Letting Go Of People Who Have Let Go Of You

8th houseI tend to hold on to people who have let go of me. With Uranus in my 7th house, I can definitely give a person space, for years and years and years. That’s not the same thing as letting of though, is it?

In moving across the country, I’ve became aware of just how fixed and loyal I am. I went to the same salon for more than twenty years. I kept my “gay dentist with issues” (I used to write about him), for twenty years as well.

The people who messed up my loan on the house? That was Discover Home Loans. I’ve had a Discover card since the 1980’s and a bank account with them for 25 years.

Opening up a new checking account, I noticed my (old) check register said 2005 on it. That’s the last time I balanced my checkbook. I do the same thing with people. I keep them.

I keep them in my heart and I keep them on my mind. Even when they do heinous things and/or try to destroy me, I still recall them.

I recall them and feel sorrowful. Period! My emotions are not mixed or complex in anyway. I just feel sorry about these situations where people have gone their way and I’ve gone mine.

I have no idea what this means. I wish I was a lot more flippant than I am.

Are you able to let go of people who have let go of you?

53 thoughts on “Letting Go Of People Who Have Let Go Of You”

  1. Hmmm Well I can match you 7th house Uranus with an Aquarius cusped 7th house. I detach from people. I also have people who have detached from me in the ways you have described. My tendency is to ice off someone when I finally decide to end the connection. I am extremely loyal, even to people who have been disloyal to me. But once I cut the cord, it is cut. I have tried to be less “cold”, but….I am finding I do not want to waste more of my life with negative connections. Some people are about to be shocked and electrified(Uranus) by me cutting the cord. But I logically see no other alternative. It is not as though I did not try to have healthy connection and keep them close; now I mustthink of my wellbeing.

  2. Oh that’s me, too if it’s someone I like/love/am mildly obsessed with/acquaintances I see. I have that Uranus Pluto moon tight conjunct in my first house trining Venus. I’m so sad when people leave my life if I theirs and I will think of them often forever. I guess I’m lucky Venus isn’t in the conjunction or I’d probably be a stalker.

  3. I have Venus in Scorpio (detriment, but balanced, sort of, by mutual reception of Mars in Libra) on the first degree of the seventh house.
    Not by choice, single again.
    Seems to take too long to recover…

    1. Omg. The recovery time from the special relationships. I have not heard that addressed before. The older I get the longer it takes. Now there’s one hangover I can definitely do without.

  4. Nope! I have a Cancer Venus and an Aquarius moon. My feelings abide steadily and I can accept near any flaw as a quirk. I give a lot of space too, but you know I’m attached because I stay vaguely in touch, forever.

  5. People have this effect on me as well. My 7th house only holds Chiron and some asteroids, but I have Uranus in Scorpio in the 1st, Pluto in Libra in the 12th. Neptune 2nd house. I think what I value and yet have massive struggles with is my relationships with people. I love hearing about another person’s story, or journey, or opinion (as long as they are not talking AT me, if you know what I mean). But my Pluto makes me obsessive with obsessing over people, I think the Uranus in the 1st plays into it somehow, too, because of how it is opposite from my descendant.

    I am fascinated by total strangers. I have found my relationships with people simply ‘dissolve’ away (maybe 2nd house Neptune?). But Pluto never makes it easy. I still haven’t learned how to forget. People have no idea how much they leave a part of themselves with me after they have left me.

    1. Well put: people leave a part of themselves with me.

      And then I possess it.

      It’s not really mine to possess. It was shared. But it becomes part of me.

  6. Avatar
    menega sabidussi

    i’m a scorpio sun and mercury with a taurus moon – i don’t do letting go. what i do is shove memories and people that have let me go into mental drawers. every so often one of those drawers will spring open and everything will pop up as if it had just happened.

    elsa, i’ve just been reading up on your huge life and location change, wishing you all the best in your new place! i know you will manage and get things sorted because that is what you do. but it’s tough and i’m thinking of you.

