Why Can’t I Find A Man? Because You Can’t Be Trusted.

It might be Venus opposing Pluto or the fact my lunar return this month is particularly feisty but I feel like tackling these difficult but rich topics latley.

With Saturn in Libra many people are trying to overcome whatever it is that blocks them from partnering. I am trying to help them and because I am ambitious and my success is dependent on their success I am trying very hard. I also just prefer results to failure and this requires that I get down in the mud and blood and slime and try to figure out what is going on. Why can’t a reasonably attractive single woman find a man to take her seriously as a partner?

There is always a reason and while there are a numerous possibilities, I only want to talk about one of them simply because no one ever does. A man is not going to marry a woman he can’t trust. Got that? I am not talking about fidelity. I am talking about TRUST.

If a man can’t trust you, he’s not going to invest in you and commit to you, though he may sleep with you. When I say trust, I use the word in it’s complex form. For example, he’s got to trust that you won’t ruin his life.

There are a lot of women who offer no such guarantee. Matter of fact, their behavior strongly suggest they WILL ruin a man’s life and if this is the case what is he to do? What would you do if you had a head on your shoulders?

You can imagine how delicate an operation is when I’ve got tell a woman that people don’t trust her but if no one ever tips her off, she’s probably doomed. This may not matter much to a woman at 22 and 24 but  as she heads towards 30, turns that corner and has her baby clock kick in, it’s a whole other story.  The point comes were women want to get to the bottom of what it is that plagues them and often enough, this is it.

Can you be trusted? Is it observable?

related – Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

53 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Find A Man? Because You Can’t Be Trusted.”

  1. I can be trusted. The Taurus had more doubts in himself, than he did in me, from what I could gather. he admitted to me that he felt that, even though he was good-looking, that he didn’t have what women wanted. There I was, trying to get past my trust issues (I had similar issues: that men were attracted to the way I looked in some way, or the fact that I smiled a lot, and was warm and sweet but shy – but I didn’t trust that they would want me fully, and be good to me long-term).

    His trust issues were his own.

  2. I do understand what you’re saying, though. I see it in another way, too, re: my own insecurities and my lack of confidence in certain ways.

  3. For the record, this is skewed the way it is because I primarily work with women and this post is about them / for them.

  4. I can be trusted. But, can anyone give examples of how it is observable? I mean, are you talking literally visually observable? OR do you mean do you demonstrate the fact that you can be trusted..do you make it a non-issue before it becomes a problem by proving your trustworthiness?

    How do you let someone know..ladies..that you can be trusted?

  5. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    I am significantly trustworthy, but I have problems trusting myself. I tell you, that gets in the way too.

  6. Yes. No matter what sex you are it’s important to have a partner with common sense and practical skills who can survive trouble. Loyalty too.

  7. Men don’t like volatile. They THINK they do, but it scares them half to death, if they’re serious.

  8. LOL McKenna!

    Right, of course, Elsa. I keep forgetting to change my phrasing with these sorts of questions… I guess I’m just curious about what would lead you to have to tell a woman that people don’t trust her? (Obviously this is a topic that has ALWAYS intrigued me.)

  9. I hope I can be. I try to be trustworthy. If someone calls me on something that has irked them and makes them feel I have done something to betray their trust, I try to not do that again EVER!! But as LisLioness said, I may show insecurity due to Venus in Capricorn and Men don’t like that either. They like confidence in a woman. I unfortunately lose my confidence when told by men I don’t have any, as was the case with one. I was very insulted, but took a good look and it’s true. I have to work very hard at having confidence in myself. I hope these women, can learn from this and turn their lives around. It’s never to late to live and learn, and change things for the better. Great subject Elsa!

  10. Oops! Sorry LisLioness! I re-read above and see now that Salali made the “insecurity” statement. I read too fast sometimes and don’t catch things!

  11. That makes sense: why would anyone marry someone they fear would make a mess of their life. The perception of “how/why” could be very diverse though. It could be fundamental flaws or even quite trivial things in some cases, projection or even external factors like family or liabilities.

    Like Dawn said – venus in cap or venus sq saturn create obstacles partly in presentation. That could create the impression that you’re cold, unreliable, or just simply unlikely to enhance their life. Or you find it hard to get to stage when someone could even think of a relationship let alone marriage.

  12. I am incredibly trustworthy, and yet, I married two pathological liars. I even spell it out at the beginning of a relationship, “DO NOT LIE TO ME.” I don’t know why my honesty would attract such loser behavior. The Scorpio and the Sagittarius do not share any similarities in their charts that I can pinpoint. Why push to marry a woman who tells you she cannot tolerate liars? I’m at a loss. They were the ruiners, not me.

