“He’s lied about this and this and that, but he would never lie about this other…”
I think most people feel there are lines around another person’s lies. Others think, a liar is a liar. This is another Mercury opposite Neptune question and I don’t think this is that easy a thing to define.
The person who believes the liar will not lie in certain circumstances may be lying to themselves. The person who says, once a liar, always a liar is probably lying to themselves as well, most likely by pretending that they, themselves have never told a lie.
It is definitely possible a liar exploit a person’s tendency to believe there are lines around their lies and it may be inordinately hard to discern if this is happening or if the lines are real.
I also wonder if a liar and his or her lies might get progressively worse over time. Isn’t this how most things work? If so, then while there may be a line, that line can move.
It can move in the other direction if a person wants it to. A person can become fed up with their own lies and the trouble it takes to maintain them and turn 180 degrees to head in the other direction.
This is another Mercury opposite Neptune question.
What do you know about lying?
I really can’t lie to save my life. I’m not saying I don’t lie. But I ALWAYS get in a mess when I do.
I could leave things out of a truth…
I do believe that if someone can lie to you straight in the face, they can and will lie about anything.
Also, when I can see right through someone’s lie, I don’t call them out on it. I just take a mental note, and never trust…
I’ve said this before. There are lies & white lies.
Lies cover up a thing or whatever you have or haven’t done, to save your ass, perhaps to anothers detriment.
A white lie usually does no harm like that. It saves a situation, or someones feelings. Maybe even makes them feel better about something.
“Does my ass look big in this?”
In reality, it may look like it belongs to an elephant, but you know the person will wear whatever it is anyway… you say “No, you look just fine.”
That’s a white lie & it has saved the day… or the relationship…
There are lies I can’t make. I’ve lied alot. And getting over some of my childhood lies took alot. I still lie, but not as much. I don’t like it , so I have pulled out of situations where the lying has eaten me up. I can recognize other people lies, but I let them , sometimes it’s a part of an armour and it’s cruel to undress someone without their concent. There are few lies I’ve made that I really felt gulty about, most I would do again.
Here is the thing about lying. When you lie you take someone else’s freedom away. They no longer have the choice to make a fully informed decision because they’re operating inside a closed reality designed by the liar. To me that’s evil.
However I have no problem with lying to people who ask me things that are none of their business. They have no right to ask so they have no right to the truth. Such as: Did you have sex with him? I feel completely free to say no, it’s nobody’s business anyway. Or — how much money do you make? None of your business. I make 1.5 million dollars a year ( not really, that was an illustration.)
But I will say, if you’re going to lie about something to protect yourself, don’t let that lie change someone’s else’s life on false pretenses. Such as telling someone you’re not married when you are. The difference between this and lying about your age to a stranger is — the first lie is designed to get something from you you would not have given if you had known the truth. To me that’s actually a crime, not just a lie.
I think some people lie to cover their asses, and some people lie to make up drama. In the latter case, I don’t think there’s a line as to what they wouldn’t lie about. Anything is a potential thing to BS.
Oooh. I told both exes up-front that I do not tolerate lying. I told them they will always hear the truth from me, so please always be honest with me. Didn’t work – they were both pathological liars.
Aside from the polite, societal white lies and all that, once a liar, always a liar.
If I catch someone lying about something completely insignificant and stupid – I know they are damn well lying about much bigger things.
I think when people get away with lying when they are young, it emboldens them to continue to lie more and more as they get older.
Yeah, my ex concealed entire areas of his life from his family. Silly me, I thought I was on the other side of that boundary, There was just more layers to the lying.
Of course, this kind of behavior is different from white lies, but only by a matter of degree. The end goal is the same: to control how others perceive you. It was really important to him that he be thought of as a nice guy. He used to get really irritated at my unwillingness to engage in white lies for social graces. Should have been a tip off.
I lied about one thing last year, when I thought something was nobody’s business, but it still eats away at me.
I don’t know. I know of someone who is still lying to his wife right now, when she’s seemingly over the moon and thinking that everything is sorted. I didn’t understand my vet giving the stupid answer that two of my cats were the same age, as to why they might have died on the same day (unexpectedly, for one of them), until I realized that they were covering their butts because they missed it with Minnie. they misdiagnosed her. The only thing is, I don’t trust them at all, now.
Salali – I wouldn’t feel guilty. People ask things that are none of their business all the time. Just because they ask doesn’t mean you owe them an answer.
Definitely find a new vet. My girlfriend just lost her dog because her original vet misdiagnosed him. Her new vet performed surgery and saved him for the Summer, but it had gone on too long and he died this week. The new vet sent her a plaster rock with her doggy’s paw print on it. Now that’s a nice vet.
I agree there are varying degrees of white lies. It can get tricky, but most of us can discern a “proper” one from an improper one. Lie to your Grandmother and tell her that, yes, you love the hat she knitted you. Don’t lie to your friend about breaking a lunch date with her so you can go somewhere else with another friend.
White lies, sure.
Exaggerations, sure.
But if someone asks me straight up, I don’t lie because frankly, I know that will just make me need to lie more and more and plus, I want to be known as someone truthful.
I think people fall all over the scale.
“Here is the thing about lying. When you lie you take someone else’s freedom away. They no longer have the choice to make a fully informed decision because they’re operating inside a closed reality designed by the liar. To me that’s evil.”
Amen, Eva.
I’ve lied, not as habit but a few times to C-My-A. Ironically I lied to someone that had been lying to me for years (didn’t find that out until much later after all my tearful confessions and flagellation). At this juncture I’ve resumed my compulsive honesty, much better for everyone.
Once a liar, always a liar….You’ve consciously crossed a moral border. Love what catfishmass said about it taking “someone else’s freedom away.” So true.
What do you know about lying? That time is/can be the enemy to a lie,
Angie
It used to drive me insane when I knew someone was lying to me (Scorpio – I can smell it and I see right through you!).
I have recently concluded that most of the time people are lying to me because they are lying to themselves and couldn’t tell the truth even if they wanted to, because if they did it would mean that they would have to CHANGE.
This has really helped me anger-wise because now I don’t take it personally and have compassion for the fact that they need to deceive themselves.
I have been thinking about this lately because my super-ethical husband just withheld important information and made a decision that I felt would negatively affect me. However, he led me to believe that the other person (a relative) made the decision, and he was “surprised — you see how she is???”. Therefore, I confronted the other person and later had to apologize because he proposed the plan! Either he forgets he’s married or he does things for others financially that result in us not being able to do things we want. I found an article that said lying stems from cowardice (I can’t risk telling you the truth — I can’t say no to my relative) and/or arrogance (your opinion isn’t important) and/or selfishness (I’m going to do what I want to do anyway, no matter what you say). Obviously, I’m not talking about polite “you don’t look fat” white lies; I’m talking about making decisions to help other people without consulting me. Otherwise, he does not lie, he just changes the subject if you ask him something he does not want to answer. Maybe he lived alone for too long before we were married, but I sure hope this does not get worse or loss of trust and respect will surely follow.
Forgot to mention: he has mercury trine neptune; I have mercury conjunct neptune and have been scrupulously honest for at least 17 years.
Mandy thank you for the insight. It helps me to understand why my escapade with a lying Scorp happened. I can let it go now.
The introverted point on your post is a great reminder for everyone to consider with their relationships and love. While we would love to think we live in a world of absolutes, things usually aren’t that simple. But if a liar makes a habit of making other lives more difficult it at least bears listening to that call for caution in the back of your head.