Recently I worked with a young woman who was wrestling with the possibility of pulling the plug on her entire life. Do you know what I’m talking about?
I’m talking about a person who is seen as this or that…a stable person. A moral person. A devoted wife. But then they come to believe or to actually see that their entire life is a lie.
They want to pull the plug, because they know how much pain their actions will cause. But they also can’t say that it’s not the right thing to do.
Is it not possible to marry the wrong person? Of course it’s possible.
A person can marry someone under duress. They can marry someone when their judgement is impaired. They can marry someone who grossly misrepresented themselves. But even in these conditions and worse, some believe that marriage is for life.
For example, there is the battered woman who calls me now and then. If she leaves her husband, who beats the crap out of her, her family will shun her or worse.
It takes a lot of courage to do this in some cases. Because some doors swing one way and one way only. Some things are irrevocable, this is a fact of life.
I told this young gal to think about what she was going to do, long and hard and deeply. To check every dark corner, not once but twice. Because she’s going to pay a price no matter what she does. To best get through something like this, you’ll want to anchor as deep as possible.
Personally, I’ve had to do this more than once. If you do make this choice, count yourself lucky if you have even one friend who sticks with you. It’s best you know this up front.
Have you ever pulled the plug on your entire life(style)?
Yes. Years and yeas ago, to save my life. And unfortunately it looks like here I go again, which I am sort of stunned about but recognizing now. Price to be paid, and yes, that door will close (or if it beckons again you know better than to go back through). Having considered it for awhile, it is what it is. Longterm friends have my back, but I’ll lose a lot of other friends and family I know. But, probably no choice, really. A parasite turning me into a husk of myself.
Yes – this was true for me. I finally left my marriage bc I physically felt as though I was dying . The other side is difficult- 7 yrs of trying to find a partner, loneliness, loss. But definitely many gifts – it’s just sometimes hard to measure the loss against the gains. The most important change is I have a peaceful, supportive, home environment which I didn’t have before. That’s really important! The cost was I lost financial security, many friends, and family . The result has been learning who I am for the first time in my life. Good luck to all on this journey.!
Welcome. Evelyn.
Totally relate to this and love how you expressed it.
It’s frightening when the tunnel seems dark but when you stay in the moment, this very moment, we don’t have any problems at all. We can come to see that what seemed so very scary isn’t at all. But it’s freedom. Like a forest path in shadow, or the first day of kindergarten.
Some people do this when they quit an addiction.
Or leave a religion, or join one.
It’s pretty interesting.
Yep. I left that abusive relationship. I checked every dark corner. Still, I never knew how difficult it would be. I think these made for TV movies give the impression that you leave and it’s over and suddenly you’re empowered. Wrong. There is a price to pay, that’s right. You can’t undo things. Still, I did it because it was either leave or die. Well, I don’t want to die. So that’s how I live with my decision. Knowing that I chose life instead of death and looking at it in those terms has allowed me to live without regret. I live with the consequences though. That’s Saturn and karma. Cause and effect. The whole experience has made me take my choices much more seriously. Almost to my detriment.
I’ve burnt many bbc bridges. Think it’s an 8th house overload that desires 1000 incarnations in one. I have explored the darkest places, where angels fear to tread, purely to find my wonderful self now. Can you see me sparkling lol
Bbc bloody bad chaos 🙂
I separated when I was 35.
Now at 65 I have re-encountered my first boyfriend when I was 17.
I didn’t have anyone in the period in between. And I am sure the Universe wanted me to be ready for this re-encounter.
Nothing happens by chance in life. It is very important to believe in that.
Yes. I am not a believer that people have to suffer. When it is time for me to grow, I have to do it. The consequences of not doing so will come to no good. What’s the soul about anyway? That’s just me. And when it comes to a person’s soul’s journey, it’s an individual thing. It’s all choices. Hard sometimes, isn’t it? Not always clear. It’s like there is a man made law against becoming who you are.
someone I trusted once told me, “if you even have a friend, you’re lucky.”
in my opinion, people throw the word “friend” around pretty loosely.
I wish this weren’t true, but I’m afraid it is.
Facebook hasn’t helped in the branding of the term friend. It’s now a verb, we can “friend” someone, but we don’t really befriend people anymore…it is hard to be a true friend. Real relationships are messy and definitely require a give and take.
Someone that I hadn’t seen in real life in a couple of years called me not too long ago and said she was happy for me that my life was going so well. I reminded her that was my facebook life and I don’t post the daily hardships because no one really wants to hear about that when they are cruising through their newsfeed in the dentist’s office. My life is hard and complicated and beautiful and exhausting, but only a small handful get that picture. It just takes to much energy to put it out to people that don’t really care.
Very good points, heatherm. 🙂
I wish more counsellors recognized the depth of these types of decisions like you do Elsa. Too much shallow advice is causing more harm than good.
i agree, too many shallow advice — i believe it’s because they aren’t knowledgable or have experienced deep suffering in a relationship. They have probably just “read” it, vicariously reading someone else’s life….you can read that in college/university on psychology and sociology and everything that discusses about family problems.but it is not the same as being knee deep “in” the suffering and feeling everything. But at least they do try and help when there aren’t many counselours out there, or people who do want to help.
* i mean living vicariously through someone else’s experience. It’s not the same.
Exactly what Rotten Apple said. And in light of the aspects now i am going through another pulling the plug of my life..it is to surrender the who you ever thought your were, to who you will be & do so willingly, again. But pulling the plug is a constant reality for me. it is time to heal the past through restrictions truly an inside job. Pluto, Uranus on my AC. Moon, Mars conjunct at 29degree of Virgo, Saturn square in play..nothing but tough
I didn’t pull the plug but it was pulled for me anyway. But I’ve learned from a wise woman to “play that hand that was dealt” and my kids and I are going to survive and work towards thriving!
I did, and it involved leaving the man who is now my husband. We both needed to change. When you pull the plug, doesn’t mean there isn’t another socket to connect into. I had a karmic meeting with someone and got my career confidence back too that summer. Anyway… 2 “minor” events made me break up with him, but it was a culmination plus me drawing my lines apart from romantic issues. Sometimes you need to get offended to discover your lines in the sand.
More than once. I might be about to do it again, except this time I might manage to keep in contact with my Tribe, since I actually have one now. But big upheaval coming soon, I’m pretty sure.
I cut off my entire family. They more than anyone taught me there are worse things in life than being alone.