Some people get a clear message that another person is not interested or no longer interested but they just can’t or don’t or won’t parse it even when the message is repeated and consistent over time. I guess you could say they deny rejection. They know they have been rejected they just think the person is mixed up or due to change their mind.
Others imagine rejection when it doesn’t exist and some see rejection as a challenge to be accepted and raise the level of their pursuit.
Still others are rejected and completely oblivious to it and if you think this can’t happen I can tell you that I am forever waking up… often times years later to realize (or be informed by someone) that so and so hates my guts. (Saturn Neptune)
Rejection is associated with Saturn. Of the top of my head, I’d say that in general Capricorn is most sensitive to rejection, frequently going so far as to reject you before you can reject them. Aries is probably the sign most impervious, Cancer would deny the pain of being put out in the cold and Libra may think the other can be convinced to partner with them with just a little finesse or love offering. Personally, I have fallen prey and acted out most of these scenarios.
What are your experiences / observations around rejection?
I don’t think I’ve ever denied/not seen rejection. I have Saturn trine Neptune, and sometimes I imagine it’s happening,when it isn’t.
Usually when that happens I’m not privy to the other person’s circumstances. They’re sad/in a bad mood/occupied and I feel “oops, they don’t like me”
For a while after my ex left my friends would ask if I wanted to get back together, as if it was an option..! Uh, why would I want to be with someone who has obviously rejected a relationship with me?
Saying that, I find it a bit soul-destroying. I’m not thick-skinned at all…I do bounce back though. Eventually.
(Capricorn Moon; Saturn in Leo/8th)
I only get angry at rejection when there’s arrogance or nonsense in it.
I have had many people loathe me and been completely unaware. This happened a lot when I was young… I was quite repulsive to a certain segment but having come from the desert, I just had no clue. Henry taught a person so accept everyone and I thought the whole world was like this. 🙂
This probably happens less now but who knows?
As for rejection spelled out, I accept it without question and it doesn’t affect me very much unless I am at a low point or something.
I have never seen rejection as a challenge. Matter of fact when I walked into a bar when I was 15, trying to get a job, if they had rejected me, I’d have not tried again but that’s not what happened.
Rejection that is displayed but in a way that is nuanced,I also pick up on very readily and beat feet right away. It is the false face that gets me.
WTF are you doing inviting me to a party if you don’t like me? That kind of thing is just beyond my comprehension.
The consequences of not backing away from people like that is really starting to show. I’ve grown to walk away when ?I sense this instead of trying to make it smooth. That kind of situation is fertile ground for slander the curses kind.
I do both. I imagine rejection when there isn’t any, and I deny rejection even though it’s clear as day. And I experience it the other way, too. People think I’m rejecting them when I’m not and they deny it when I am. It’s Pisces on the cusp of my 7th, problems with reality in relationships.
I generally don’t encounter much rejection except in one specific sector of life, and until recently, I self-selected myself out of rejection’s way. That kind of rejection is difficult for me to handle or shrug off, so I excised the opportunity to hurt me completely.
And yeah, I got bounced recently — twice — and it hurt, still does, but no pain, no gain.
I’m guilty of all of the above. The worst experiences for me where actually when I totally got that they weren’t interested and immediately went my own way.
The problem was that they kept telling people that I wouldn’t leave them alone. I have even had their friends tell me that the person wanted to talk to me, just as a joke on their friend, and to humiliate me.
Thanks for saving me from a far worse fate of being apart of your world…cruel jerks.
It’s interesting that you say Capricorn will likely “reject you before you reject” them. I have Saturn in Capricorn, and I always try hard to do that. I always thought it was my Leo pride, or Scorpio moon need to control. Someone only has to give me the slightest hint of rejection, and I am so out of there. I never, ever try to convince someone to “like” me.
I’m an ignorer (Aries Venus opposing Libra Saturn?) I reject rejection entirely subconsciously. I may notice it, but somehow, go through some loop and come out the other side going ‘well, that can’t be right. Maybe I should just convince them…’ It took me until I was 22…seriously, 22, to realize that people won’t love me just because they’ve known me x amount of time. I just figured it was a given. Still, there are times when I have an interaction, and go home, and just stop everything and go ‘OH, THAT’S WHAT HE MEANT?’ And then I try to figure out a way to ‘fix it’ or change their minds…never works, I know, but i just keep operating that way.
