, I’ve been reading you for quite a while now. Just never felt compelled to comment until this thread.

  30. (((ReikiHeart))) “…sounds like no one has the energy to fight for the preservation of a friendship around here!) – well, may I offer a perspective on that idea??
    Friends come and go, and some stay for a long time while others are there for a shorter time. Our lives are like “scenes” from a movie where the friends help me along in that “scene” of my life. When my life takes a different direction, they may or may not be around – for whatever reason. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, love them any less, or ignore them, it’s just that like the movie, the story line continues along, and they may not play as pivotal a role in my new life “scene”.

    I’m thinking by fighting you mean putting energy into the friendship to keep it going..yes, there needs to be effort (just like any other relationship) to keep it going. Very few relationships (outside of parents, sibs) last a lifetime – a blessing if they do.

    Also (((ReikiHeart))), I live in NC. Love it here, hope you have found a support system…I agree with a lot of what you post.

  31. Avatar
    complex midlife momma

    @ReikiHeart I do tend toward viewing all life as energy and that would include all relationships. Yet, I’ve never been one to “fight” for the preservation of any friendship. I’ve always seen them more as a joining in the river of life, and if we drift in different directions then so be it. I must have had an expectation that ‘family’ was to continue to flow in that same large river our entire lives. But, like AriesSun (I’m Aries Sun also) pointed out, family (and friends) can drift in and out of our lives. It seems that when friendships ‘end’ and we truly believe there will be no future reconnection, then bewilderment can set in. But, if we keep our eyes ahead and not upstream, we usually find other kindred spirits flowing downstream with us. Sometimes I just want to push the river along instead of simply enjoying the ride.

    @Theo Thanks for your insights too. Very helpful.

  32. Avatar

    Shannon – motel 6 friend. ROFL, I just cannot stop laughing at that because it it SO apt.

    I’m here as a friend too but don’t chase after people but WILL change my schedule to be there for someone if they really need it or ask or indicate they’re open to help/company/someone to listen etc.

    As for the pregnancy thing – I’ve found more often than not that they ones getting pregnant are the ones leaving me. I don’t blame them and there IS an open door, I do understand the overwhelming energy that goes into having a kid, raising a kid, etc. but not having one myself I let them make the decisions with their time and energy.

  33. Hi all,

    i’m glad i came across this site & thread. here’s something i’d like to share.

    it happened to me too; yesterday i posted more or less some “last loving pictures” on facebook. but i guess it’ll become even worse next week, when venus goes opposition saturn.

    “she’s” 34, a (asian) scorpio with uranus conjunct ascendant 🙂 her venus is in aquarius, conjunct ic, trine to pluto in 12th in _libra_ 🙂 her moon is in capricorn, opposite saturn in a t-square to jupiter-conjunct-chiron, in 6th in aries :-). well, yes, indeed… not really the most “affectionate” of people 🙂

    she entered my life about 2 years ago. there were some weird behaviour patterns – most of my life i attract people who challenge me to share “empowerment”, love, self-acceptance, growth. but more & more i learned about some real frightening trauma that rests deep in her heart; _real bad stuff_, being haunted by asian mafia-killers, a cruel & adulterous mom, literally absent parents, no experience of home – but CRISIS. i didn’t know it – but i’m the first non-abusive man in her life.

    she works _hard_ on herself with yoga, meditation, different kinds of “self-empowerment”-techniques – nonetheless… again & again she wonders how comes she attracts fierce crisis.

    right now, saturn in libra transits her 11th house; it’ll move into 12th end of this year. since i know her, she has to learn the “hard way” that it’s time to let go of some so-called “friends”.

    situation intensified when mars went retro in LEO (!!!). she had first hit in october, that resulted in major conflict with her “core” friends, a group of artists. i had warned her; it didn’t help. second hit was in january, a peak was retrograde mars conjunct her mc – the day she quit her job at university. third hit will come up in late march.

    so i was aware… & tried to be patient, kind & gentle. it’s a long-distance relationship; it’s intense; it was characterized by mutual respect, mutual benefit, mutual growth.

    problem is… during last weeks… during these trying times of saturn/pluto-square, saturn in libra, mars retrograde in leo… she also encountered neptune/chiron-transits over natal saturn & natal pluto. i mentioned her natal pluto in libra, in 12th house? the deep trauma? really, a wounded will… to be able share, _power_ of love, mutual nourishment?

