51 thoughts on “You Can’t Control What People Say About You”

  1. Thank you for this topic. Saturn transiting my 12th.. I have many social problems. I have issues with people finding me unattractive or other shit. It’s just this way. I’ve learned that people (guys) don’t always write me off for shallow reasons. And yet I bristle every day when I’m unloved and don’t belong. I don’t want to be some unconfident freak drooling for male validation at 40.. I think hitting my own goals and making my own accomplishments is the only way to break free from cycles of objectification in this patriarchal world.. easier said than done. Every day I bristle and can’t handle not being Ms. Pretty. I need only to prove myself to myself (Juno/Saturn/MC in Sag). Yet I feel so sorry for women objectified and violated by the male gaze.. I don’t blame them even if I am a bit jealous, I try not to hurt them because I know they suffer (unsolicited dick pics, the whole nine of creepy behavior..) It is a control issue and an ego issue, me not being able to handle being passed up.

    1. The good thing about this is that if you can resolve it, you’ll find yourself living an entirely different life. In other words, the time spent down tends to correlates with what happens, post a correction.

    2. A lot of male behavior upsets and angers me. There is a lot of unnecessary objectification of women that happens. A lot of men are not particularly in touch with their hearts and it leads to hurtful and shallow interactions with and treatment of women.

      At the same time, plenty of women also objectify men plenty, but in different ways. Men and women tend to express their egos differently.

      With women, they tend to objectify men as to status, financial security, HEIGHT (yeah, good luck getting dates if you are 5’8″ and below in most circles, especially with more attractive or femininely polarized women), and increasingly penis size seems to be becoming a criteria for a growing percentage of women. For most women, the latter is not a deal breaker if the man is an otherwise good and sensitive lover, but it seems the culture and media is putting more and more focus on it and most people are easily influenced by outside influences.

      Point being, let’s be balanced about all this. It’s not a one way street by any means.

      It is more one way in the sense that men have overly had too much power and control in and of the world, but then again, women have had their own power and influence, but in more subtle and behind the scenes ways. Oh what Alexander the “great” might have been, if he had had a healthy, loving, and kind mother! But alas, she in her imbalance, anger, and woundedness had a toxic and warping influence on him. That’s not to say that she is too blame for him becoming a destructive megalomaniac as the corruption of power is quite intoxicating and difficult to avoid in general, but he may have turned out a bit more healthy and balanced if she had been so.

      I consider myself so blessed to have had a very loving, spiritually intune, and awesome mother who was my good friend. And while I wish I had had her longer in my life, I did get to have her for about 20 years (well really more so 18 as cancer took up so much of her time and energy for a couple years).

      I use to put women on a pedestal. I no longer do this. Female bodies have some differences and similarities, and like male bodies, they have both their strengths and weaknesses. Ultimately, we are Souls that have both within our consciousness. My Soul is actually slightly imbalanced/polarized to the Yin/Feminine, but being connected to a male body tips the balance slightly towards the Yang/Masculine.

      The real trick and coin of a priceless value is integrating and merging them within ourselves. As I open up and attune more and more to Universal, unconditional Love, the more I tend to feel blended and meraged between these, a sort of S/he or HeShe.

      Btw, interesting factoid. The Feminine side of consciousness existed before the Masculine became consciously known and integrated. Source Itself, was originally polarized towards the Yin/Feminine. Source spent a long time in a sort of “void” and more resting/receptive/quiet state. It eventually became VERY lonely and unfulfilled with that (It was achingly all alone for a long, long time), and decided to become an active Creator, thus consciously integrating it’s Yang/Masculine side and becoming both and beyond either.

      Is it not interesting then that when babies are conceived, they all start out female before potentially switching to the male?

      Some very deep, “as above, so below” patterns and truths here.

      The deeper point being is that balance and integration is what is most helpful. There is enough polarizing imbalance and separatism in the world as is. Why contribute more to it? We are all the children of a most beautiful and transcendent Source, and with the same potential and same original likeness of same. It’s about time we start acting like it methinks.

      1. Thank you, Elsa.

        Justin, I just don’t agree with you. It kind of sounds like a “not all men” thing. I don’t think that difficulties women have and men have can be compared that way. I think men who are “feminine” or shorter or poorer are suffering from the pain of patriarchal standards just as women who are treated as nothing but bodies. I don’t see this as polarization. I see this as systemic and subtle oppression that can bother both genders. I don’t know that women have all that power, I get what you’re saying. But, didn’t Alexander the Great’s mother have to stay home? Women weren’t able to DO as much as men and were not socialized to have a hero’s journey. To me this is pitifully unfair. Why does a woman’s hero’s journey only end in marriage? These are old roots and threads. And they are painful. Oppressive standards is something we deal with every day. The women I know don’t want some kind of incredibly huge penis, just have to be able to know how to f–k (thickness matters more than length?)

