Venus In Aspect To Neptune – Self Esteem That Comes And Goes

mirror distortionIt’s been a huge challenge to get this website together. I have no skills around this of thing, or aptitude for that matter. I still had to do it, because I wanted it done. And who isn’t having to do things they don’t want to do these days?

I tried to keep in mind how important it is a person learn new things.  I’m fortunate to have a job, never mind, I have a job that provides me an opportunity to learn. But I still got down on myself at times. I have Capricorn.

When I became terribly frustrated, my husband told me not to be so hard on myself. He pointed out how much I’d already accomplished and it helped.

Then I wrote Sunday’s post. I was proud of it. It appealed to me for some reason.  But when I say such a thing, I’m told I’m arrogant.

With Venus in aspect to Neptune, I am easily influenced by what others say or feel about me.  But I drift so readily, it doesn’t matter that I am influenced or how I am influenced. The effect is so fleeting.

If I feel good about myself…it won’t last.
If I feel bad about myself, that won’t last either.

Considering this, how I got the feeling is completely irrelevant. Can you relate to this?

And what is the ideal (Neptune) when it comes to self-esteem? Is it wrong to ignore your accomplishments and also wrong to enjoy them? Damn!

30 thoughts on “Venus In Aspect To Neptune – Self Esteem That Comes And Goes”

  1. I was told by someone once, that you don’t define yourself by your successes or failures. You define yourself by who you are as a human being. Which means different things to different people, but like what your proud about yourself in whom you have become or attempting to become, ect. I think this is a good idea because it takes a lot of pressure off you and also gives the outside world a lot less power. When people tell you “wow Elsa that was amazing” you should enjoy it, but you ultimately know what your instrument is and what your capable of more than anyone else on the planet, which is more linked to who you are as a human being and that stays constant, but it still feels good to hear good feedback, so here goes, “Wow , Elsa you are an amazing woman! ” 🙂 Your groupie Charlie

  2. Best piece of advice I ever got, when someone is giving you a hard time, is to always consider the source. Gracious people who have their act together don’t need to nitpick someone doing better than themselves. Whoever said that to you, I am sure, likely does not have their act together.

  3. Sorry to hear about your self-esteem struggles, Elsa. Defining my self-esteem on successes and failures was a huge, huge mistake. In order to survive, I had to base my self-esteem on something more durable (even with Sun square Saturn). I don’t have Venus square Neptune, but how does Mars square Neptune compare?
    Focus on the qualities that you know will never change in yourself.
    I know I’m determined. That is a quality I know I consistently have.
    I make an effort to not get too affected by setbacks, but I also realize that when I accomplish things, I have to maintain my level, and keep on working on things.

  4. Totally understand this, Elsa. I have neptune in capricorn in the 2nd house. I also have a taurus moon in the 6th. I take what people say to heart (especially those who know me better) and then really work on improving myself. It can get pretty exhausting. All of your posts have been speaking to me lately – this one, judging your parents, and taking your own power. My parents see me as an extension of themselves and it took a long time for me to learn that, for example, what they disguised as having manners were arbitrary ways to maintain control. I wasn’t allowed to speak up for myself because it was considered talking back. I am finally starting to let go of the guilt. Over the weekend, as mercury moved into scorpio, I bought a couple of books to help myself strategize how to take power, or at least how to recognize when somebody is trying to take mine and counteract it.

    You help a lot of people everyday, many of whom think of you but probably don’t tell you. Remember us when you get dissed!