  13. Aries Moon….that’s got nothing to do with it. As for volatile, if that were true, talk shows would not exist a la Jerry Springer etc. Men go for women who are screwed up.

    If you have your head on fairly straight and are confident, they want you but are intimidated. Personally I’ve never met a man I would trust enough to marry. That gives them license over your life (ie. pull the plug or visit in hospital etc.), your credit rating, everything. No way.

    Elsa has done my chart before. It’s pretty clear I am not here for marriage and i’ve never wanted it. I have an Aries Moon, I’m one of the very most trustworthy people anyone has known and I protect the underdog. Cross me at your peril and by cross I mean, it takes a hell of a lot to hit the wall with me but if you do, you will not get off without your own shortcomings being pointed out by me.

    My brother has an Aries Moon as well. Also very trustworthy. Now, Aries Sun….that one I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.

  14. Also wanted to say, far too many men really do NOT like being held accountable. If you’re confident (ie. in their mind, volatile because you dare ask questions) they feign whatever they can think of to spin it onto the woman. Those are weak men. Problem is, if you’re confident, weak men are attracted to that. Drives me nuts.

    Good men are out there and many/most are married. But if a woman doesn’t want to marry, nothing is going to change her mind. We’re not all meant for that in this life.

  15. I’m trustworthy in the sense that I’m not going to ruin anyone’s life. But I can’t promise I’ll stay put in one place with one guy for the rest of my life. I don’t really wanna get married either, so I suppose it’s not a problem 😀

  16. I always thought I was trustworthy but I’m finding that I have more work to do on myself. No, I’m not a cheater or liar but My soulmate and I are slowly working on rebuilding trust with each other. Trusting each other with our hearts, that someone won’t leave, that we won’t ruin each others lives. We have come so far in the past year. When we broke up I felt like I lost half my heart. I was terrified of how much I loved him so I bolted. He was hurt n we ran from each other. I even moved 3000 miles away to try to forget him but he found me in his own way. I found a public blog that he was posting on about us, our love… We always has a mental connection too 🙂 I just moved back a few days ago. We’re not back together but it’s clear we both want to do the work… I never loved anyone the way I love him n it almost brings tears of joy typing this out right now. Plse pray for us that we make it this time …as u can see, this TRUST post really spoke to me this morning

  17. “Like Dawn said – venus in cap or venus sq saturn create obstacles partly in presentation. That could create the impression that you’re cold, unreliable, or just simply unlikely to enhance their life. Or you find it hard to get to stage when someone could even think of a relationship let alone marriage.”

    Funny..I have Venus in Cap, it’s sq Saturn and I’ve never had a problem finding a romantic partner. If anything, I’ve been forced to reject men, and that is how this one has played out for me. Also, of course, partnering with age differences, that has played into it too. I do admittedly come across as cold at times, and that is consciously acting out that side of this combo so as not to attract unwanted attention, which makes me very uncomfortable.

    For this topic, I think it would be difficult for someone to own up to the fact that they can’t be trusted, but I think Elsa is simply throwing it out there and I agree with her, some people need to hear this. Above she mentions that this is just -one- possibility.

    She has a valid point.
    You don’t want just any man to marry you, do you?..many women want a stable partner who has some merit. I wouldn’t worry about men partnered up with apparent psychos, like attracts like, imo. Many people meet exaggerated versions of some qualities they have in another, just to learn about themselves I guess, see how it looks from the outside. That has been my experience with my relationships and seeing others and their partners.

  18. Yeah I appreciate Elsa bringing this up too. It is helpful for those who need it.

    My problem is that I never attract anyone “worth” committing to, even for unmarried long term relationship. But then I don’t look either. I accepted what came my way instead of actively looking and choosing for myself. I do other things with my life which matter more to me than finding a man, which I guess is a flaw in itself.

  19. As one of the few resident men here on this blog-board….

    …I’ll 2nElsa’s’s words. Had I known that my ex would be so irresponsible (numerous things) , I would have never married her. But I suppose I had “blinders on”.

    I assume most women who takes care of their health (not necessarily have “bikini bod”) by default will not be a hazard to relationships.

    Now if only if I can be that dependable.

  20. …I’ll 2nd Elsa’s words.

    *Sighs* Gotta watch these words after using “ieSpell checker”. Grammer check it’s not so good at.

