Can You Willingly Age Out Of Your Pathology?

vintage zodiac bookAstrologers can see see things in charts that cause problems in a person’s life. I spoke with a client this morning who is concerned about various patterns of behavior in her past. She can point to the thing in her chart that would be the culprit and while she is not wrong, people evolve as they age and the way the express themselves changes.

This process may be deliberate, but often enough we simply outgrow things, whether they be people, beliefs, hobbies, or whatever.  During the consult, I compared this to hair, which grays over time. You don’t have to do anything to make your hair go gray. It’s natural.

It’s also natural for people to mature or to just experiment with new ways of directing their energy throughout the course of their life. As an example, I write now. I have written virtually every day for 15 years. I never wrote a word in my 20’s and 30’s. Clearly the way I express the Mars Mercury conjunction in my chart has changed.

Specific to pathology, this is something else people tend to age out of. I made a video about this in 2008 – Addiction, Internet Porn, Cocaine… One Of The Benefits Of Aging. It’s a mistake to look at something in your chart and consider yourself doomed, because it just doesn’t work that way.

In my 20’s, I snorted cocaine and had snot dripping from my nose. ::laughs:: What’s that got to do with today? It’s completely irrelevant. That was a million years ago, or may as well be.

Here’s a tip: Be willing to let go of ugly stuff in your life. Puke it up, examine it, make amends if appropriate and the let it go. You can start acting in a positive manner any day you choose. Once you do this, try to focus on that and let this other stuff drop off. Build on your success in the moment, rather than allowing your past to destroy your future.

Have you ever simply outgrown some negative behavior or bad habit? Tell us.

54 thoughts on “Can You Willingly Age Out Of Your Pathology?”

  1. Yes I have. I used to bite my nails as a kid and struggled to stop, which I did by the age of 11.

    I also drank to excess in my 20s after my first divorce. I now have a drink once a week on Saturdays when my husband and I go out to dinner.

  2. Scorpioandproud

    Elsa yesterday I was cleaning out a cabinet. I stumbled across my high school transcript. I sat on the floor and looked it over and it really made me sick. I thought about it all day.

    It was hard to look at it. I did poorly. (I did graduate) I sat there and thought how did this happen. Then in the next moment I knew how it happened. I had potential but not a foundation. No guidance at home. No one cared what I did really. No one told me that to get into a good school I needed to take and pass certain classes. I was allowed to run the streets with a much older guy and paid little attention to what was important.

    I sat there in sadness over the wasted time and potential. I went over it and over it. But there is really nothing I can do to change it and I have come so far from that place I don’t recognize that person really.

    I did end up going back to school after a messy drama filled life and I did get serious. But in the beginning it looked like it wouldn’t turn out well. I have no idea how I got to here from there. It wasn’t because my parents pushed me to succeed. They never gave it a thought.

    I fast forward to my own children and how I was right in it…at the school, a room mother, all over everything they did. Picking their high school classes so the same thing didn’t happen to them. In the end it did no good because they did what they were going to do anyway. And they have come out on the other side. Both very wise beyond their years and doing well.

    I looked the transcript over. Folded it up and put it back where I found it. It bothered me for a while yesterday. Then last night instead of being depressed about it I was shocked by the distance I have traveled. If you judged me by my effort as a teen or young 20 something you would think I would be living off the state.

    It’s completely irrelevant. That was a million years ago, or may as well be.

    That statement hits home for me. It speaks my truth. Thank goodness I didn’t give up. Thank goodness I didn’t let my past ruin my future.

  3. I think Saturn in Scorpio really put a spotlight on some of my fears, bad habits and mannerisms. Luckily, I feel “supported” by Saturn in Scorpio when tackling those fears, bad habits and mannerisms. Let’s see how much I can personally transform over the next two years…
    An astrological aspect is not set in stone, it depends on how a person wants to express it once it’s possible to figure out how it can be expressed differently.

  4. Build on your success in the moment, rather than allowing your past to destroy your future.

    Think I need to copy that out & tape it to my mirror.