  7. Nope. My heart has little marked off borders all over it like states with people’s names on those spots..when it’s yours it stays yours forever.

  8. I stick with companies, brands and people for years too, even to my detriment sometimes. I’m in recovery though and getting better all the time! At least one knows what to expect with the same old things.

  9. I often go to the same gas station that used to be up the street from me, for gas, even though I moved and I have another one closer to me now. I’m super nostalgic. I can’t go some places or I’ll cry. Returning to my home state makes me cry because feelings and memories come rushing back. I carry an undercurrent of homesickness but I try not to dwell on it because it hurts too much. I do hold onto people even when they do me wrong, yes. Not all people. But significant ones, yes. I don’t usually know how much I miss people/places until they’re in front of me or I need to remember for some reason. I stuff it all down. Saturn in Scorp conj IC.

  10. I have an Aqua descendant. Now that I think about it, I can and have iced people out, people I’ve known a long time. You gotta know when to say when. But I’m also loyal. And a few people have left my life abruptly yet amicably, for no other reason than the connection had served its purpose.

  11. Elsa, is this anything like when you talk about stepping away from corpses? I have found those posts useful.

    1. There may be a distant connection. But when I say, “corpse”, I am talking about a dead thing (relationship) you are trying to resurrect.

      In my case, I do not try to put the broken thing back together. I just feel it.

  12. I tend to hold on longer than I should, because I generally am slow to see that they’ve moved on. But once I realize it, it’s not hard to cut the ties.

    May the bridges you burn light the way.

  13. This is me too. I knew a man for 17 years, but he had serious issues from his childhood. These issues got in the way of the relationship and even though i repeatedly told him ‘enough is enough'(he was like a jeckle & hyde) he would not leave me along.I have a deep empathy for him, as i also had serious childhood trauma. I found out Vesta an astroid is the most powerful aspect in mine and my sons charts. I did try to look it up but i have alot to learn about astrology and had difficulty understanding ‘Vesta’ as some things were positive and others not so.

  14. I think from my childhood i had to take responsibility for myself and my parents and because i had autism experienced serious consequences at the hands of others – i was too vulnerable. I guess it made me very caring and protective of others because i never want to see anyone else go through what i did. Its like im on a mission to help, but i aint much use because you need to look after yourself, in which i have serious difficulty doing this.

  15. I feel that I have the opposite problem – I don’t connect enough with people, so when they move on it seems that I’m not very affected.
    I have a long-time girlfriend who amputated me and I didn’t even realize it! Found out several years later from friends (who had also been amputated). That makes me laugh more than anything else, as now we are “friends” once again. Pretty strange.
    Otherwise I’m rather loyal (Leo), if not demonstative enough for some. Cancer Venus and Aqua Moon here (like @elf), with same results.
    My feelings are probably no passionate enough, I’m quite content to know that the people are there, without having to be in touch too much. Could also be because throughout my life I’ve often been in contact with people far away, in other countires or the other side of the planet, with very few persons physicaly present and I’m used to this MO.
    Sometimes I worry that I consider people like abstract things, but I really do have a lot of affection for some. It’s just that I don’t get very involved.
    A sort of idealization, I guess.
    Aside from a few sentimental stories that ended, I’ve actually not lived many occasions of having to let go.
    But at any rate, I don’t see any reason to be flippant.

  16. You sound just like the man i knew. He was amazingly intelligent, traveled to every country and knew so much.He had trouble communicating emotions but was brilliant with conversation. All i know was that i had jupiter at 0 degrees leo and mars at 26 degrees leo in the 12th house ascendant. he had mars 17 degrees leo and uranus 22 degrees leo, both of us with 29 degrees cancer 12house. Something happened July 12th last year, I will miss him and do not think i will see him again, but if this is the case it may be positive because it may mean he is happy and that is all that matters to me.

