Disintegrated Personality

disintegrationI’m attempting to recover from the major transits through my 12th house. I mainly have to recover my (disintegrated) personality.

That’s a psych term that I co-opting for my own use. I’m stating, I don’t care what the academic definition of that term is.

I mean no disrespect to people who are studied and understand the accepted definition of “disintegrated personality”. I just want to think my own thoughts. Right now I am thinking about addiction, which ultimately kills a person, but not before it dissolves their personality!

This post continues the train of thought I presented in my video series on Jupiter conjunct Neptune in Pisces. If you missed it, you might want to go back…

Jupiter Conjunct Neptune In Pisces: The Good, Bad & The Ugly

The 12th house dissolves…whatever. Various things.

I see things I’ve lost or rather, things that I have sacrificed during this transit. I’m going to try to recover them. Hopefully, you’ll witness my restoration and/or rise from the ashes. We’ll see!

With my personality, disintegrated, I let go of my ability to find obscure sources of information and I don’t know what. Unusual Ideas?  Things oddballs say or think or wonder?

We’re supposed to conform right now and create content that pleases search.  But I want to get back to my own people! Being a weirdo myself, like finds like! And that’s how content like this wound up on this site:

Sin Eaters

I have a natural interest in psychology and psychopathy. Credit my 8th house or blame my childhood. I don’t see that it matters at this point.

I mention this because if you search psychopaths or violence on this blog, you’ll find more of what I’m referencing here.

I’m currently getting back on the ball. I have a hot new source of material which behaves like a seed place in fertile soil aka “me”. This is also an 8th house thing.  It’s about other people’s energy. And creativity for that matter. One drop of anything can multiply, endlessly.

How many people can a single seed feed, over time? It’s amazing.  So my intention at this point is to share my fruit.

Do you feel your personality is intact at this time?

16 thoughts on “Disintegrated Personality”

  1. The 12 th house is a threshold to rebirth thru the 4 th house. Its like a womb that germinates seed that grows from the Earth up and yields a rebirth of soul.

    1. That makes sense for me, at least, my Sun being in the 12th along with Mars/Neptune and my 4th is Pisces but empty. I am trying to rebirth myself Spiritually!

  2. Hi Elsa, a strong intent – you always had, with your site you always shared many many fruits and your job in astrology ,- is not it ALL have been – sharing alot of fruits? Do you mind to clarify? Is there a deeper layer you would like to share or in different ways? I am curious.

    I am noticing it is a strong tendecy in the world right now – to share. The red thread is – many people are really wanting to do something and in a lot of cases the do not know what to do and what do they have to offer. Also quite often people sharing in the wrong direction like for example: they are going to do volunteer work but they do not want to know that organisation they are going to ‘help’ is completely rotten, absolutely commercialized but they do not care. What you hear from this volunteers how ‘good’ people they are because they mention their ‘good job’ all the time and expect people to have a very very very positive respons.

    ‘Do you feel your personality is in tact at this time?’ To answer your question sincerely…I know you want sicerely to know, btw. it’s a good time and place to tell you that your sincerity – is a traite of yours i admire in you. Soooo, to reach totality of myself, where personality is also a main part of totality – i am positively on the right path, it’s how i feel, it’s what i was fighting for – to be happy in my own environment. But there is one big ‘BUT’ – i do not feel in accordance with the world, i can not share my fruit bacause the world and many people are intoxicated with problems, no peace and many many, much too many different opnions, – i am not in the mood to bump around among those. I hope i make a little bit of sense. For me is not the right time yet to go out there. What do you want share? Because it is all you are doing all the time, is not it?
    And thank you for everything you have always shared. And a very happy happy Spring Equinox to you!

    1. Thanks, Lalilu! I am grabbing this: “i can not share my fruit bacause the world and many people are intoxicated with problems, no peace and many many, much too many different opnions, – i am not in the mood to bump around among those. I hope i make a little bit of sense.”

      I think it will merge well with something I have underway, incubating.

      As for doing what I have always done, yes! But I have been greatly hindered if not flat out disabled with Saturn and of course, Pluto, transiting my 12th house. It’s as if I’ve gone missing, you could say. But really I think the explanation is contained in this posts and the Jupiter Neptune videos.

      It’s a pretty big sea out there!

      1. Thank you for your reply, Elsa.I dig what you are saying ‘incubating’. It’s an interesting process. We shall see and yes, well said “It’s a pretty big sea out there!.”