  5. Neptune conjunct Venus in Sagittarius here.
    In terms of what other people say: When I was young, I was plagued by my own self consciousness. Anyone spoke to me that I did not know well, my face would turn bright red and I was unable to respond. I would go over any criticisms I received in my mind over and over again, replaying what I should have said. It was exhausting. I learned to meditate when I was 19 and I have been practicing now for 15 years. The difficulty of taking other people’s opinions too seriously, it created enough pressure in my life that I HAD to find another way of existing in order to survive. I can now- with consistent rituals and meditative practices- turn off my mind/ inner chatter. I can see the bigger picture. That everyone can only offer another person the level of self love or self respect or criticism that they have for themselves. All I have to do is be my own guide, focus on being as authentic as possible and act with integrity. It matters a lot what other people say and do- we are all connected and share a collective heart/ mind. But, I cannot control other people’s choices- so all I concern myself with are my own choices and words. And give love and compassion to those around me that live in the discomfort of confusion.

  6. To further clarify, in terms of confidence, I have an overly healthy dose. Leo ascendant conjunct saturn in the 12th, Capricorn moon, a stellium of Scorpio pride… It isn’t apparent until you know me well, but my ego is huge. I genuinely believe I am God. We all are. That is what Jesus meant when he insisted that God is within our hearts and that we all are His sons and daughters. My faith is not that simple, either. I also believe that attempting to personify God is ridiculous. God is power beyond our comprehension and is as equally in reach to science as it is to religion. It is the shadows that dance before my eyes when I close them and feel peace and bliss. It is the flow of natural balance and connected oneness in the universe. It is the root of my unshakable faith in myself.

  7. Virgo Venus trine Capricorn Neptune and I can definitely relate with this:

    “If I feel good about myself…it won’t last.
    If I feel bad about myself, that won’t last either.”

  8. Leo Venus, trine Sagittarius Neptune here! I hear you loud and clear! No state is permanent and permanence is not a state! Confidence has always been a big issue in my life and have never been able to find a happy medium , for long anyway! Nice to know that we’re not alone!!

  9. Totally identify! Venus in Pisces trine Neptune. Very influenced and very sensitive about what others say and think about me. It is very changeable and transient though being mutable. One person says something and it effects me, then something is said that counteracts that sentiment and I am off in the other direction… always changing. Really annoying. In my younger years this didnt seem to bother me. Being older now, I really dont like this influence much and am actually starting to prefer the grounded stability of Saturn (have Saturn in Taurus). Dont like being so easily influenced and sensitive. Good for somethings, not so good for others…

  10. I envy the Venus Neptune people-they are so attractive (etheraly, of course) and get so much attention. There is a hatch, however. It often comes that it is attention they don’t really want, or know what to do with it.

  11. Hi Elsa,

    I have Sun square Neptune and square Moon (which is opposite Neptune)
    Fleeting feelings of sadness and melancholia, fleeting euphorias and strong ego-moments, my self-esteem is sometimes steady but that only last days (or hours) Never steady, always changing. At times easily influenced…but the resulting feelings pass too, eventually.

  12. I wanted to compliment you on the site Elsa. I know how hard it can be. I am sure it was a labor of love. You did an amazing job!

  13. Yeah, I have learned more and more over time, that my confidence comes from within…I know who I am so people don’t bother me…take me or leave me…. I like compliments but the boost I get from them is fleeting as you described…sometimes they don’t even penetrate…my Saturn in scorp conjunct Pluto sextiles Neptune and opposes Venus… Sometimes flattery goes through one ear and out the other…on the flip side this makes me never give a shallow compliment..I always mean them. I hate giving compliments too… My Leo rising likes to but I always regret it…
    Because I hate to sound insincere, flattery is revolting to my Saturn in Scorpio.

    Tis what it tis.

    For the question, no its not wrong to be proud if your accomplishments, but what others say doesn’t matter if you know you’re awesome

    1. I agree, in regards to confidence. Generally speaking, I don’t lack confidence.

      As for the rest of it, I had a revelation when I was very young…like 10 years old, that I should just try really hard. And I have done exactly that since, 7 days a week.

      I can actually say with confidence, I do my best every day. I really, truly do my best every single day.

      When I perform at a lower standard for some reason…stress, fatigue, illness, whatever, I always know it. I don’t feel good when it happens so I really try to keep my ass in line.