If anything, I’m wayyyyyyy too quick on the rejection signs. If I can convince myself that someone is (or is not) doing or saying something because there’s even the most remote of possibilities they’re not interested, I back way the fuck down and assume they’re not, period.
Probably a defense mechanism.
This post is rather “apropos” for me. I never considered that Saturn had anything to do with rejection before. Makes sense though, I see how it falls in line with boundaries and protection.
Sounds like there’s definitely a connection between Saturn and a friendship I have of about 7 years that feels like it’s coming to an end.
I experienced these feelings more intensely in the past – a few years ago when a dear friend felt she had to cut me out of her life for about a whole summer.
I suspected rejection then, and eventually began to take steps towards accepting it. I felt that trying to contact her (well, beyond my initial “Hi, how are you doing? I miss you” call that was never returned) then would be disrespectful, like maybe come across as an interrogation. Respect was the number one thing I bent over backwards to preserve in a relationship I deemed to be meaningful.
Later I found out she had been mired in personal problems during that period, and had been having a rough time. I wasn’t the only person she neglected, apparently she refused to interact much with other friends, even her own mother which she used as an example of how messed up she was feeling at the time (she has a 4th house Sun lol). I trusted that she was not trying to cut me out of her life, but I was still devastated that she didn’t come to me for support like usual. It took another year for me to resolve that issue with her.
As it stands, we are busy but try to meet up and connect occasionally. I don’t initiate conversation the way I did in the past, because I feel intrusive somehow. Something has shifted, but I don’t know if we’re just changing buses or if it’s the end of the line.
The other week I felt obliged to spell out as clearly as I could how much I still cared about her, how the situation made me feel and what I was going to do about it.
I was adamant about not infringing on her life in any way (I wasn’t going to press her about the lack of communication and haven’t). Still, she hasn’t responded with much, except that she would in the future – when she has time to process it, I’m guessing. Who knows what she’ll end up doing? I don’t, and waiting with bated breath for the result won’t help matters.
I honestly can’t tell if she’s trying to break it off with me “for real” this time or is tied up in something again. Just trying to move on and get out all my grief whether the cause is real or imaginary. Yes, I have Saturn-Neptune, why do you ask? ;P
I think in most cases rejection is not a rejection of the person but of the expectations this person has towards us, or the expectations we have towards them. So, it’s actually not personal, unless we identify ourselves with our expectations. When I fall in love with someone and expect him to love me back and he “rejects” me, he is actually only distancing himself from my expectations, which is ok if he doesn’t love me, because I don’t want a bandog but a partner, right?
That’s the theory, because many are attracted by the rejection, since they learned early in life that love hurts and thus, anything that hurts must be love…
Elsa–have you found that preemptive rejection, no matter who does it, tends to attract the wrong types of people? I.e., sooner or later, the only people willing to put up with it are those with an agenda?
I see rejection in many places, whether it is actually there or not. Rejection hurts me a lot (Cancer sun), but I can dig deep and move on somewhat quickly (Aries moon), but definitely permanently (opposite Pluto).
WanderingStar – I don’t know or may not understand what you mean. What I see is if you reject everyone you wind up alone… which is probably your greatest fear..
Conny: I resonate so deeply with what you just said. You’re 100% correct in my opinion and I’m so glad you gave me that insight, because you’re right.
I was talking about a different outcome where only people with an agenda keep coming back. Better company gets pushed away more permanently because they have better options, and so don’t bother with the nonsense. If I’m still being unclear, don’t mind me 🙂
What you said in #4 has been true for me. When I was younger and had t. Neptune on my asc there were people who loathed me – and actively worked against me behind the scenes – that I had no idea.
When I applied to grad school I applied to the 1 place I wanted to go & decided if they didn’t want me I wasn’t meant to go to grad school.
Jilly, did you get into grad school?
Hmmm….Capricorns and rejection, huh…
Happy to say that I dumped finally dumped my double Capricorn ex for good–before he could do it! (Though he’d been rejecting me all along, my Libra finesse probably was what kept me trying to smooth it over.)
Victory for me! My rising is in Cap, I might add.
But normally, I think I can tell if someone doesnt like me/is rejecting me. In fact, I might even be oversensitive to that. My problem is actually being able to tell when theyre into me 🙂
Saturn: in Scorpio & 9th house
Yes and it really helped me with my Pluto opp Moon transit at the time.
