“Okay, so I was reading just last night (!) about projection, the Shadow, and the 7th house from this lady: Rebeca Eigan
She says that if we’re consistently attracting stuff we don’t like in our partners, what we need to do is to embody those qualities ourselves so we’re not as attracted and attached to them in the Other.
So, let’s say I’m attracted to closet sex addicts and people who can’t commit to lunch, let alone anything long-term. By her logic, I now need to become the unavailable one and I dunno, troll Craigslist for multiple one-night stands so I’ll no longer attract people like that. Elsa, do you agree? I really don’t want to embrace my Shadow to that extent, but honey, my usual MO ain’t working, either.”
Avery, I do agree with her but you are talking about more than one thing here. Projection is something that occurs but it is neutral. You may project your shadow (Pluto) but you may also project your positive qualities (Venus) as I outlined in the video.
As to your specific example if you are constantly attracting non-committal sex addicts chances are you share these issues but your solution is misguided, as you know. 🙂
Must easier and less destructive to simply stop what you are doing and ask yourself what you have in common with these people you keep meeting and then allow the answer to that question come to your consciousness because it will.
Once you integrate this side of your personality you will no longer keep meeting these types. Your psyche will send up a new signal and it will be well worth the trouble because you will be off in a new direction and more of a whole person to boot. This is what I call liberation by the way.
What do you constantly attract?
Skip to “Are You Being Facetious?”
Beautiful clarification, thanks. 🙂
I don’t believe that Eigan’s logic is (and that of The Shadow) a concept that may be broken down into (a) and (b) and (c).
I constantly attract bullies–pardon, I used to always attract bullies–and the logic/answer is not to become a bully. The answer is to assert myself in a way that neutralizes the transaction.
I completely agree with Elsa, integration is key. It was too easy for me to say “Everyone is so mean to me!”
I realized it was MY responsibility to stand up for myself, and furthermore my responsibility to find a new course of action. These people/situations are playing roles in OUR life, and we choose them. I choose every single person in my life to be there, and yes it is liberating to accept that.
trying to understand the logic:
so does this mean that i attract the “unavailables” because of my own fear of committment? or fear of being loved? or just plain fear?
i love what you say about seeing… what we have in common with those we attract….
it’s so easy to get discouraged about the partnership thing. or lack of it.
Forgot to mention: regarding what i attract:
it used to be emotionally unavailable, sexually intense men. Not exactly sure what it is these days. i think it’s changing a bit…
Now, i’m not a one-night-stand kind of girl and not what i consider “sexy” in some kind of obvious or traditional way. But seemed to draw in men who seek out no-strings sex. I would wonder what i was exuding and i still get confused (ah venus square neptune)….
Is it old chiron in the 8th in aries that screams out “sex therapist!” or something?
True story: i was always the girl the good guy dated RIGHT BEFORE he found the love of his life
moonpluto I have serious commitment issues (childhood-abandonment rooted, yes, but past-life related as well).
But I do have commitments, and can’t seem to escape half of the useless ones, but I try too hard to break away (Sun opposed Uranus?)
Before I was in the place I’m at now I used to ONLY attract men who were emotionally unavailable–it fit my fear of commitment perfectly. Then I went through a STRING of partners who had one thing in common: a dead parent or sibling. Yeah.
My current partner has that in common with the other partners, but it works well for many other reasons.
kashmiri, I didn’t really think it was that simple; I was just being a pill.
I know who I am and what I have to do from here on out. Blaming them isn’t going to cut it anymore. I’ve been literally asking for it.
You rock, kashmiri.
Avery… my intention was to be encouraging, so I’m certainly glad you interpreted it that way.
I quite like pillish people, it’s good to be intellectually stimulated 😉
I have had some pretty decent relationships and I don’t regret much as far as they go. They were good men, and they still are. My sun, Mercury, and Virgo are in the 7th.
I like the concept of “asking yourself what you have in common with these people” and I can definitely say it was mostly that we shared beliefs about how people should be, or how we wanted to be, or how life should be, or something along those lines. I find it very difficult to relate to someone who believes in things I believe are wrong: outlawing gay marriage, for instance. How can I respect someone who wants to vote for Huckabee? I am not sure.
Haha, I meant my Venus (in Virgo) is in the 7th. Leo is on the cusp, though. Whoops.
In 2006 I attracted two unhealthy individuals to me and was deeply wounded by my ability to do this. I had worked hard on myself for many years and here I am attracting a new ‘bad’ sort. I wondered what was wrong with me. I pondered on this for a bit, then decided to try a different route in seeking love and to really look at myself objectively and wholely to attract what I wanted/needed. After reflecting on this, I challenged myself to be happier, healthier and to weed out the rest. I was on a mission. Though I have no problem meeting people on my own, I went online to meet ‘many differnt types of guys’. As I went on a ton of dates in a month, kept it light w/ coffee or dinner(and nothing physical) and met ‘the one’. This was hard for me, as my usual MO is to meet someone, it’s kismet and a year later it sucks. Since meeting my SO, the only person I have ever called my soulmate, we are getting married in less than five months. It is not perfect, but it feels more right than anything and perfect for us.
I had to really want it and I had to really work on myself and seek it out. I was totally channeling the arien archetype to transcend things.
I’m just trying to be clear that I understand here –
So by channeling the Arien archetype Gem you feel you attracted some obstacle to transcend?
Well, I decided I was going to find what I was looking for instead of waiting around. I looked at my issues, what I was projecting on others and decided it was me all along. I needed to be ok with me and not blame someone else for my unhappiness and not finding the love I wanted. It takes two. I went against my grain and did something more like an aries I suppose (maybe not a good analogy), but I stayed focused, went out a lot, filtered out what I didn’t like and just kept looking until I found it. I can’t explain it any other way right now. I wrote that two minutes before I had to be at work, so sorry if it is short/confusing.
What I meant by transcending was I just went beyond my usual MO and it worked. I recall Elsa saying that sometimes it is helpful to use the next sign after yours to trancend things..so I did. I got gumption.
Gotta run.
Gem,
That’s a great story, and it sounds like you did a ton of work.
“I challenged myself to be happier, healthier and to weed out the rest. I was on a mission.”
I think I’m going to try this! Do you have Aries on the 7th house?
No but mars is conjunct my sun and mercury in leo. I’m not the typical ‘outgoing/uber confident) leo though..more subdued really. I am growing into it more 🙂 and the fire aspect.
Elsa,
Many thanks for sharing this information. I have long been interested in Jung (no treatment by a Jungian yet though!) and astrology. This article was also very appropriate since a friend of mine (Scorprio) has recently had terrible problems with her brother projecting things onto her that she is not responsible for. I am forwarding the link to her and hope that it will help her to understand her irrational (at this time) Leo brother. I am going to need time to process this information for myself. Thanks again!
I have capricorn rising. I’m always attracting useless idiots (but their very motherly!).
The ones with their feet so rooted in the practical world can be so boring. There has to be room for a little rascal, a little magic. But perhaps this quality needs refinement so the criminals don’t come out of the woodwork or bored people looking for a thrill.