  17. I used to, too, but I realized that most people don’t seem to have the same amt. of loyalty I did (Taurus Sun & Mercury).I guess realizing the futility of holding on to people who are best let go of.

  18. i feel it deeply too. I’m very energy sensitive as well and I swear I feel when these people have me on their minds. I have had dream sessions where I speak to that person about US letting go of each other. Every time they pop up I try to send unconditional universal love their way. I feel it’s easier to send the universal form than the love I have in my own personal well. This helps me to maintain my emotional (and physical) boundaries.

  19. I let go of people who let go of me, very easily. Especially if they let go for no reason I can understand. What else can I do? Regret? Of course there is regret, but I put it aside.
    I don’t feel this has anything to do with loyalty. I can only be loyal to those who deserve loyalty, in which case I am VERY loyal. In most cases I am the only one hanging around when all the other ‘mouses’ leave.

    1. Reading this, I realise how black and white it sounds.
      I have a Libra Sun, Neptune and Saturn. Mercury and Moon in Scorpio are in my third house.
      I see, if somewhat blurrily, both sides. I usually know why the other side is letting go. Sometimes I know I could stop this if I tried, but I don’t try.
      I let go too easily and I loose people too easily – even really good people.
      It’s not a bad thing to hang on a bit longer – I wish I could.

  20. Sylvia Plath said, “anything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it”. Sums up my life all the way. How is it so easy for some people? They are very lucky.

  21. I send out like a dozen xmas cards to friends that I hung with in the wayback. It’s like some kind of unique bond we made and still hang onto. After not seeing some of them for 10 years I made a visit and the strange thing was, that even with our different lives and experiences since, it was like no time at all had past. We all had changed but we connected to the part of each other that never changes.

  22. I so look forward to your comments Elsa! This one in particular struck me since it hit home. I have difficulty letting go of much of anything, but I rarely allow anyone to know that it bothers me. I am a Leo with my moon in Aries an Gemini Rising. That’s about all I know.You are a special person that I recognized instantly when I happened upon this site. You are so much more than an astrologist; you are a sensitive and healer. I wish you renewed health and happiness in your next phase of your life!

  23. I’m pretty much the same, Elsa. I’m loyal to a fault. And while I can give lots of space (& often do), I still think of old friends, old lovers, etc. the memories are often tinged with sadness but, they are cherished. ❤️

  24. This is a topic that resonates with me. I have had a lifetime of secretly mourning the loss of people who had become a part of my life. I do not talk about the hurt, I keep it hidden but it is ever present. I wish I did not care so deeply and could erase the repeating movie of loss that plays in my mind. I have been indelibly imprinted by their presence in my life, I can not erase the tape. I think it could be Neptune conjunct the ascendant and Jupiter inthe 7th influence. I guess I have an inflted sense of others. I also know that my Libra moon square Venus makes it difficult to let go of the past. I collect memories and hoard them. It is not very pleasant to be the hoarder of connections that have fallen by the wayside.

  25. I hold on to people. Or maybe there’s a more apt way to describe it. People have an effect on me. I like to learn from others and that means they change me on a deep level. So that’s how I hold on to them.

    I don’t wish it was different. I see it as a special gift. And I think it helps them too in some way.

  26. I’m loyal and hang on until I look like a complete idiot. Hurts bad to let go. But, something magical happens to me about a month later. I can sock it away, amputate and keep busy enough for it to be dead to me.

    I am led by emotion (water) so if I weren’t able to amputate (you’re dead to me) I would have never made it this long. The pain would strangle me.

    A lot of people are acting really stupid in my world right now. People I have given so much love, time and money to. (I am having 2 really harsh transits right now) 🙁 I can feel myself pulling away. I’m backing out of the driveway and headed in the other direction. Maybe they will miss me, maybe they wont but unfortunately I am going to be unable to turn it around when they need some propping up again…. and they will.

    I like a lot of people. I only love a few. It’s only the ones that I love so deeply that can hurt me. I have to protect myself. If I didn’t I would be rolled up in a ball in the corner eating my own hair!!!!!!!!

