I have a high tolerance for strife in relationship. My husband has a similar tolerance.
Vedic astrologers are on to this. Mars in the 7th house in the Vedic system is considered bad for marriage but there is remedy. The remedy is to marry someone with the same affliction!
It sounds like hocus-pocus until you see it work. If you like to battle or challenge or be challenged, it makes sense you find someone who likes same?
We shy away from characterizing anything as an “affliction” in modern western astrology but according to a poll, only twelve percent of people acknowledge they like to spar in their relationships. When seen in this light, it is an “affliction” to run around fighting all over the place; challenging the partner, when so many find it distasteful.
It’s worth noting that people are jarred! So if you happen to like a good fight now and then you may as well avoid those who don’t for the good of all parties.
For the record, I think the twelve percent figure is low. Mars in Libra is similar. Mars aspecting Venus can manifest this way as well and don’t forget Venus in Aries!
Do you enjoy sparring with your partner? How do you feel this?
I have mars in the first so I LOVE a good fight and some drama now and then but usually only with certain lovers. Good verbal sparring is an art and one I am very adept at. It clears the air and makes me feel refreshed. How can you go through life and never ratchet it up a notch now and then? It has to be with certain people that you have that flow with though.
I have Mars in the 7th…..it does make for a lot of conflict in the relationship. My boyfriend constantly questions why I need to break the peace. I seem to stir things up, sometimes I act/talk before thinking how it will affect others. I have Mars tied up with my moon, mercury, uranus, and (luckily) jupiter. I am with a man who won’t tolerate any abuse, and who has clear boundaries, so anytime I step over the line he calls me out on my obnoxious behavior. This results in a fair amount of yelling.
He can tolerate my mars in the 7th, probably because he has Aries rising himself.
I don’t think it’s considered ‘feminine’ for women to openly acknowledge that they like a good fight every now and again. However, in these stress ridden times and illness becoming a 90% reflection of this stress I wonder if this innate combative desire has gone underground or under-skin? I openly admit that with Mars/Mercury conjunction I have a temper and with my husband having the same aspect it’s a given that we need and respect this energy in one another. Whether or not we have ‘civilized’ the beast is another matter! With the conjunction being in Pisces and Lira it’s more iron hand in velvet glove.
I once was involved in a relationship in which my girlfriend loved to fight. Initially, I was somewhat disturbed over this fact. Until one day I realised that our “fighting” was a precursor to some fine sex. From that day forward, I developed a fond appreciation for her combative foreplay.
too true . . . makeup sex is some of the best.
{mars conjunct venus in Taurus in 7th}
It’s interesting what Deglet said, because I have Mars in 7th, and my husband also has Aries Rising. We both do not let the other one get away with any bullshit. The both of us stand up for ourselves. It’s just now that we are older, and have been together for so long, we need more so to be peaceful with each other.
Well I said that conflict doesn’t bother me. I didn’t actually read that as “likes to fight” – I don’t, but it doesn’t bother me much.
That being said, I think if there’s tension it needs to be released or resolved somehow, and if a good fight will do it, then let’s go.
I figure, like with so many other things about me that are just not the normal, that knowing this helps me avoid all the people who aren’t cool with it and thereby saves me a lot of time in relationships with the wrong people.
Shannon – I think that’s a really good point. Self-awareness probably saves a lot of painful, non-constructive arguments or fighting for the sake of it rather than it being a healthy outlet.
My Descendant is in Aries = Mars in the 7th…so I married a man with his Moon in Aries in the 5th….. which amounts to about the same.
We yell at each other at least once a day and have never been offended once by these outbursts.
Not once!
It did not work with anyone else.
I have Mars in the 7th. I don’t mind conflict but I hate it when people take it personally! It’s just a healthy fight FGS!
I’m with Sonia, I don’t mind conflict at all but hate it when people take it personally. (I have Mars in Pisces which I guess isn’t suppposed to be assertive in that way but being conjunct Mercury is what I guess makes me argumentative.)