My chart is completely ruled by Capricorn/Saturn and I’m extremely sensitive about the idea of being rejected. I’ll usually keep my distance till I know the person likes me and even then I’ll try not to appear too eager so I don’t scare them off. I also have Venus in Capricorn Square Saturn in my 10th to top it off.
Elsa=”WTF are you doing inviting me to a party if you don’t like me? That kind of thing is just beyond my comprehension.”
I feel EXACLTY like that. My saturn is conjunct my sun.. but I’m not really sure what that means in this context (It’s squaring all my pisces planets though, in the 5th.)
However what I first thought of was My neptune in Capricorn (3rd house) I always felt rejected (and convinced of it) by my community and neighbors… but then they would “invite me to parties” so to speak. And made me feel like everyone was playing with my head, because I couldn’t outwordly reject them, cause it’s rude, when they are being so good about doing it passive argressively.
HAHAHAHAHA! Whenever I visit my hometown, I always run into someone alone while I’m out and about shopping, and they say something nasty.
Then see them at a party later chatting up how awesome it is the *Golden Artist* is back in town, bringing up all the wonderful things people supposedly think about me when I’m not around.
I never would have known the high opinion people have of me in my community if it wasn’t for the public parties, cause everyone goes out of there way to let me know how horrible they think of me. Very confusing. They are weird back home.
BelovedMoon, I really like your Sailorjupiter avatar 😀
Usually I’m pretty clear on the “go away” front. There’s only one time I didn’t have the good sense to stay dead and I wished to hell I would’ve at this point. Rather hard, though, when someone you know and love has done a 180 and is giving you all the right words, but no action to back them up. Finally told them to piss off, I didn’t need it anymore, and was called a manipulative bitch for doing so and subsequently dumped/abandoned/rejected (take yer pick) by still more of the very small circle I had left at that point.
On the littler rejections, eh… whatever. It doesn’t effect me. That one, though… threw me for a loop, mucho macho big time. *nodnodnod*
Thank You Francetta! Elsa was talking to me about how much Jupiter I have in my chart, and I thought I should whip out the old Mascot. She’s such a cute little bugger.
Yes, but if you have Capricorn you will often reject what you really want out of fear – as you say, pre-empting in case you get rejected. So you can knock back someone that you actually really want. So rejection doesn’t always actually mean that. Cancerians will automatically reject if you come at them too directly, in my experience. And it may be exactly what they want.
We actually talked about this with my partner last weekend. He is, as some may remember, a multiple Aries (including Moon) with a full 8th house. Therefore, completely fearless when it comes to rejection, but also a deeper thinker most Arieses would be. I’m a Moon Capricorn and have a 12th house Saturn(inconjunct to Moon). I’m still working hard to overcome the fear of being rejected. Libra in chart has helped a lot -I may feel very hurt personally, but can usually see the other side too, and tend to win at least the respect of the people rejecting me for a reason or another. But yes, the Aries has, in this case, hard time to see where I’m coming from.
Just re-read my post and don’t think it’s very clear. What I meant was that some people may reject your approach, when actually they really want to get to know you. It’s the approach they are rejecting, in the case of the Cancerian because they are so uncomfortable with directness, not you. In the case of Capricorn, they can suffer so much fear of vulnerablity they will often reject what they actually want and then kick themselves afterwards. So sometimes it IS appopriate to ignore the rejection and try again another way. But then I have Saturn Neptune…!
When I feel rejected, I walk away. I’m not beating my head into that wall voluntarily!
Weirdest part is that I often get the rejection vibe, step back and out of the way of the person, and find out later it wasn’t rejection at all. It was all about my *perception*.
Of course, I have long seated abandonment issues anyway (thanks, Dad) which means it took me until just a couple of years ago to stop flinging myself in front of a bus that didn’t want to be anywhere near me. Life is easier now that I let them go. If they come back, it means something pretty damned special.
Saturn in Pisces 7th, trine Neptune in 4th, square Jupiter in 10th, and opposing Pluto/Uranus/Asc.
“I think in most cases rejection is not a rejection of the person but of the expectations this person has towards us, or the expectations we have towards them.”
Wow Conny I have never heard it put better.
Elsa, disagree. Scorpio is definitely most sensitive to rejection and will amputate you at the slightest whiff that you are rejecting them. They will do it first even if it kills them.
I’ve definitely seen that Moni especially with Scorpio-Capricorn combinations.
…but, to continue–and generalize–I think it’s the Capricorn/Saturn that’s sensitive and when there’s Scorpio, that’s how they deal with it. One part of a chart might show sensitivity and vulnerability; another part would show how it’s protected and defended. Scorpio-Capricorn blends are tough nuts.
