Dear Elsa,
Back in April I started a “friend with benefits” relationship with a Cancer/Cancer-rising man who is 11 years younger than myself… and also my friend’s son.
I had never thought of him as anything but my friend’s son until one night he called and came over and long story short, we became intimate. He told me that he had been attracted to me for a long time. What started out as a friends with benefits situation has spiraled out of control to where I think I have serious feelings for him. But I am torn, because I have always loved him as a member of my extended family, but now it is very confusing because of the sex.
Now I am also torn wondering if I am IN love with him, or do I just love him? He is very tug/pull…ie…we see each other about once a week but he never seems to initiate (since the first time). But my spidey senses tell me he has feelings for me. Why doesn’t he act on them? Is it the age difference? I am pretty successful, he is just starting out in life with an entry level job, has no money and lives at home. Or is he just not into me and I should let go? Because I can’t seem to.
Thanks,
His Mother’s Friend
Dear Friend,
I hate to do this to Pisces but to answer your question, I will have to hit you with a dose of reality. So brace yourself, would you?
First thing to know is this man is acting on his feelings. He’s a double Cancer, attracted to an older woman (mother figure) and he’s having sex with her. Undoubtedly his Scorpio Moon is drawn to the taboo whether he is conscious of this or not.
Do you get my drift? He’s being a bad boy. He’s having sex with Mommy’s friend.
If you want to go deeper, I imagine subconsciously what he really wants to do is have sex with Mommy and you are merely a surrogate.
If you want a future with this man, you can probably have one. You can be his new Mom! The one that lets him sleep with her? How about that? He can move from his Mom’s house to his new Mom’s house, and you can support him the way she supports him and voila! Perfectly sick!!
As for why he’s not asking you to marry him, I imagine he’s concerned what his mother might think about this since he hasn’t separated from her yet. What do you think? How do you think your friend is going to feel when she finds out you’re sleeping with her son?
Personally, I doubt she’s going to be too happy. That’s her son, damnit! And considering he’s 25-ish and still living at home, I don’t think she’s very interested in giving up custody.
You have a Capricorn Moon and you are looking for a child. For the record, I don’t see a problem with this. Cancer and Capricorn find each other allll the time and a parent / child thing constellates. It’s perfectly normal but this is not a random “younger man” is it? You say yourself he is part of your family and what bothers me the most is you seem to be oblivious to… virtually everything. For anything to move forward in any direction, this has got to be remedied and I hope this post takes care of that.
As for my advice, I would stop sleeping with this man immediately and try to forget it ever happened. Because you have Venus in Pisces which is notorious for having lapses of judgment and this would be a textbook example of that.
Good luck.
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that makes so much sense that Capricorn moons are looking for a “baby” man so to speak. My mother is a Capricorn moon and sheeesh….I think my father can be like a child in so many ways. Never never land, Peter pan, but more responsible. I’ve always thought too that my last ex, who has a Pisces mother, same situation…the guy was 35 years younger than her and met him his first time in a bar (he just turned 21) lol When she told my ex that she was dating some guy younger than my ex, he nearly wailed miserably but we all took to it well, it was an “adjustment”…and we were all very adaptable.
Damn. This is some sick shh. I hope she stopped sleeping with the guy.
Any “friend” who tried this with my son would get my full fury, including “totally unethical stopping short of illegal”.
I wouldn’t be too happy with him either, but he’s not disposable.
Also makes me wonder how much this woman truly likes her friend. Because screwing her obviously confused son isn’t very friendly. PUKE.
that’s the only thing I didn’t like with her going behind her friend’s back. she knew it was bad (taboo) so of course she went behind the back. The son though has a penchant for taboos (Scorpio moon like what said above) maybe the woman married the son of the friend’s? although I don’t associate taboos with bad things all the time. I find a lot of scorpios /scorpio placements very very moral. But I have read articles written by scorpio sun individuals that say scorpio has no notion of morals when it comes to wanting what you want. this maybe the case with the double cancer with scorpio moon boy.