I LOVE a good debate, in fact, I expect some good debates in my relationships. I don’t want to be with someone who I can’t talk about ideas with, and who won’t try and assert theirs.
And of course there are going to be times when people don’t agree and a fight ensues, it’s a normal part of life! In my eyes no fighting means that someone is repressing their feelings. Fighting though, with me, should be kept at an intellectual level. Once feelings are thrown in and sulkiness, resentment, etc ensue, then it’s over!!
it really, really surprises me that the percentage is so low of people who enjoy a good fight, but I guess that it only surprises me because it’s never been any other way for me.
only if it’s not mean spirited… there’s certain ruels of debate and respect that need to be heeded… but then they’re fun.
i think a lot of people can’t become combative without playing dirty… or have an idea it’s even possible.
besides, i think conflict will happen regardless… and i rather it be open.
I have moon-mars-venus conj. in Pisces and mercury square saturn-pluto and I love to discuss… or most of friends would say argue!! I personally don’t take it too personal (even when I sound intense!) but they feel intimidated so I try to be more peaceful and deliver my opinions more smoothly. I have another friend (Scorpio) who I argue with (met him 2 years go!) and he taught me that it’s ok to let out steam sometimes and not take it too personal! He has venus-pluto conj. in Libra and he LOVES drama and passion and I LOVE that in him!! Now I just need to find a guy that I can date that will appreciate the fire and that can at least handle it…. 😉
Maybe I should join a martial arts club.
Here’s a great example of somebody with Mars in the sixth house addressing this issue:
“Adults have fights and go through stuff,” Tomlin said Tuesday. “I know some people are more dignified in the world, that if you transgress against that kind of professionalism, that it’s some kind of great sin, but I don’t see it that way.”
And the video of this in action (disclaimer – heavy language):
I have an aquarian mars in the 7th and I definitely like a bit of sparring within my closer relationships. I don’t really like anything mean spirited, but a little blood pumping is good.
Luckily the guy I live with has mars in 4th.
Aries Mars on the 7th cusp here. My last X’s Pisces Mars really irritated me that way: we couldn’t have it out and in the open, plus I myself was not quite owning up to my own Mars — Pluto now squaring my Mars is changing that for sure. The partners I enjoyed the most had Aries Moon and or Mars but it never worked out in the long term because my chart is heavily in fixed signs… So lots of time required to get ready for anything does not fly well with them Rams! But I sure do love a good bit of clean competitive sparring! I’ve been reproached for arguing for the sake of it… which I attribute to Libra rising/Aries descending: that’s being the devil’s advocate fighting for balance, which is perceive as healthy.
Or you just pick someone with a strong Mars/Aries influence. My bf has Mars in the 7th, and I have the Sun, Mercury and Venus in Aries- with Venus in Aries in the 7th.
Michelle that sounds ideal! Hope everything else is synching up between the two of you…
Thanks grrr 😀
yes, elementary. 😀 it’s true, whatever affliction you have, even though you dont like this in yourself, you tend to tolerate it more and get on with others who are the same as you. it’s such a weird pheonemon… but so true. If you like to nitpick, and you hate that about yourself, you tend (you = general) to find someone who is similar. birds of a feather.
I can’t relate to this discussion. My 4H Gemini Mars trines my 8H Libra Sun and Mercury. I’d attempt to find an equitable solution to a problem; “keep the family peace.” If senseless verbal confrontations occurred on a regular basis, I’d bolt – 7H Leo Uranus conjunct asteroid “Jayne.”
Contrary opinions good for me
It’s the placating that makes me feel
Ignored or not worth the time to think about
My husband and I both have Mars in the 7th. I’ve recently rekindled my love of astrology and was concerned when I noticed this. This article really helped relieve some of my stress though so thank you! The only problem is, I’m aware of my joy of fighting but he pretends to hate it even though I know that he instigates and sometimes enjoys it?
I’m like Jayne. I can’t relate either. But i am reading these comments because i have a family member who is combative and im trying to understand so i sam not so gutted when she attacks me. I have pisces moon and ascendant and my mars is squared by saturn.