  27. Hi Elsa, yes, I can relate to this, I’ve got an 8th house sun and mercury so I tend to live for merging. I also have pluto stationary retrograde in the fifth house so I get hooked on people, deeply, hate leaving them go, very painful. In fact they have to leave me go, because I can’t. If they do walk away, I mourn and miss them – I can’t seem to ‘unattach’ from people. They’re always there.

  28. I hold on too. I may stop reaching out, making contact. If the person has done something definitively wrong to me, I may let it melt away into my past, but in most cases there is no definitive moment or event. So I hold on in some way. I often feel there’s an element of ‘just in case’ involved. What if there is some kind of situation that is bigger than evident at first glance? What if I can fulfill a purpose with this person/situation diwn the road? What if this person needs me at some point and when that time comes, they’re afraid to make contact because they know I’ve written them off? I’d rather keep the possibility on the table than destroy it all together. I will hold on to situations that work for me ie: a salon, for as long as it works. Dramas happen everywhere, all the time. If the reasons I chose it still hold true for me, I will continue going. Some people would run away, hide, or ditch for small or inconsequential reasons. I think it’s people like myself, and you, that keep some consistency and stability in the shuffle of life.

  29. P.S. I don’t know what the astrology is for me. I do know I’ve been astounded at the similarities between us as I read your posts, but never comment on it. I just observe.

  30. I’m fairly resistant to change. I think it’s as much inertia as a conscious clinging. Also, I can cut someone out of my life and proceed as if they no longer exist but I still think about it inside seemingly forever. Flippant would mean freedom. I need to work on that. 🙂

  31. Some people have a life within my mind, no matter how far away they are, whether they like me or not, or when last I have seen them. If I love them, I imagine them happy, if I dislike them, I imagine them happy,too. But when I made my mind up that someone is not worth my time,I leave them alone. No, I dont stick to routine, when we moved to a new country and city I tried another road to the kid’s school every day – and everyone was perplexed how I came to know the new neighbourhood so well in such a short time. Sag Sun, AC Libra and Moon/Mars in Scorpio…and a freedom loving Aquarius Venus in Opposition to Uranus.

  32. No, I wish I could. Maybe my Venus/Pluto conjunction that holds on, and I do give people lots of space with my Moon conjunct Uranus and Aquarius 7th house. I had a longtime friend, going back to high school and college and then some, who was very self-centered and not at all understanding of me and dropped me from her life years ago (except a yearly Christmas card with only her and her husband’s names, no “Love,…”!). Yet I think about her often and feel the loss. Others I’ve known, colleagues/coworkers etc, who are no longer in my life. You’d think the Moon/Uranus would let go easily, but maybe it’s because it’s in Leo – fixed sign. Plus most of my personal planets have progressed to Scorpio, which is notoriously retentive.

  33. Venus in Aquarius and 11th house Libra, I seem to have slowed down in terms of friendship turnover in the past few years. Maybe because I am making lower numbers of new friends and social circles I had been hanging on to some old ones out of habit, like clothes that no longer fit but you keep them in the back of the wardrobe anyway. I did some major cutting of cords recently and know that new things will come into the gap. It’s like, why not have a pruning session, it’s honest and clean and allows new things to happen. It is Easter after all, and you can’t have birth without death.

  34. This is so interesting! I have spent practically all day today wondering why it is that I continue to care about people who do not care about me. My ex-husband who has repeatedly shown icy-cold behaviors toward me, has been on my mind practically all day, along with a man to whom I have felt an attraction for a while. My brothers who have treated me through most of my relatioships with them, as if I have been invisible at worst, and at best as a forgettable person have also been on my mind. The truth is that in spite of how they have treated me, I care about them. This is my nature. Thank goodness that I also care about people who are good to me. I am loyal though, and I do admit to a fault. What does a person do with that?