    Thanks Elsa =)

  5. Yes I’ve given up a load of bad habits over the years.

    I took up smoking at 18 and stopped completely at 27 after a series of terrible chest infections. I took up drinking too much in my mid twenties and stopped when I got married: just had the occasional drink and never too much, for years. Then ten years later, back in the same old London scenarios, I started drinking too much again, damn! Didn’t really stop til about five years ago, even though it was only occasionally – but I’ve more or less stopped drinking now as I hardly go out.

    I’ve stopped trying to become part of other families, in an effort I guess to plug the gap of not having or getting along with my own.

    I’ve stopped letting my need for a great sexual relationship lead my into relationships which are not good for me emotionally.

    Since my accident in August, I’ve stopped overeating…

  6. Something we should all remember daily:

    “Here’s a tip: Be willing to let of ugly stuff in your life. Puke it up, examine it, make amends if appropriate and the let it go. You can start acting in a positive manner any day you choose. Once you do this, try to focus on that and let this other stuff drop off. Build on your success in the moment, rather than allowing your past to destroy your future.”

    I have definitely been there and expect to be there again periodically. I’m always working on my Saturn-Venus square. One step forward, two steps back is fine so long as I get there 🙂

  7. @blessed place,
    Hi. I identify with what you write almost everytime you comment. We must have similar charts and I think maybe i’m a little younger but we must have had similar lives regarding family and expatriate lives and struggled with similar issues. I would love to stop overeating, too…. What was it that made you stop? You say an accident, but what was it about the accident? was it a physical condition or did you have an emotional breakthrough to change this compulsion? I’d be grateful if you could point me in a direction that might work for me. Thanks.

  8. Elsa, This was great. Thank you.

    You hit a nerve with me this morning. I was hurt last year by love lost. But then, yesterday, I had something surface which hurt me deeply 20 years ago. It was one of the low points of my life. Looked up the guys name, and he was booked for assault against a woman in June. We are all educated in the middle class – not immune from crap. I breathed a sigh of relief. A guy friend of mine reminded me of God’s protection.

    Realized that whole thing with him 20 years ago, it was bad judgement on my part, very bad judgement and naivete, but it was really him and not me. Realized also why the ex from last year (we were together three years) was SOOOOO important – he healed all that. All of it. I need to be a big girl now, let the last year ex be, and put that 20 years ago period behind me. All this was going through my mind this morning and I found your post- word for word the right thing to say. I find it all pretty amazing. I even made notes on my note pad so I can reread it today. Did not realize how that period haunted me – and realize now how the ex from last year healed me. My heart feels better – I hope I learned the lesson. You said things would surface in one of your posts….

    Realized finally – the one who took it away, the one who gave it back. Deep gratitude to the one who helped me see things so differently, even though he had to go his own way eventually.

    “Focus on the positive stuff, let the ofther stuff drop off. Build on your success in the moment, rather than allowing the past to destroy your future”….

    Thank you. This was so appropriate. I send people in my network to your website all the time.

    All the best.

  9. Spot on for me. The fixes do change when the thrill is gone. Many times I feel compelled to do something I’ve done in the past but then I think, what for it’s just not the same. Or I am not the same.

    I’ve been considering and thinking alot about the menopausal change. I was hit with so much tragedy and caretaking responsibility in the new millenium that I really was not able to process my personal energy change. Women have told me through the years that they went on hormones after the change because their energy was low. For some reason I no longer wanted to run on the same energizer bunny energy. But yet I beat myself up some about not having that same energy any more. I find it interesting that I can achieve the same amount of work without all the buzz. What I am consciously working to drop is that I need to amp up all the time to function. And yes I have done a good share of puking through all this, if you haven’t noticed. Like the old tired phrase, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.

  10. Oh yes.
    @Notch this is an quote to write on my banner!” The fixes do change when the thrill is gone. Many times I feel compelled to do something I’ve done in the past but then I think, what for it’s just not the same. Or I am not the same…”

    Naturally aging and changing beginning with menopause was the crossroads that has changed my life, again and again. My Mom passed and I began menopause. I couldn’t keep up the give-till you bleed approach, and grief, but it would be years and many miles before I could let go of an old habit.