The son though has a penchant for taboos (Scorpio moon like what said above) maybe the woman married the son of the friend’s? although I don’t associate taboos with bad things all the time.
I don’t see what the taboo is, exactly. He’s 25. She’s 36. Obviously, she’s older than he is, and a lot of people get bent when the woman is older than a man, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. At any rate, at 25 he’s going to be having sex, presumably with women, who (presumably) have mothers too. I mean, you could go after it because it’s ‘friends with benefits’, but in this age of Tinder and Grindr and whatnot, I’m baffled why this would be unusual.
I find a lot of scorpios /scorpio placements very very moral.
I think we’re cranky about what rules we back.
But I have read articles written by scorpio sun individuals that say scorpio has no notion of morals when it comes to wanting what you want.
Nah. There are people of every sign like that.
this maybe the case with the double cancer with scorpio moon boy.
Maybe she was an attractive woman he wanted to have sex with.
that’s the only thing I didn’t like with her going behind her friend’s back.
Every son has a mother, and more over, people (male and female) tend to marry people like their parents. And he’s 25 and I can’t imagine feeling (at 25) obliged to inform my mother of what I was doing in my sex life. (If the guy was 12, which Elsa’s kid was around this point, I can totally see freaking out. But he was 25.)
Now I can see a Cancer sun being mommy-centric, but they’re like that with everybody they date. Likewise, what about the Mothers that try to matchmake for their sons (‘there’s this nice girl you should meet’). Presumably the woman involved is a friend of the mother’s.
The relationship might be entirely messed up, but I don’t get what the taboo is supposed to be here: the woman here is at least 10, maybe 15-20 years, younger than the mother.
max
[‘What’s the taboo?’]
I think it’s the fact that it’s his moms friend that makes it taboo.
I’m not saying that I judge it. I don’t care what other people do with their lives. A taboo is agreed upon by society. Just to clarify:) I think it’s fine, personally. I just wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.
Libra noir: I’m not saying that I judge it. I don’t care what other people do with their lives. A taboo is agreed upon by society. Just to clarify:) I think it’s fine, personally. I just wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.
You’re a 50-year old women. You’re single but you know this nice old lady. Well, one day you go over to her house and meet her nice Cancer sun er, son, who is caring for his disabled elderly mom. You guys hit off, and later he comes over and you guys do it, on a friends-with-benefits.
You are her friend, you’re dinking the son, and what taboo is being violated? (And if it’s a taboo, it seems like dumb taboo.) And why would it be any of mom’s business? (Seriously, if this guy was asking his mom for approval of the women in his sex life, everyone would think he was complete pussy.)
If, on the other hand, he was 12, I could totally see being upset, but it wouldn’t be because the lady in question was the mother’s friend.
max
[‘I think this is like the time I admitted buying tampons at the grocery store for my girlfriend.’]
Well ya it’s a dumb taboo, but it is a social taboo. I don’t agree that it should be taboo, but it’s frowned upon in our society and that’s what a taboo is. ( just look at the comments here).
Its the fact they’re going behind the mother’s back- the friend keeping it from her friend after she said she considers them as extended family. And the fact the the 25 years old isn’t really all that grown if he’s still living with mommie. You’re right that outside these circumstances it would be totally fine.
I mean if my kid were still under my roof and going out having sex with my friend, and they were both hiding it from me, I’d consider that a betrayal and I’d be very upset.
lsirena: I mean if my kid were still under my roof and going out having sex with my friend, and they were both hiding it from me, I’d consider that a betrayal and I’d be very upset.
I’m trying to be mean here, but calling it a betrayal implies that its as if the son were (ahem) cheating on you.
You see the problem here?
max
[‘Kinda like those dad’s attending dances with their daughters to promote virginity.’]