  3. Trauma causes fragmentation, of the body and soul. And trauma leads to addiction in many cases. The addiction of course widens that split between us and our true selves.

  4. Well said CP, it is a journey, a day at a time to reconnect. I’m one of the lucky ones without the typical addictions that would cause further separation resulting in healing of body and Soul.

  5. Such great comments here! So well expressed! I want to share being a 12th House Sun & NN in Scorpio, I have disintegrated over and over many times. Being ruled by Pluto, I regenerate easily. What Don said above strikes home to me. It’s as if phases of my life are Seasons and each Season at first disintegrates, then starts to regenerate, bears a seed and generates fruit in my Fourth House. What fruit I share depends on the circumstances of my life at the time.
    Right now I am sharing this. I just retired so a new me needs to find a new way of being at home but also recognizing society will see me differently. And we are moving 480 miles away from what I have known so my personality will have to disintegrate and adapt again soon.

    Elsa, I remember you struggling with your spine before surgery and sharing the pain you have had but also the surgery and it’s success! Is this a part of the disintegrating process you are talking about for you? Because going from seeing yourself one way, then seeing yourself another after years of suffering, could be disorienting.

    1. Well, I mentioned apathy on the video, which I believe is due to suppressing my emotion over a long period of time. for reasons that are beyond anyone’s imagination – I’m pretty sure this is the case! Eventually this led to disintegration. I would generally live and speak and feel, freely.

      So, these planets have left my 12th house. Further, I will be dead before my 12th house ever sees another significant transit. So yeah, I think I can pull together, that which came apart in the “big sea” that is the 12th house; which I’ve see the floor of at this point, or close enough.

      Re: “big sea”, I used that phrase in a comment on one of these series of posts. Not sure where, but it really is an abyss. You meet creatures of all kinds! But now I am in life. I need to establish myself.

  6. Elsa, we mark time by what marks us; for example your surgery which straightened your spine. Before surgery or after. You used to be a smoker or whatever label you called yourself but no longer fits the label. When I was care taking for mom with alzheimer’s I disintegrated…when I referred to myself to someone about pre care taking I said when I USED to ve someone. He said who are you now? I was SPEECHLESS. You are in a liminal space betwixt n between. They say miracles can happen in the chaos.

    1. Boy, I can relate to this. I got to the point where I no longer existed and stayed that way for a good long time. It doesn’t suit me at all. Now I am existing again. I hope it stays this way. Astrologically, the answer is thumbs up! But I don’t know this for sure. I mean someone dies or goes down in some other way; I can see being knocked off my feet, maybe permanently. But right now, I feel quite solid. Concerned, but also solid.

      Back on the caregiving, people have no earthly idea how hard that is until they’re living it themselves. In the past, many avoided this. In the future, I don’t think many will. I mean, unless they want to leave a loved one to suffer and die alone.

  7. I have both Mercury n Venus conjunct in Capricorn 12th house. There’s the duty and the sacrifice. Luckily it all passes but now after consulting with you I know it will take awhile for the dust to settle. But I will be talking to you soon!

  8. I had Pluto conjunct my natal Saturn, then spent years in Sag in my 12th before it crossed my ascendant and spent 14 years going back and forth thru Cap in my 1st house. Now on into Aquarius in the 2nd?! Where it will interact with my Mars conjunct Chiron. Easy Peasy. 😳
    Oh, and did I mention death? 10 family (mother, father, husband) friends, and mentors in 6 years. Or all my things wiped out in a storage unit theft?
    (True story)
    Bring in the Sun!

  9. Yes I’m in apathy Have been for the last 2 yrs
    It’s uncomfortable I feel useless
    I’ve always been busy surrounded by family & friends
    Now no one in person Just folk online to chat to.
    My old self has gone Is there a new one on the horizon I sure hope so 80 next year & in good health I just need the new to enter
    Mars in Aries in the 12th house. Where’s my Mogo gone ?

  10. 2 Aquarius ascendant here…Pluto has been ploughing thru my 12th house since the day my Munchausen by proxy mother died in 2009. I’d been told she’d want to take my body and sure enough, I caught swine flu coming home on the plane from the funeral. Never been so sick. Since then, many people I knew have died. I’m not the person I was when he entered the 12th but that’s evolution. Pluto squared my Sun somewhere along the way and presently have covid but doing ok and not minding the isolation. I’ll be 80 next April 14th I don’t complain, but it will be nice to come out into the light and be a sunny person again. It’s like
    living down in the underworld with Father Time!

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