        The reason you’re suffering from being Yin is also patriarchal notions of masculinity. Do you have self esteem issues? Does the lack of approval of women bother you? Obv I get bothered by this stuff.

        Objectification isn’t just perpetrated by particular men, it is baked into the culture 🙁

        It would be ideal to transcend these modes of behavior and be “star stuff” rather than just reacting to them.. but it is HARD. Maybe we are on the way.

      1. I gotta tell you Charlotte, I’ve been on that other side of the coin as well and for me it wasn’t liberating 🙁 could be my own problem. I feel like it’s the other side of objectification, being deigned too old or unusable as a sex object is also being objectified 🙁

        The fact is that our worth is determined by our body parts 🙁

        The only panacea I can think of is to create a rubric to determine my own worth.

  2. I have a 3rd house Virgo Pluto opposed my Pisces Chiron/Moon in 9th.

    Pluto is sitting on my Descendant right now, Saturn right behind.

    Being viciously gossiped about is par for the course. It never gets any better. I stopped caring long ago.

    1. Hi Sherry. I have the Pluto on Dc for the long haul, natally, opposing sun. Also it’s the finger of God: Pluto inconj venus/merc 12th and moon/chiron 2nd. I know what you mean and cant even begin to describe… I have to stay low if i want to avoid gossip, objectification, etc etc. But then my sun says…fck it! And there i go again… im a trouble magnet if i just play me! What can i do… Pluto is the dominant in my chart. Love/hate/love…

  3. Thank you Elsa! This is timely and hit the spot for me. Will replay often. Glad to see you looking well. Take care!

  4. Thank you Elsa. Great advice, it really does come down to control. Life is more serene once we let go and just “be”.

  5. Caring too much about what others think or say about me has injured me in so many ways. It affected my marriage, it has affected my self-confidence, my willingness to pursue my dreams, etc.
    There are times that I am sure that the whole world thinks I’m a POS. Or that my family thinks I just can’t make a sensible decision to save my life!
    Let’s see, what was it Madea said once?

    “Honey, folks are gonna talk about you ‘til the day you die, and ain’t nothing you can do. Let folks talk! It ain’t about what they call you….it’s what you answer to.”

  6. What people think of me is none of my business! Lol. Ive never really specifically cared about what people thought about me per se, but Ive bent over backwards trying to make sure that I dont make anyone uncomfortable, which is also a control issue.

  7. People trash talk you if you intimidate them with anything – attractiveness, intelligence, even kindness. It is an expression of their insecurity. Don’t let their projection of insecurity bring you down. There is only one you so be the best of that. I have moon in the forth and a prominent chiron so am very sensitive but have learned not to give others’ negativity any energy.

    1. Yes, agree with you on their expression of insecurity and its projection (shadow).
      I have Moon in 4th opposite Sun, Saturn & Pluto.
      I alway feel like I’m being judged & hate that! It gets old, after a while… & feels rather childish.

  8. So true holly. Moon conj chiron here. So you know easier said than done. That stuff hurts! I don’t think I can actually really wish any bad upon other people so I can’t relate to that behavior… I do, on the other hand, invoke their karma sometimes after they’ve wronged me… not perfect for sure. But comeuppance is real! Even years afterwards!

  9. I live in tiny island:everyone seems to own a piece of you
    Or remember when you peed your pants in 1st grade lots and lots of talk but
    Shake it off!!make you happy and share your love
    Yes it can feel like a tennis match,
    keep on swinging
    And breath deep it’s your world

  10. Mentally, I totally agree with what you say. But emotionally/physically the inner response is often still there. So the trick is to *observe* that emotional/physical reaction without acting it out in any way. Let it just roar through, like a wave, and move on. Maintain the understanding/objectivity that other people’s opinions are just that. They are not The Truth.

    Funny thing is people don’t have to even say anything: I can project all these opinions/criticisms. They may not even be real! First I make up a negative criticism, then I get bummed out about it. It’s all made up!! I did it to myself. What a crazy way to be creative.

    Reminds me of something someone said (about someone else): You could get in the boxing ring all by yourself and knock yourself out cold. Ha!

    What’s the astrology’s: Saturn opp Sun, Mars opp Neptune, Moon conjunct Pluto, lots of Aries in the 4th.

    1. ohhh aspire, I know what you mean. Maybe you need a boxing ring at home :p where’s your moon?

      Sometimes the grinding of Sun Saturn won’t shut up until after years of work to prove yourself to yourself.

      1. That’s an idea! ?
        Moon/Pluto Leo /8th house
        You are so right. Saturn definitely plays the loooong game – no quick fixes.

    2. Dear Aspire, I’ve done that very same thing. Creating an entire scenario in my head. To hell with ‘reality’! SMH at self.

  11. Solid advice! I gave up on controlling the narrative about me years ago. As long as I understand/accept my own behavior, that’s what counts.