Capricorn mars in 7th. 2 marriages, a couple abusive relationships and currently in couples counseling with angry BF. Relationships with men have been fraught with fighting. Do I enjoy it? No, it triggers my PTSD. I’m told I’m seeking mastery over the abuse I endured as a child. It’s called trauma reenactment in pshyc terms. The gift at this stage is I am learning not to engage and hold my space when baited. Guess in some ways I am gaining mastery over how I respond in conflict. After all I am responsible for me. What others do says more about them.
I have Aries on the 7th house, does that play out the same way?
When I was young I loved a good fight, not anymore, my Libra Rising likes peace!
Yes it does. 🙂
I have Mars in the 7th and I want to clear out the tension in the room with one sweep! Cards on the table; no b*llsh*t allowed. Man up and say it already! If that makes me jerk, then I am a jerk; but an honest one.?
After a 30 year marriage my Mars in Capricorn in the 7th House ex-husband and I are divorced. I have a 4 planet Libra Stellium (Mars, Saturn, Neptune, Venus). He loved to say he just enjoyed discourse and debate. And while debate can be interesting and stimulating, a constant challenge as to why you are doing or thinking the way you do is just freaking exhausting. The divorce took ten years to come about. But the relief of not feeling attacked is well worth being on my own. I just turned 70. I have a lovely partner, but will never marry again. My relationship with my children was always loving, but I sense their renewed respect for me no longer casting myself as being in an abusive relationship. So, no matter the percentages of 7th House Mars types out there, please, if that is you find a mate who loves the “challenges” you throw around so easily. Not every opinion you have rates destroying another’s self-esteem.
Elsa, Mars in Scorpio as well?
Mars in Scorpio in the 7th? Yes.
Mars in Scorpio in general? No.
I don’t believe I have ever known any Maars in the 7th who considers themselves in a happy relationship. To marry another Mars 7th if you have it would either result in feeling compatible or killing each other. Personally, I couldn’t stand it but I am Cancer sun-Moon and Libra ascendant.
Mars in Libra in the 7th house here! Married 16 years, together 19 years. Had a really hard time in 2019-2020 in our marriage, but made it though. Our aspects are in a comment I make below.
My first and second child also have Mars in Libra conjunct mine, and my third child has Mars in Capricorn squaring all of our Mars. She is a pistol! Her Mars is in the 10th too.
I think there are positives and negatives to every aspect. A healthy expression of Mars in the 7th might be putting all of your energy and effort into your marriage. Mars is your effort! It can also be fighting for your marriage when things get tough. I agree with Elsa that it might be too much energy directed at the “other” if the partner doesn’t have a compatible aspect or similar theme in their chart. I might even say having a healthy Mars makes being with a Mars in the 7th house person easier.
Really good points. Thanks!
I knew a guy with Mars in the 7th (Pisces) and Sun in Cancer. He was sweet until you got on his bad side or didn’t do what he wanted. And his wife attacked him with sharp objects (Mars and Mars energies). It’s not surprising they divorced.
I don’t like psychological fights, where someone tells you what’s wrong with you but a fight about boundaries, ethics, morals, politics are fair game though, I’d say more I like a good argument than a fight. My Mars is conj Neptune in the 11th house, so if things get too loud, I’m outta there! I grew up with a mom who thought arguing was entertaining at the dinner table. So I saw how it can also harm a relationship but it’s not true for everyone.
My boyfriend has Mars in Libra, the 5th house. He is and can be a really warm, loving, and compassionate person, but what I’ve noticed is he has “a switch”. A short fuse. And it’s bloody annoying because he can react very harshly when it comes basically to nothing. And he likes to fight from time to time, sometimes I have a feeling over nothing, just to fight. He thinks he has great communication skills, but actually, he doesn’t, unless you agree with him, if you disagree or if he thinks what you think or feel is not rational enough, his voice changes tone and he becomes very unpleasant.
I know someone with Mercury in Libra squaring his Mars in Cancer snd acts just like this! He doesn’t have anything in his 7th house though.