    _these ones_, the neptune/chiron-transits, are 2nd in a row of three. last year when it happened first time… it really _hit_ me: one day to another, everything changed completely. she was using language & behaviour that was just “inappropriate” for situation – & many times i wondered, _whom_ is this woman talking to? _whom_ is she fighting to survive? you know people who have been victimized so deeply… it’s the only way they have been allowed to train… to reach out to others?

    last year’s neptune/chiron-transits lasted about 3 months. this time it’s only about a month. end of this year, 3rd row, will continue for about 4-5 months – i guess, it’ll be _not_ releasing, but _re-embodying_ deep pain & wounding, fear of rejection, inhibited self-esteem & self-forgiveness. same time saturn will move into 12th house.

    uiiih, i forgot…, sure bet…, neptune/chiron transit her 4th house 🙂

    you got the picture?

    i know only very little about astrology. one of my (western) acupuncture/chi kung-teachers introduced me to it – & i found a “language” like poetry; a language that enabled me to “speak” the way mind moves in strong meditation: deep, focussed, transcending linearity.


    i’d like to second “Theo” when he mentions “sadness” while speaking about saturn-in-libra, re-evaluation & coming-to-end. i’d prefer to call it “melancholy”, as opposed to “depression”; imho “melancholy” _mellows_ heart/mind, it enables humble acceptance of our very limited powers & skills, it’s great fertilizer for mind-gardening to nourish compassion & forgiveness.

    but i also second many others who reveal uranian mind, experiencing detachment, when talking about disruptions in emotional relationships. if i may be allowed to say; it’s my humble opinion that uranian disruptions come with a feeling of “letting go”, “freedom”, “space to _breathe_ (the promising air of fresh & new opportunities” -but, actually, it’s just _that_: disruption. if one wants to be _free_, you’ll need a lot of saturnian diligence to accomplish that.

    i share similar notions as others have stated already: we attract people. & people come & go – as do feelings, thoughts, convictions. in these trying times, i’m willing to go an extra-mile to share nourishment of a happy heart. nonetheless, all things have their arising, their peak, & their ending – & that’s true too for “personal relationships”, what you think?

    if doors close… – mind&life will become ready for exploring new avenues. recently a friend reminded me, “don’t be so attached to your personal movie” 🙂

    soon venus will enter aries. uranus will enter aries. jupiter will enter aries. mars will turn direct.

    🙂 i guess, it’s obvious… – i’ve been touched by venus-conjunct-uranus 🙂

    i’m curious what’ll happen next 🙂

    thanks to read all this 🙂 wish you well

  34. my interactions with my old best friend have improved immeasurably since i stopped living with her. i think it’s helped us both grow up a bit… like being around each other trapped us, mentally, into old teenage roles we’d outplayed.

  35. I found this link from an old board post.. not long after this was posted – later on in March – I lost a friend who ended up coming back later on in the year. I found that she’d deleted me from Myspace, for no reason that I knew of, so I contacted her. I almost got angry, because I’d lost someone else the previous month (a man, who also came back – both Taureans), but I was in tears, and just asked her if I’d done something wrong. She got back to me all upset, and let me know that it had nothing to do with me, that she needed to move on from the situation in which we’d become friends, and that whole circle. She was going through some difficulties, and no longer believed in certain things, so she needed to move on. She’s one of the best people I’ve met, but we also tend to keep our distance – both needing space. 🙂

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