Doreen I agree Capricorn is sensitive to it, and Scorpio takes care of business.
I have Capricorn, and the 2 relationships I’ve had in my life were with Cap Suns (I think I’m done now…)
My SO was Cap Sun/Saturn conjunct with Moon/Venus conjunct in Scorpio and he was sensitive to rejection. I’ve never actually met anyone who has experienced more rejection in my life.
He had interesting Gemini/Sag aspects, so he could always spin a good and funny tale, but I’d realize the magnitude of what he was telling me and it was unbearable sometimes.
I don’t see Pluto or Mars (Scorpio) as having anything to do with rejection. When you are blocked this is a Saturn function.
I have also seen Scorpio go exactly and precisely where they are not wanted iso intense energy.
I’ve got a lot of Cardinal (Aries and Cancer, for the most part, Pluto in Libra and Capricorn MC) and I take rejections VERY PERSONALLY. When I get rejected for a potential relationship, I tend to sink into sadness – “What’s wrong with me?” And then I start a whole slew of fault-finding within myself. In the job or in business, same thing…. I take it so personal. When I get hurt (and REALLY HURT) by this, I tend to crawl to my cave and mope around for days.
I’ve been rejected so many times than I’ve been accepted in my life though, so I almost… expect it.
Scorpio is definitely most sensitive to rejection and will amputate you at the slightest whiff that you are rejecting them. They will do it first even if it kills them.
Maybe they were trying to be polite.
max
[‘I have no wish to offend thee…’]
i agree very much it is a saturn function. re: scorpio, one of my ex-friends was a scorpio (8H sun) and she went where she wasn’t wanted constantly.
i’ve often wondered about this…whether or not is was the ‘taboo’ of going where one ‘shouldn’t’
scorpio has its own burden to carry (as do all signs) but saturn isn’t one of them.
(my previous comment was more of me meandering on the specific combo of the two)
Scorpio / Pluto has to have the upper hand. Whether they bind or banish depends on what they need to feel in control as well as other factors in the chart of course.
This kind of thing is what drives me crazy about dating: guys ignoring the no. I get that a lot.
re: #40 – “Scorpio… bind or banish”
Wow, so true. I’d never heard it put that way before, but that is exactly it. Bang on choice of words, Doreen.
“Others imagine rejection when it doesn’t exist ”
Story of a Cancerian’s life!
I get deeply, achingly saddened by rejection, and I remember it the rest of my life. I have memories from friends I wanted, lovers I wanted, family members I wanted to like me that might haunt me forever…it sucks! I blame it on Cancer Sun/Venus, Scorpio Mars/Saturn near the IC and even Aries moon/Leo Asc…fire sign egos also make rejection hard to swallow. People underrate the insecurity that can develop with fire signs and their need for glory. The fire in me also makes it a challenge, and sometimes I kill rejection with kindness. As I get older I have become stronger, but Saturn in Scorpio is an intense experience growing up!
“I have also seen Scorpio go exactly and precisely where they are not wanted iso intense energy.”
Very true-I’ve done that to myself. I also amputate at the slightest wiff of rejection. I also have to say this is a very Scorpio thing to do. I’ve done it for years before-even stayed with friends who I felt rejected by in terms of reciprocity. I tried to grow out of it, but really, I figure, that’s me and I can’t help it, and if amputating brings me peace, so be it. So now I do just let go more often.
“I have also seen Scorpio go exactly and precisely where they are not wanted iso intense energy.”
Very true-I’ve done that to myself.
I’ve done it for years before-even stayed with friends who I felt rejected by in terms of reciprocity. I tried to grow out of it, but really, I figure, that’s me and I can’t help it, and if amputating brings me peace, so be it. So now I do just let go more often.
I also amputate at the slightest wiff of rejection. I also have to say this is a very Scorpio thing to do.
often. i got so used to rejection i began to assume it was the way any “normal” person would react to me.
i also don’t sue into people’s subtle signals well. not big on social undercurrents. probably why i spent so much time consciously studying them.
i really have trouble with people who act nice who don’t like me. i mean, can’t you at least be direct about your feeling rather than pretending you like me?
*shrug* i really don’t expect women to make sense. too many are too conditioned to be nice rather than honest. i’d prefer honest any day. then at least i know i’m actually dealing with reality.
sue= cue
This is a huge issue for me the past few years (Perhaps because my progressed sun is Cap?)