    I am mostly gray (and that Richard Gere photo is perfect for this post, Elsa) and I’m mostly let go of the BEFORE me, and tend mostly, to the real old gal. Now, I build nests literally and spend time with birds who teach me the small and the grand lessons: shelter, eat, raise a family, sing!

  11. Absolutely! And just gave up smoking…for good!
    I used to imbibe a lot when younger at parties but have really tapered off and am much less shy than I used to be in social situations. Though I still prefer to stay in the background,I am able to engage much more comfortably now.

    BTW, I love Richard Gere with his silver hair.

  12. I like this easeful perspective on change, and the comments. Yes, it’s a gift of getting older. Looking back and seeing the distance I’ve come. And thinking, well, if I can get from there to here, by extension I can travel to all sorts of other new ways of being me in the future. Feels spacious, like being fundamentally supported by time.

  13. I loved the video Elsa, ‘it’s different if you’re 21 holding your dick’… haha! Classic! *snorts*

    I’ve out grown some my major being the need to be constantly outspoken. Sometimes people don’t need to hear what I really think all the time. Another being people, the same people who were great when I was 21 are not those same people I wished to hang out with turning 24 then and even becoming 26 now I still wouldn’t want to. I want to keep growing and dropping things that no longer serve my purpose. It was great being a weed addict but not great just drifting along feeling like a bum. Doing and taking part in the illegal felt good but no longer, it just doesn’t suit me any more. If I kept doing the same nonsense then I would have just sat in the same cycle. If there’s the same problem time and time again then I need to change somethings. It’s me and my responsibility.

  14. “Have you ever simply outgrown some negative behavior or bad habit?”

    Um, maybe one of the ones you mentioned above. 🙂

    Great post and advice. Intellectually I know what you are saying is true. Emotionally I’m not there yet.

    Thanks for the photo of Richard Gere, my favorite Virgo! In addition to the silver hair, he also aged out of his pathology. He used to be a womanizer, but he finally settled down and now devotes himself to Buddhism.

  15. Stella 56 can you pm me on the boards, I’m going to bed now and might not remember to answer your question in the morning 🙂
    Also I don’t want to hijack the thread

  16. @Blessed place
    Hi, what does it mean to pm you on the boards? I am new to writing on the site, so I don’t know all the terms… I don’t want to hijack the thread either, I just thought it was interesting that you had said you had stopped overeating after your accident…. I love food and I am not overly obese by US standards, yet I have been bothered for years about my increasing laxity about compulsive eating. I don’t know whether to see overeating (not every day, yet) as something to enjoy and not worry about, or get seriously concerned about. This is probably due to my chart as much as learned behavior…. good night to you across the ocean.

  17. Yep. I was a certifiable pothead from the age of 14 through, what, 31? We had a major drug bust in 1998 and the town went dry. I thought, why not just stop looking for it? Why not see what life would be like without this fog I depended on when I wasn’t at work? Never looked back. I can’t believe it’s been 14 years; it was SO damned important to me back then.

  18. I’ve definitely outgrown some negative behaviors/bad habits and hope to do more while Saturn’s in Scorpio. I’m on the verge and I like it. 🙂

  19. I cannot beeeeeeelieve some of the stuff I used to get up to. Some I just got bored of (smoking). Some I almost fell into…but did not (phew). An old dealer warned me against crystal meth. ‘Whatever you do, no matter how drunk and curious you are, you never touch that or you’ll be sorry…’ I’m glad I listened.

  20. i suspect Saturn in Scorpio in mutual reception with Cap in Pluto will bring about realistic and responsible neptunian attitudes – which will result in the legalization of pot in CO (Amend 64) which will be the catalyst for the rest of the nation when they see our windfall (to schools etc) and reduced costs (cops, courts and incarciration). This will force the feds to reconsider the civil liberties and encroachment of states rights pertaining to the war on drugs. I think our nation is ready to admit that making drugs illegal does not prevent its widespread usage. Enough of this Nixonian ridiculousness. So far as people being scared of Saturn Scorpio transit — last time around Pluto was in Scorpio too which fueled the AIDS and Coke/Crack epidemics. This time around we’ll probably see the structures that are in place to protect us (FDA and EPA namely) aren’t really doing a great job and that our food supply and medicines are at huge risk (look at the FDA recall list — you’ll never eat certain foods again). We have choices every day to move forward and improve upon our behavior or to stay stuck, make the same mistakes over and over – yet expect different results. With age, you recognize that these lessons get harder and harder so you become more willing to do things differently. And some get this easier than others.