Running out of space will reply below
lol@max. that was really funny because the irony of the truth of it, what you said: “betrayal implies that its if the son were cheating on you.” this is too much son/mother Oedipus. lol
Yeah, it’s a betrayal and I agree with kumquat below. I don’t feel like arguing, just read her comment- pretty much sums up how I feel:)
like libra noir said, she’s supposed to be a friend, so why keep it secret? that’s the taboo I guess. well what’s said is he can be his new mom. it’s the perfect solution. 😀
That’s not what I said. I said the fact that it’s the moms friend that makes it taboo. I’m not judging it. Only suggesting that it is in fact considered taboo in our culture.
yeah that’s what I mean too. that I read above, that you wrote, that you think it’s the mom’s friend that is taboo.
people break taboos all the time, but the fear is keeping it secret. If you fear, you will keep it secret. just like the old stories of Romeo and Juliet, and west side story, marrying into another culture, or enemy, it’s taboo. but if you love deeply who cares about taboo? you run away together.
I feel sorry for that mans future wife.
I’m laughing at all the confusion this caused in the previous comments:) She has a friend. Her friend has a son who she’s getting down with. Just eek, ew. Too complicated.
I worked with a Taurus who has Libra moon in 8th and Gemini sac. She was in her 50s and my Leo cancer moon friend Gracie and I were invited to a little get together at the place she was sharing with her best friend’s son, who had the same birthday as Gracie and his asc is Pisces hers Virgo. My coworker Nicki was HIS mother’s friend since gradeschool and had been the one who delivered him when she was a very quick 2nd birth! And these 2 Leos fell in love. She just got her MD. He never finished highschool. She was super supportive of him and he got a g.e.d. and started to get contracting jobs and stopped any drug use and then she was over my house at 3 am. He had gotten drunk in the attempt to get the truth out-Gracie was now friends with the woman who he lived with. Aunt Nicki. The freak had been sharing a house with his mother and himself and older brother, now a minister….they are a year apart. She stayed with Gracie s Leo while the mother and brother were camping. He was turning fourteen the weekend of the trip. And aunt Nicki had a gift for him…. She got him drunk and then she ….screwed him. Gracie had been talking about him moving in with her and Nicki had a FREAK out and 15 years later threatened to tell on HIM first. I can feel my shoulders ache the way that I was that next day when I dislocated myself angrily and quickly helping to move his stuff from the house and into my truck. I am on the bitch’s list for helping to get Tim married and she’s screwed with my Gemini guy’s head on numerous occasions and I can’t even stand seeing her. That’s really sick. That’s a child. I have no idea why people are so fucked up in the head.
Freud was right…
If this lady thought it was kosher she wouldn’t be asking about it.
If she and the mom are friends, to the point where they attend family gatherings, then there is a level of intimacy there. They know each other’s romantic story, maybe they’ve talked about sex.
Add a person’s kid to that and Mom doesn’t need to be that close to her son’s sex life. He comes in late, or the next day- from spending time with the lady who you giggled with about the threesome she had that time she was drunk.
It’s not a question of betrayal as in sexual infidelity, it’s betrayal of the normal and healthy boundary between adult family members living together- nobody needs to make their sexual activity obvious and explicit to others- it’s private. It’s literally too much information.
So to sort of say- I don’t care about my friend’s feelings, I just wanna f**k her kid, he’s an adult- is pretty aggressive IMO. There’s nobody else to screw anywhere but your friend’s son? Really? And you can’t control yourself?
She said she always initiates and she thinks that maybe – LOL LOL LOL- he has “feelings” for her, that he’s not acting on. Yeah that’s it. He’s thinking, what the hell, it’s weird but my mom’s not going to disown me, it will end and probably so will the friendship. No biggie.
The son drops her, the mom drops her as a friend, it’s actually not confusing. But that somehow this is a viable relationship to the OP just shows a real lack of understanding about all kinds of relationships.
This was a few years ago- bet it was a learning experience.
Ya I’m also sensing a lack of self esteem on the op’s part. Or even that there might be some kind of other payoff besides attention from a young man. Maybe she’s jealous of her friend? It’s just the absurd nature of it that makes me think she’s drawn to this dynamic from some kind of deep insecurity.