  21. Trust is definitely relationship glue – it can be built by being dependable, available, and consistent with your partner in how you treat them, how you resolve problems that come up. I don’t think it’s necessarily a matter of whether or not they are successful on the outside or appear trustworthy, but that they actually ARE in the development of the relationship and the life you build together. I mean, we all trust our friends, and in the same way I think you can probably tell who can be trusted and who can’t – same goes for a anyone looking to partner.

  22. @ladyluck – best of luck to you. a good relationship is hard to find and is worth working for.

    I think what i was trying to say was that sometimes even perceptions can distort trust. and you got to work to overcome that – and yes trust is the vital element in a relationship and its worth being reminded that we ALL need to evaluate ourselves.

  23. @darvaish: “Like Dawn said – venus in cap or venus sq saturn create obstacles partly in presentation. That could create the impression that you’re cold, unreliable, or just simply unlikely to enhance their life. Or you find it hard to get to stage when someone could even think of a relationship let alone marriage.”

    Well I hope I wouldn’t come across that way. I was married for 16 years. And I have had many boyfriends before that…but none very long term or healthy relationships. I don’t think I am cold or unreliable. I usually take the brundt of things and work hard to make things work. But I definately lack in the confidence arena. Have to “work” on that! Thanks Saturn in my First House!

  24. @darvaish, thank U… ur right, a good relationship oes take a lot of work… I’m hoping and praying we will be okay

  25. I think aries sun can be also trustworthy, if he has earthy planets. I think people with air domination…there you have to be careful!!

  26. I’m pretty sure my former landlord is an Aries moon. And she’s happily married. She fits CLD’s description. Very trustworthy woman, very good to do business with but DO NOT CROSS HER! (I stayed with her as a tenant for years because good landlords are hard to find.)

  27. Trust Worthy. I’ve thought about this question all morning, and back to find more to the thread.

    Worthy of trust is at once simple and complex. Simple; “in the gut” I can trust you to know who I am, and support me. Complex: if in the course of life, “I” change trusting becomes different. Because who and what I am/do to maintain worthiness could morph. Communication practice is vital, and that’s what is most challenging for me. “Appearing” solid as a Capricorn would, when I became vulnerable, ill, homeless, those who trusted me didn’t know how to because I was animal-like.

    Attracting men? I attracted men from both sides of the parent-man in my childhood. I’ve had to learn how to unlearn faulty trust models; and re-build from scratch. Slowly(Saturn rules my chart from the 8thH) I trust myself when I smell a rodent.

    Childhood lessons are unlearned in stages, and within relationships. I am at once both girl and near-crone. Somewhere in between I trust both and then I am rooted like a tree.

  28. @Dawn – sorry hon didnt mean to project or anything. I’m just wondering if my venus sq sat is coming across this way these days and I certainly didnt mean to imply YOU’re cold or unreliable!
    The description’s my speculations about how I might be being viewed these days by ppl who dont know me. Trying net dating & feeling a bit fed up is all 🙁

  29. CLD, Maybe approaching instead of waiting for them, approaching someone who seems on your level. Not trying to butt in, here. Which is one of my faults 😀 and I do attract nosy men, lol.

  30. Lonake, no point anymore 🙂 But you’re right, I could have. I just honestly went through life focused more on career and school. Men just complicated my life and brought upset and drama with them so I had enough. I’m ok with it 🙂

    I don’t know how y’all do it….I wouldn’t put up with half the stuff couples do to stay together. lol Which totally explains my chart!! 🙂 hah.

  31. Interesting…I am totally trustworthy and have never had trouble finding a man (in fact I have trouble finding a man-free world, LOL)…never put these two concepts together. Good food for thought–and can apply to all relationships. Thank you!

  32. I have found that certain men find me trustworthy to the point it becomes a boundary issue. I can think of several men that have opened up to me about deep issues (and not just the weirdos, but nice guys too) and then I realize they want to be with me. I’ve mostly pin-pointed this theme to Pisces-type men (Moons, Suns, Risings & Mars) and my best guess is they hone in on the ASC Neptune and Scorpio Moon/8th house energy in my chart. To offset it, I have to play up my Sag rising and Gemini Mars/Venus party-girl persona to keep the brooding and love-lorn at bay. It’s like I don’t always want the responsibility of someone’s “trust” — especially not if I haven’t really earned it.

  33. catfishmass- that’s the way it was for me, too, with this one guy. but he was skittish and then went weird on me.

  34. Well, now I’m pretty much a mess, but before, I was just waiting to meet someone I sparked with, who ‘fit’. But I haven’t been out there enough, and for some reason, those who were in my life in some way, just fizzled out. Taurus was hit and miss, and I called him on mixed signals. It was just a weird situation.