  21. Avatar

    ”In my 20′s, I snorted cocaine and had snot dripping from my nose (laughs)..”

    I laughed my ass of when i read that!! 😀

    Thanx for sharing again, this thread really has helped me open up on this topic. I have had many addictions, been a little to wild..& i desperately need to purge it up already!!

    I imagine heading into my 30’s will make this easier. If i am going to have kids one day..then i got to change. & when i look my kids in the eye one day, i hope to think to myself..
    ” F#$% i was silly when i was younger!!”

    Although when i was 15 years old…i hoped to be saying that now whilst in my 20’s..not my 30’s!!!

    😮 !

  22. Today I realised I was no longer in love, or as I mentally phrased it ‘out of love’ with the man I’d considered the love of my life. It had ended ages ago but today for no reason what so ever I suddenly knew that even if he turned up and wanted back in I wouldn’t take him, I was literally out of love with him. It felt incredible, wonderful and joyful, I’m free. My Venus is at 9 Scorpio but I think I’m already feeling Saturn’s influence on it.

  23. I have tried more than half my life to heal my pathologies consciously but they are too deep inside for me to reach. My last resort right now is lucid dreaming and hypnosis: 12th house moon.

  24. I used to be a lot more negative, not necessarily presented to the outer world, although with close friends I would complain and re-hash stuff over and over. My private mind was still negative even if my public persona wasn’t necessarily. I’ve really been working on it since 2010 and I think I’ve made a lot of strides but it’s very easy to slip back into that mode.
    I luckily was never a drinker or cigg. smoker, did smoke MJ more but never all the time. Realized early on it made me non-productive and I didn’t want to get in that rut.
    Another main thing I’ve worked on and changed is that I used to feel like I had to keep in touch or stay friends with everyone, I was the glue that held friendships and groups of friends together. I finally started letting people go, and not expending the energy to try to keep them in my life. If they left they left, maybe their “season” or reason in my life had past. Just because you were best friends in high school or college or a job doesn’t mean you have to be forever. It’s harder with some people than others. Circling back to the original blog post, I do think a lot of it has just been aging into late 30s early 40s, consolidating energy and not wasting it so much on the wrong things.

  25. Avatar
    the laughing goat

    I have dubbed myself a professional quitter: stopped smoking pot at 15, (sounds terrible!) stopped drinking at 30, stopped smoking at 41, stopped letting people sh*t on me at 45 and still in progress… and the last one is the hardest one!!

    Thanks for this post Elsa – love and appreciate your honesty and wisdom!

  26. Yes, I think, holding grudges is one of them. I can’t explain exactly what is changed. It’s like I started to view people in a more of a 3D manner. I used to get so wound up when I perceived myself to be “attacked” but later on. What changed? I’m scratching my head. I think at a certain point ideas I had about people were proven incorrect and I became less sure of my reality in general. Also, I heard other people have what I would consider an immature perspective. After this happened a few times I started to look at people more as flawed creatures that do a lot of stuff unintentionally.

  27. Sometimes,no matter how hard you work to overcome your past, and I mean HARD, it doesn’t always happen. Not everyone is lucky enough to find the right approach, treatment, etc at a young age, or at all. Lack of good fortune isn’t a character weakness.

  28. It’s irrelevant if you cannot change. Many hold on to their shortcomings like a baby blanket.

    I too have come a million miles from where I was 20 years ago. I used to think that I would want several degrees and a fancy-ass title. Now I see freedom in a healthy bank balance and living within my means.

    I used to think that I needed to find great love. Nay, love is a strange creature; it requires hard work, persistence, respect and the magical ingredient for me (with Saturn) time. I needed to be old enough to appreciate what I have.

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