  12. I really wish I didn’t care what people think of me. I feel like I spent too many years worrying about what others think. I developed bad social anxiety. It’s improved a bit over the years. I always seem to end up in situations where people are judging me / gossiping. I wish I could just be myself and not care.

  13. “If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.'”


  14. Lately I remember “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and other Eleanor Roosevelt quotes..

  15. I don’t know where I read that “self esteem” and “insecurity” are new concepts.. and that the idea of humility or the western Christian idea of being sinful and imperfect, and keeping your eye on moving toward perfection, was in place earlier. I wonder if Elizabeth II was insecure. It feels like insecurity is rooted in ego (“your worth”) rather than the longing for love.. it is the longing for approval. To be “good.” I wouldn’t say it’s stimulus toward pair bonding.. however insecurity is a symptom of humans being social animals probably. Could be cemented during Pluto in Leo.

  16. One question about this whole thing, though:
    What about those of us with a 10th house North Node? Should we not be MORE concerned about our reputation, rather than less? If others are talking trash about us, maybe that’s a sign we need to examine ourselves and improve?

    1. I find the NN just enlarged whatever it touches. It’s not necessarily the way forward. If you have planets in your 10th conjunct your NN, it would just make that planet extra visible publicly.

        1. Yikes! Lotsa very public upheavals, crisis…on the flip side you could come into contact with people in power (watch for harsh aspects to Pluto) and people who in one way or another are a transformative influence. Others might see you as powerful and react positively or negatively to that. The key is to “own” that power instead of attributing it to situations or a collection of people you meet in public. ?

  17. Hi Elsa, you look fantastic, whether or not you care for my opinion! So nice to see a recent video of you! I will have to listen and read comments when I get home. Happy New Moon to you and all who read this!

  18. My now-teen has asked what gives me my (she opines) overwhelming confidence; she noted that neither my parents or my upbringing were especially contributory.

    Well, I think the Natal promises everything in our experience and/or certainly gives us the potential to manifest for good or ill. Thus we should consider the following: I have Sun conjunct Jupiter (this magnifies confidence and the ego) a Leo stellium (Merc conjunct MC, Moon, Venus, Saturn), Uranus RX on the DC. I personify confidence BUT to appear “relatable”, as demanded by Uranus RX, I usually dial the crazy Lion act back a couple of notches.

    That’s not to say that certain situations can’t trigger my insecurities; after all I have Chiron on the DC. It’s rare, and when it happens I have try to extricate myself from the situation as gracefully as is possible; Pluto RX in Libra in 12th, Progressed Venus and Mars in Libra.

    If anyone

  19. Does anyone have any pointers on how to stop caring so much about your reputation? I’m very aware of this pattern but I don’t know how to stop it. Sometimes I ask myself what is the worst thing people could say about me anyway.

    I wish I could resolve this issue.

    1. A teacher of mine gave me this advice when I was 16 and it has stood me in good stead for…let’s just say I’m no spring chicken: we think everyone goes home to think about us but in truth, they only think about themselves.

      Yes, that’s right. Unless you’ve done something nasty to someone, chances are you won’t rate in their private thoughts. You might ask, but what if I’ve done something extremely good for them? The negative always has a greater impact than the positive which explains why you can read a whole bunch of glowing reviews, read 1 negative one and that sticks in your mind.

      So don’t worry so much about what people think of you. It’s not worth losing sleep over and if there’s a SPECIFIC person whose opinion of you that you want to find out about, you can always cast a horary, if you know how to.

  20. People always love to speculate, assume and gossip. At the end of the day, my own conscience is the one that counts, not what x,y,z thinks. It’s not healthy to want to control an image, when you’re out and about, you can’t control everyone else thinks about you but you can control yourself. You can create a mental space to delimitate from toxic people and situations. You can laugh about it, you can use it to motivate yourself to be even better than that or *in case the negative perceptions are a real thing, you can use them to change yourself. Put those haters/gossipers/critics to good use. Negative feedback is still feedback. Grow into your self, into your soul, as a person, not into meeting outer expectations as a persona.

  21. Great advice Elsa. I have never cared except when I was in grade school when you are entering a more upgraded social version of kindegarten. I got my feelings hurt lots. But once I discovered what my talents were, and running more with people who got them, I slowly got more confident. I just see it as “I am not what people see, they don’t know me. I am Spirit and they are too and if they want to waste time putting me down or being gossipy-that’s their problem”. Though I make it my best behvior not to do the same to others. The other day, I heard a co-worker whispering something about me that they overheard with a project I had to do and was talking to a manager about it and the manager was confused by why I would think something about the way it could be done. Once I explained and he had left – the two talking about me – walked by and looked at me like “she doesn’t know what she’s doing” kind of look. I did not feel like I would have when younger. I just said to myself ” they don’t know what’s involved or how to do this.” So I let it roll of my back though I was kind of annoyed…lol

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