      I don’t think this is a good idea for others. I am aware we all have charts and not only are they not the same, they are probably not similar either. So when I say these things, I am talking about myself.

      I’ve got to live my life – you have to live yours.

      1. I agree. I meant confidence as in self-esteem. I used to not have self esteem, but over time I learned that it doesn’t come from others. I remember you writing about this before… About what people say not really affecting you. That’s what I was meaning. I don’t think anyone who didn’t have confidence could do this line of work. I mean you pretty much know way too much about yourself to not be confident. I know astrology helped me in that regard.

        1. I wrote in forum, somewhere, if rejection is going to bother you, you really can’t be an astrologer, because you are going to be rejected everywhere you go.

          Then I write all this stuff…personal stuff.

          I’m telling you, I am everything a person should be if they want to be persecuted. I’ve come to a point where I see it and it’s irrelevant. It is just not important.. Also, I only have to think about it when it comes to my awareness, and this doesn’t happen that frequently.

          Here’s another irony!

          Even if it did happen frequently, it still wouldn’t matter. Because then it would become part of the landscape, like breathing air.

  14. Avatar
    Randall Collins

    If you haven’t, watch “The Secret” on I believe. It’s all about The Law of Attraction and it is extremely well presented. I think your questions will answered.

  15. Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back (the only path to serenity). So says Lao Tzu.
    I have Venus opposing Neptune and square Uranus so I can relate. I’ve had people say challenging things to me. And apparently I’ve said strange things to others (Mercury square Pluto). I’m around animals a bit and sometimes I just can’t get over how much we resemble them in our behavior towards each other.

  16. I have venus neptune leo scorpio. Sigh. I dunno, i just try not to put too much on anything these days. I work hard. Eventually i will get paid, i suppose. I just try to enjoy the day to day experiences that i have and the people that i encounter. I find life is a game. Now i just laugh when people try to mess with me. I look them straight in the eye and ask them to repeat that please. Instead of thinking self esteem, i just act like an actress on my own behalf. Lately, i just feel nothing really matters, as long as i stay out of jail. My thighs are starting to bother me though, hahaha. Time to go back to the gym.

  17. I have Neptune in Libra 1st house, along with Merc, Saturn in Scorp. Like that Lao Tzu. “do your work, then step back” Thanks EarthDog.
    Neptune 1house is not easy.

  18. A few weeks ago I wrote down: “goal; want to have a more permanent feeling of self-esteem.” So I can really relate to your post, and I have Venus in 12th (sort of Venus-Nept connection), but… transiting Neptune in Pisces now, is conjunct my progressed Venus, which makes it more present right now. Like now being in love with someone unattainable. Terribly insecure about my own appearance and intimidated by the appearance of beautiful ‘perfect’ looking women around me.
    But one thing, Elsa, I’vee your blog for a while now, and it seems like the minute you are proud of yourself, or expressing feeling good about what you achieved, you are charged with ‘arrogance’ or any other negative thing. Do you have Neptune in Scorpio? For me, from a distance, it seems like people get jealous of you as soon as you reach your goals and express your happiness about it. That’s their problem, not yours, you don’t have to change your attitude. Be proud, feel good, enjoy! just wanted to say. Now back to my own Venus-Neptune struggle 😉

    1. Brex, I agree. There are a lot of people who feed off my pain and hardship…and have a cow when I prevail against this odds, via concentrated hard work and perseverance.

      Thankfully, they are not the majority!

  19. I have Venus sq. Neptune AND Neptune in the 2nd, so self-esteem is a constant high and low. I try not to weigh it too much on what others think, but I have a delicate ego too (Leo) so that doesn’t help!

    When I’m high, I’m high! When I’m low, I’m low. But like Elsa said, I know neither will last very long.

    I could use some Aries and Tauri energy in my life 🙂

  20. I have natal sun square Neptune. That sucks too. I have a hard time with self esteem-sometimes; and I’m very hard on myself.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top