Of course a lot of our behavior is learned or from family of origin.
So @Dori How do you deal with that?
Most of the time, I would have backed off, because I felt attacked and it was intimidating me. He is verbally very strong and as I wrote very unpleasant and that’s how I felt, unpleasant, I have an urge to run away or to keep quiet. Cancer thing, go into a shell. Sometimes I fire back and then he becomes very condescending and he starts talking to me like I’m his child, in a sense, I should watch my tone and watch how I talk to him. I was dealing with it in a way that I would always be careful how I say things. I know, completely wrong behavior, but I see his parents do the same. His mum gets quiet and avoids conflict because he’s just too strong. Now, something snapped in me. I say what and how I want, and if he doesn’t want to talk to me after that, fine, he doesn’t have to. If he wants to leave, the door is open. Silent treatment the whole week, fine, I’m okay with that too. I just stopped caring about his tone of voice when something is off, even if he’s right in that fight. So, he can act how he wants, but I’m not allowed to raise my voice? I don’t think so. I think I had abandonment issues and before I was afraid he would leave me if I confront him. I’m not afraid of it anymore.
Good to hear Dori. Your voice has importance too. Good job! It sounds like you have really thought about this.
I lost many people in my life, almost my whole family, I just have a brother, nephews, and uncle left, and we aren’t very close, so I’m already alone. In a way, you can’t break me anymore, because, at this moment, I have never felt stronger and weak at the same time. I just can’t care for childish behavior. Thank you, Dawn. 🙂
You’re welcome Dori. I can understand. That’s a lot to lose and now you feel can stand up for yourself. Not an easy task.
Spot on!!
I have Mars in Libra in the 7th square Mercury in Capricorn, and Venus in Scorpio in the 8th (conjunct Pluto in the 8th). This is mutual reception. Saturn is Scorpio is 6 degrees away from my Venus.
My husband has Venus in Virgo (not the best placement much my Venus in Scorpio) conjunct Mars in Virgo only one degree apart (Similar to a Mars in Libra feel like I have) all in the 10th (Saturn influence, also like I have). His Mars and Venus fall in my 7th, and he has a Scorpio stellium that sits on my Venus/Pluto.
I think a lot of people over generalize and don’t look at the whole picture. What kind of vibe does the person have and how does it work with the other person’s vibe.
I person don’t think another person is being authentic and real with me if they won’t disagree and fight with me occasionally. That being said, I am very motivated to be fair, and I try to be considerate. This right here is my Venus/Pluto in Scorpio in the 8th, and my Libra in Mars in the 7th.
Caliente!!!
A little spice to the stew for this 7th houser, anti boredom freak…
Disclaimer: Vibes must match!
i can see why astrologers say mars libra is detriment (broken) as i’ve seen through out the years how (fall and detriment) planets can be broken, and how mars 7th is similar. It’s just harder to find someone to fit or accept these conditions, and what better way than another with detriment or fall placements. I always thought it was a huge balance with my sister who has aries sun (exalted) with venus pisces (also exalted) and taurus moon another exaltation, was with her ex husband who had alot of ” fall” and ” detriment” planets. the only fall/detriment broken planet she has is mercury pisces. But her ex had a so many fall /detriments,and they both had cancer jupiter (which is exaltation) she hated that he always loved to argue and was mean to her, and she ran off away from that and couldnt take it. So i guess i understand it now. She needs a more peaceful person, or someone who is more compliciant to her as shes got that bossy aries sun. and that strong taurus moon.but i get it now, many libra suns and libra mars are very argumentative. it doesn’t mean its bad, its just that astrology helps us to understand these things and to love them for all the flaws with have and they have.It sure is hard.
Seeing the solution with Mars in the 7th house that is not good for marriage bothers me. I don’t know if I can marry someone with the same trouble. I think it may take a lot of luck.wordle hint
guilty as charged! venus rx conj merc in Aries, sextile moon/chiron in gemini 😆😆😆😆😆
if it hurts a little / touches sore spots so they get AIR, even better.