I have always believed that openness and honesty would work with anyone and was the obvious choice in any situation. That’s been such a set up for pain. Sincerely trying to discuss my feelings with men got me a lot of rejection and nasty locker room gossip and back stabbing.
I also believed that if I could just say things right, people would understand and respond in kind. (venus in the 3rd) Finally, I’ve realized there are people who don’t want to understand; it’s not a value for them. (at least at that point in time)
Now, I know it’s so complex that only constant awareness, mindfulness and flexability can guide me through these waters. Everyone feels all these emotions good and difficult at various times and all I can do is keep asking for clarification and try to keep my motives clean.
As a Scorpio, you have to used to rejection because people so love to say cruel things about your sign. (projection happens). As for going where you’re not wanted, sometimes it’s necessary. It doesn’t mean you’re enjoying it or want to keep doing it.
One of the trials of being a Scorpio is other people constantly wanting to disempower you when they get their stuff lit up by who you are. All of us need some control in our lives or we’d be blown with the winds. I never try to control anyone else but expect the same respect back. As Max says, backing off when people don’t want you around is only polite. It doesn’t mean you’re not hurting.
I have Aries. If I really want the person, I take it as a challenge. I’m sensitive to rejection, but I never let it defeat me.
When I was much younger, I would deny rejection when I really fancied a young boy/man. It was a mix of denial of their rejection (to protect my feelings) and a surprise to my ego (it can’t be that they don’t like me.) I lost months infatuated, following an unrequited interest. I didn’t see it as a challenge (they’ll like me), just that I couldn’t compute their lack of interest due to the above reasons explained.
Puff. Waste of time. I put it down to neptune and pisces in my chart. The ego thing, my sun ruler and co-ruler in fire signs, my fifth house in aries. Also, my progressed sun in aries was just getting comfortable with that fire sign…
Then I slowly just paid more interest to those who liked me so I could find out if I like them back. Easier!
I think I have played out all scenarios that Elsa explains. To a slightly lesser extent I did the rejecting thing before I was rejected (I have uranus rising (12th house) so it took some external guidance and more self-awareness to notice that I was doing this.)
It is painful to be rejected. We’ve all been there. The most painful rejection and the first one is that of our parents (or a parent-figure), I think. Examples – when they discourage our natures, behaviours and creativity, or when they don’t pay enough attention to us and do the basic stuff only, or when they abuse us.
These days I don’t deny to myself when a rejection of some kind happens (this can happen at work or in social circles) I acknowledge it, lick my wounds (sometimes a few times) and tend to move on sooner or later. I get the message.
I am more sensitive to rejection from my partner at times. Sometimes it is an actual rejection (of something in me, or an action from my part) yet most times it is just a boundary that he is establishing, for space, time to think, time to just be, etc. Getting much better at making peace with that.
I had an epic case of rejection denial many years ago when I was 18 and oddly enough, I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit the last few years, even though it was, essentially, a lifetime ago.
I had developed a huge crush on a guy. We were introduced at a freshman class mixer. For that night and the next day, he seemed smitten as well – did not leave my side once we were introduced, for example; made googly-eyes across the room the next day. This was years ago and it was quite chaste, btw.
I happened to know that this fellow had ZERO experience dating.
48 hours after that magical meeting, I saw him in the library. I stopped to say hello – he looked startled and not in a good way – barely said hello and nearly ran the other direction. After that, he settled into a politely-cool, coolly-polite head nod when we met on campus (it was a small, private school.)
I knew he was not dating anyone else, so I chalked this all up to his lack of experience. “No, you liked me,” I thought. “You don’t mean this; you’re just shy.”
And, I don’t believe I was entirely wrong about that. But, I simply ignored the fact that from there on, he kept me at arms length. There wasn’t anything I could really do about it, but I continued to carry a torch and just NOT BELIEVE IT, the entire school year. (the next year I changed colleges.)
I’m a Sun in Pisces, 4 planets in Pisces, and, frankly, reality and me are often only casual acquaintances. OTOH, I also have Venus in Aries and *of course* you like me!
I don’t/didn’t do this any other time, that is, I might get crushes but no other time was I so resistant to seeing the rejection and I’ve never quite understood why. I mean, I’ve noted the astrological elements above, but don’t know why they were operating so intensely this time but not in other instances in my romantic life. Usually, I’ve picked up very, very quickly when I was being rejected.