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound defensive up there, if that’s the way I came across; I trust and value your opinion, otherwise I wouldn’t be reading and thinking about a consultation. It’s just that I kept so much to myself, didn’t blab anything, and was there for him when he needed someone- and then he decided to spiral downwards, and became mr. party guy, with his new buddies, and I was expendable (unless he ended up missing me – he came back numerous times, but I can also see a control thing there). this is just one of my sore spots right now. 🙂

  35. catfishmass – same here.

    Salali, I think I know how you feel. Same situation here. Been struggling to let feelings pass the past while as they reared up from nowhere suddenly. Must be that Grand Cross stuff. Anyway, yes keep far from him and if he comes back, don’t respond or encourage or “be there for him”. Screw it. You deserve better than that. {{Hug}}

  36. I agree with Savannah too. That was certainly true of me. The emotional connection can be there but that doesn’t mean he’s a healthy choice.

  37. To CLD, I am with you on that. There may be chemistry. There may be an emotional connection or even a cerebral connection. Your head may be saying yes but your gut tells you to run for the hills. Some of these relationships don’t work out because they aren’t supposed to. And I think as women we tend to blame ourselves or think there’s something wrong with us. Hogwash, I say!

  38. Savannah, totally agree. When you said cerebral ….nailed it for me. It was both, emotional and cerebral. But for me, very unhealthy. My gut was telling me to avoid but he was childhood friend. Finally, finally (!!) I had enough and say goodbye. He had the last word and I was happy to let him have that last word because really, all I need is him to stay far away from me. My life is my responsibility, his life is his responsibility, and i’m not taking his stuff on becuase it’s all just too much.

    It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one dealing with this. Mine is mostly over, ended it months ago. The emotions reared up though out of the blue. I let them flow and now….it’s passing quickly. Thank goodness! 🙂

  39. CLD, I like what you said in your original post. I too have been thinking about whether or not I am meant for marriage. With a Mars/Moon in Libra and a Venus in Scorpio in the 4th and a Cap Sun and ya ya ya so on… you would think so.

    But Saturn through Libra has made me really averse to partnering– a total 180. For the first time in my life I’ve been thinking about what I want (not in relation to what other people want), and not going out of my way to please others or be with them. Right now, I don’t want to think of myself in relation to how a man would feel about me… I want to protect myself while I take the necessary time to heal and grow past my shitty relationship with my father (recently uncovered).

    Some very distant part of me still would like to get married and have kids but only on my terms, not on the nasty terms of the mess I grew up with. But let me tell you, it’s a weird place for a Libra-type to be in, truly not wanting to be partnered.

  40. My point though, is that oddly enough I think this is what will help me eventually, maybe, get partnered for real and not just to zombies of my past.

  41. CLD, you and I seem to be on the exact same page. I would say we were born on the same day, but I doubt it. 🙂
    I see you have moon in Aries.
    I have moon and sun in Libra. And my Venus/Mars are conjunct my Sag ascendant, squaring Uranus/Pluto conjunct the midheaven. Down on the IC sits Saturn, creating a T square.
    Jupiter is in seventh house trining my sun.
    Don’t suppose our charts are similar?

  42. Savannah, maybe we’re just at similar points in life 🙂 I’m a Scorp Sun with Gemini Asc. Venus in Libra, Merc and Mars in Sag. I have been told I have a T-square but cannot remember where/what it is…lol

    No planets in my 7th house whatsoever and black moon lilith somewhere that I was once told explains why I don’t want to marry. I’m really just not cut out for it.

    My chart reads heavily as life of service to others. And damned if that hasn’t been true. It feels right. Chronic illness also stated (nearly exact descripition of my illness in particular, which is freaky) with my Sun in 6th house. I’m just here (this life) to help (service work) but also have heavy leadership but I really don’t like being leader/in charge. Too much hell comes with that. Currently trying to fulfill some responsibilities in leader role and get the hell out. I like to help but don’t want the targeting which comes with being “in charge”.

    Basically if I could hide in a cave to the end of my life and just quietly help in life when/where I’m able, I’d be thrilled. I’m tired.

  43. CLD, I admire your independence and I think we have that in common. Good to hear you are healing from your relationship woes. It will get better as time goes on.
    As you know. 🙂
    I would have been a Scorpio too had I been born 34 minutes later. We both have Mars is Sag. But the similarities end there. I forgot to mention I have mercury conjunct Neptune in Scorpio in the 12th.
    Anyway, it’s amazing how we think so alike. Best of luck in your leadership role. I know exactly how you feel!

  44. according to my closest source, men are really happy to find a woman who won’t drive them insane. if they’re interested in anything beyond a fling.

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