Dear Elsa,
I came out as a lesbian at age 49 and left my husband and son. I have had two unfulfilling lesbian relationships and currently live far from my son. I’m depressed and thinking I’ve made a mistake in living so far from my son.
Do you think I need to get out of the relationship I’m in and move closer to him and try to find someone there?
Lesbian Faltering
United States
Dear Faltering,
Moving closer to your son and getting out of a relationship you are unhappy in are two different issues, so I’ll take them one at a time.
First, I have very strong feelings about how people with adult children should conduct themselves so I just want to say upfront that I have a tremendous bias on this. Are you familiar with Capricorn, Kahlil Gibran?
In his poem, “On Children” he writes:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you…”
I agree with him. I don’t think parents should make their children beholden to them in any way. And men and women in their twenties and early thirties, which is the age your son must be, rarely want much to do with their parents. They want to know you’re there, sure. But they’re very busy trying to establish themselves as adults in their own right and I think it’s very unfair when parents burden them with their needs at this juncture.
So based on this, I would not recommend you move closer to your son unless you can have some boundaries about you and understand he is probably not going to want to spend very much time with you. And this is not personal, it just is. It’s life and it works out. Because leaving him to live free allows you the same right. And it seems to me that to PROGRESS, you have to continue on your own path independently.
So this brings the focus to your personal life. And you did not elaborate as to why these first relationships have not been fulfilling, but you did say you were depressed… so I would recommend you address this first.
What do you mean, “depressed”? Are you clinically depressed as in you need medication? Or do you think your depression related to your situation… being in a relationship that does not satisfy? Either way, you are going to have to address it and this is what I think you should do. How?
Well, like me you’re a Capricorn rising, so it’s slowly, methodically and one step at a time. Solve the depression question and then take the next step as it presents itself, and it will. Beyond that, just know you can do it. It’s never too late to have a happy life and as a Capricorn, if you set this (a happy life) as your goal you are very likely to attain it.
Good luck.
I actually disagree with you, Elsa. I think that what this woman is saying is that she moved very far away from her son and just wants to move a bit closer. Which I think is okay. A mom doesn’t have to be completely out of the lives of her children because that makes most people unhappy. And her son does need her probably, or at least to know that she is close. And she left quickly, and the son is probably living with his father. It’s hard when a mother leaves so suddenly. So I think he very much might need to know that his mother is back, not to mention to probably reconcile with her if she did it suddenly or selfishly or if there was a rupture. There’s a way of not breathing down your children’s neck but calling every once in a while or living a drive away so that when they are upset, lonely, or unhappy, they know they can call you. Because even 20 and 30 year olds, even reserved people who frequently bottle their emotions up as growing boys frequently do, need a mother or someone close to be around.
She’ll probably have to curb her Cancer Moon a little bit so as not to get too much in her son’s face, but with a Cancer Moon her happiness probably depends a lot more on knowing her family is there and for there to be harmony and security in her family situation. Even to be on good terms with her husband so that she can get to her son. And she’s owed her happiness.
I agree with Elsa:
With her Sun (and maybe other personal planets as well) in Aquarius it wouldn’t surprise me if Lesbian Faltering is suffering from a Neptune transit. My advice is to never make life altering decisions while under the influence of Neptune – there’s a tendency to wake up afterwards and think “Oh my god, what have I done?”
Hallmark signs of a Neptune transit include depression, nostalgia, feeling lost at sea, forgetfulness, low self-esteem and time slipping through your fingers. Oh yes, and poor judgement.
So wait out the transit, typically a year – but check with an astrologer to know for sure. In the mean time, take care the depression doesn’t get the upper hand and be careful with alcohol or other addictive drugs, you may be particularly sensitive to them during this time.
Ok, now I agree with you 🙂