Hi Elsa,
I had been with my daughter’s father for two years and a half, when he decided to cheat on me and kick me and my daughter out of our apartment. That was back in June. I left and stayed with my sister until I found a job and an apartment, we’ve (my daughter and I) have been doing ok. Then all the sudden, her father came back and said he wanted to fix things.
At first I said yes, and then changed my mind – which is understandable considering my whole life was ripped away from me in one night. I went from having a fiancÆ’
Dear Single Mother,
I am sorry for all you’ve been through. You sound as if you’re depressed so keep an eye on that because if you start to drop lower you may want to see a professional. Meantime, I’ll sort this out for you and try to answer some of the questions dogging you, in the hope it helps you to get through this patch so you can move along.
I think your ex is right when he says he does not see this working out, but the reason has nothing to do with you. The fact is, he is a 20 year old boy, whereas you are a 20 year old woman / mother and I think it will help if you can get this clear in your mind.
See, you’re a Capricorn rising with a Capricorn Moon. This describes a mature person and it’s obvious from your post, your sense of responsibility to your daughter, etc. that the chart is accurate. And I bet if you look back over the course of your relationship, you will see this guy was a baby all along… and you were the mother figure.
As to why he does what he does and has done what he has done, it’s because he can. Do babies have to be responsible? Of course not. They’re babies. No one expects anything of a baby, most of all not the baby themselves and this is what you need to absorb.
Because it’s the rejection that’s killing you. Capricorn is so sensitive to rejection and I think it will help if you can see you have not been rejected by a man. You’ve been rejected by someone utterly incapable of relationship and it doesn’t matter who this guy ends up with. What girl, I mean. Whoever gets him is going to have a baby on her hands and what good is that when you’re looking for a man? Which is the key by the way, so please listen up.
With a chart full of Capricorn and Cancer on the 7th house, you’re a natural parent and so you’re going to be looking for children. And you found one with this guy! But now you have a real baby so no use for a baby-man!
And if you can understand and internalize this, you can be done with baby-men forever. And that would be a hell of a trick for a 20 year old, so this is my advice and here is your map:
1) Get it through your head that this guy is a baby.
1) Cop to the fact that you mothered him so you can identify your pattern.
2) Understand he is not going to grow up anytime soon (probably never).
3) Commit to mothering your child/children… from now on, real babies and nothing but
4) Look for real, grown up MAN who can partner with you
5) Have a happy life
Good luck.
What great advice Elsa!
Single mother, the road to having your sense of well-being has begun by your asking for help. As a person with a heavy dose of Capricorn in her life in general (not only in my chart, but the people I hold near and dear), can I add that Caps are a wonderful stabilizer! This is why this dude keeps coming back!
Still there? Yup. Still there? Yup.
My last relationship ended with me vowing: “I will never exit without my dignity again.” I also have a Capricorn moon. Vowing to hang on to my dignity at all costs has been vital for me.
And you sound so loving! Your daughter is a lucky little lady.
Dear Single Mother–
it gets better.
No more truer words were spoken. Beautiful, Elsa….just beautiful.
Mother, Elsa is right. This boy is a baby and it sounds like he is looking for instant gratification….like all babies do.
Listen to those wise ladies who posted before me. They’ve been there and done that and so have I.
“Realizing that there are lots of babies running around in bodies that are over 20….” Korellyn said a mouthful.
A man does not throw a baby “in the street”….even with the mother and you are wise to not allow him a second chance to do this to your daughter.
Every relationship that you have with a man will influence the future relationships your daughter will have with men. If her mother values herself then she will grow strong in the knowledge that she is also valuable.
Mother, you sound like a wonderful strong woman and I have no doubt that you will raise a very wonderful strong daughter.
You are blessed with so much maturity and wisdom at such a young age that you are an inspiration to other young women walking in your shoes.
I wish you success, happiness and the love of a really decent, kind and devoted human being.
jamie
Dear Single Mother,
One nice thing about being a single mother; it weeds out the guys who are not worth your time anyway. This goes for her father too.
I don’t know about everyone else, but I would be really interested in hearing how she’s doing…