  35. It just means that you are decent and have integrity; that is a really good way to be whether people stay or not.

  36. This sounds so familiar! l am not good at letting go ever of anyone only if things were really ugly..and l was let go of bad! haha but yes l wonder the same why hold onto things or people that make no sense, it’s loyalty indeed. Forever loyal not matter what, which is also a good thing l like that in people l think the older l get harder it gets to let go.

  37. I think yes. Probably because I am aware that they are changing so I rarely am blindsided. The only one that really got me was the suicide. I did not see it coming. Silly me. Even then I sensed the change in the person, that we were coming to an end. But I never thought the sudden death was in process. And because it hit me so hard, it’s hard to say if it was a matter of letting the person go or just getting through the shock of it all. Uber confusion. It took time. But yes, I let go of it.

  38. I have been referred to as autonomous and I feel that is accurate. The Rulership Book by Rex E. Bill corresponds Uranus with autonomy. I do have a strong Uranus in the seventh, as you also, Elsa.

    I can intuit when people are ready to move on from me and allow them the space to do so without regret…I just figure things have run it’s course. And then there is also a time when I must move on without regret also.

    Sometimes I do find this a bit disconcerting that I can do this with such ease. Here is the kicker, I have been married to the same man for 42 years and we both hold on with all our might!:) My loaded eighth house and his Scorpio moon and Venus conjunct Pluto, I presume…maybe?

  39. Not at all – i try to keep in touch as well
    disastrous for me – annoying for them, or one more opportunity to hurt or take advantage of me
    I have my moon in taurus

  40. This post spoke to me so deeply! I find it hard to let things go, it’s both a blessing and a curse. I wish could let go of people who let me go, as it can be incredibly painful.
    On the upside, I wish you all the best for this new move, Elsa. New adventures and new roots!

  41. I remember and hold important people from my past with me. Three planets in my 1st and in Scorpio as well as Pluto in hard aspect to 3 planets.

  42. I have a sacred hall of worship in my heart for old friends that have moved on. No matter how they hurt me, they are held with love and tenderness for the gifts they gave me. And periodically I play the old movies trying to figure out what went wrong. If they visit or call I am immediately transported back to the love I had for them. Most recent was my BFF from highschool who quit speaking to me in 2006 at the time I was getting divorced. For 30 years we were in each other’s lives then she left. I found out on fb in feb that she died from cancer. That was rough. I have Pluto and Uranus in the 7th house. Pluto conjuncts my north node. Uranus sits on my descendant. I love my Uranian friends and lovers, but I do have a hall of sorrows where I keep the treasures they gave me before they made their sharp left turns. I hold vigil with my constancy and love. I am sag sun, libra moon, Aquarius Asc, venus in Aquarius , mars in cancer.

  43. Elsa, I can very much relate to how you feel about all those relationships you no longer have and somehow still grieve–even if they were not in your best interest…This has been a life-long issue for me, too. I also have Uranus in 7th (in cancer conjunct the descendant). To make things really awful, I have Scorpio Sun/Venus/Mercury in 10th square Pluto in Leo in the 8th. With all these fixed signs–I hang on when I should have let go eons ago–but somehow I just can’t–even to people who have betrayed, abandoned abused me in some way. I have watched your blog for the past many months, thinking in amazment, how resilient you have been in handling so many huge life changes–serious illness, major move, dissappointment in your 1st house purchase falling through, and then leaving all of your long term friends and your way of life there. That many changes/adversities are bound to be hard on your system eventually, especially since you have had to do some of this by yourself. You are certainly a survivor! Being a little let down, even after getting what you want, in light of all this is very understandable. You have a huge heart, and yes, you are definitely a healer! Thank you for being there for all of us as you have gone through all you have. What would we do without you? 🙂

  44. its so hard, to let go; i really understand the taurus/scorpio axis, both cannot let go in different ways. even through abuse, toxicity, sooo hard, like a death. and you dont want things to die.

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