Dear Elsa,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. But once again, I have reached a point where I have lost interest and have no hope for a future with him. I’ve always envisioned the man for me as someone who can do for me what I cannot do for myself. Having lost my parents at seventeen, I have always been fiercely independent. I yearn for a man that can teach me things that I don’t already know, as well as make me feel like a woman.
I want a man that I can admire and respect. Always having to ask for support is turning me away. I fear that my dissatisfaction will have me alone but I cannot say that I am happy in this relationship. There are so many things that I want to see and do in my life, and he lacks the ambition.
This can’t be love. Please advise.
Woman in Doubt
Dear Woman,
No, I don’t think it’s love. If you have to ask…then it’s not love. Not that there is anything wrong with him. He’s just not the man for you.
So who is? What is it you’re looking for? Well, with Venus in Capricorn, in exact aspect to Saturn in the seventh house, there is always going to be “parent/child” thing in your relationships. Does this mean you’re looking for a daddy? Well, yeah.
And there is nothing wrong with that. Because you are very parental yourself. And if you do not get someone else with this sort of ability, well it’s a foregone conclusion that you are going to find yourself exactly where you are at the moment. Providing for a man who can do nothing for you, AKA you are the Mommy, and he is the child.
Get it?
Here’s my advice: get your mind around the idea there will always be a parent/child aspect in your relationships. Because there will. And then look for someone who can work both sides of that aspect. Someone who can be a good parent to you… and by that I do not mean authority. What I mean is that, you are a guide. And you want someone to guide you. You support people and you want someone to support you.
And don’t worry about becoming dependent, because that will never happen. The two of you can slide back and forth in these positions, caring for each other. Nurturing each other. You will never be a “little girl” for more than an hour or two a day, if you’re lucky. You lost that chance when your parents died, didn’t you? You did, and I’m sorry.
But by all means, please go get yourself a full-grown man. Personally, I would look for someone older. Five to ten years… because you’re way grown up, aren’t you? I think so. I imagine the man who has what you need is going to have experience and maturity beyond your own… and extra years on the planet affords this.
Good luck.
If you have Saturn in the 7th or Venus in Capricorn, check out the transcript to my workshop – Finding Your True Love And Soulmate. It will help you!
Sounds familiar…sometimes it’s enough to read here that I’m not the only one with a particular problem, let alone get great advice.
I have Capricorn in my 7th house and in cookbook astrology, I’ve always read this means that I will end up marrying someone older. My real father left my life forever when I was 7 and my stepfather was abusive. Hence, I was always deeply disturbed by the
thought of looking for a father figure. But your
answer to today’s question made me finally understand.
On a weird related note, I seem to attract a lot of friends who have
lost at least one parent before the age of 30. A lot of the men lost
their fathers as children and, by the age of 30 two of my female friends
lost both parents. I never thought twice about this until my best friend pointed it out. I always thought it was natural to be orphaned in one way or another.
I mention all this only bc when you wrote about how
today’s reader was good at parenting, I understood a bit more about my
Cancer ascendant and my own father issues. I got to thinking about how I attract all these orphaned people. I also think it’s related to my Venus in the 12th, Neptune in the 5th and Moon in Pisces. I guess I’m very maternal–and I was never aware of it. So, thanks!!! Your column clarified a lot of things for me.
Good stuff!
This is familiar to me too. Always good to hear a constructive perspective like this.
Being a strong, independent woman myself, I always thought I wanted a man who would never impinge upon my freedom, who would just leave me alone to do my own thing and welcome me home at night. I wanted a puppy, not a man! But, after years of dating nothing BUT “puppies”, I got sick of it. “Why couldn’t they be as strong as me?” I always wondered to myself.
Then I met my current fiance. We’ve gone through a lot of the same issues growing up, and have very similar outlooks on life. Not to mention the fact that he’s the only man I know that has balls as big as mine! And, truly, that is what I needed.
So, I guess I’m saying, Elsa’a right! (As if there was any doubt!) You need a man as strong as you, that can support you when you need it. And when you find him, you won’t need to ask anyone else if it’s love. You’ll know.
I hope you find it! Good luck!