On Being A Conundrum

Santa long listI wrote the newsletter about the planets in Leo and the Uranus square… plus moon, Mercury, Neptune. It’s been less than an hour and something utterly new to me, came to me, about myself!

Okay, I think that’s funny. Me, me, me. But I’ve been performing self-exam, both formally and otherwise for many years. It’s been a long time since I had a radical insight.

Many are aware of how I piss people off, either right away or over time. I am sure there are numerous theories about this. I could sit here and rattle of fifty of them and it would probably be the tip of an iceberg.  You see, Santa, there, looking over a list of my flaws.

What hit me today is, Neptune. It’s exhausting. Neptune on my midheaven, I mean.

People fix on me; maybe I am a character they like or they think they like me.  But then I do or say something outside their schema; it’s disrupts them and they’re thrown from their horse.

Many they get back on their horse. I’m still pretty interesting, right? But I keep doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it; like a jackhammer.

I know this and I try to stop or rather, I try to figure out how to stop. I know most people like me would not do this, but I have Libra, so there is really no choice. I have to try to be non-offensive but I also have to be honest.

The only way to never offend is to be a superficial, disingenuous, capitulating, two, three, four or five-faced liar. This is akin to behaving like a sociopath and I’m just not going to do it. But over time, these insults of offenses people suffer at my hand, add up. A person will start gathering my errors… in judgement, in grammar, whatever. They build a case against me and it’s pretty solid too. Very solid!  But then what happens? It dissolves. It dissolves and very nearly causes a reset to occur. At that point, this process repeats.

How often this happens and how many times is variable to the individual but eventually, enough is enough – why?

I might have said or did something particularly offensive but more often, I think a person just gives up.  I’m too hard to define, too disruptive, too challenging, irritating, pontificating, etc.

I’ve understood this for years.  My new insight puts the lack of definition as the main problem.  Society, really like to see things and people tagged and organized into stark categories. It’s gross because the categories are inorganic.  To fit in one, you have to hack of some body part or a chunk of brain or whatever.  But all people are a conundrum, if you get to know they beyond the superficial.

This blog is the only place in the world where I can even begin to be myself. I really hope you can be yourself here as well.

28 thoughts on “On Being A Conundrum”

  1. I was just contemplating my Neptune this morning when I woke up😄 I love the Synchronicitys!! Great post by the way! I agree with “societies categories ”
    My Neptune is 24 degrees of Pisces in my 12th house…I always feel in my own world and have never been able to match those boxes and categories. Making me feel like something is wrong with me..this sheds so much light on what I was thinking earlier… thank you Elsa and thank you University.😊

  2. ‘Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not.’ Title of the Arctic Monkeys’ debut album in 2006. I remember seeing it in the shops, back when you still bought music in brick and mortar outlets, and thought “Tell me about it”. Neptune conjunct Moon and Mars on the MC in Scorpio. I have been projected on more times than Louis B Mayer’s private screening room. Aquarius is a sign which deals in types and categories, for good or ill, so I will be interested to see how Pluto grinds through our current classification mania.

      1. That’s something that had occurred to me. The trans personal element in Aquarius, which can be a good thing (in terms of seeing what we have in common not what is different/divisive/separating) has a darker side. I do see AI as a perfect Pluto in Aquarius storm. ‘Oh brave new world, that has such creatures in it.’

  3. You’re not just a teller of stories, you are a Keeper of the stories. Language and wording may change [over eons], but the *meaning* doesn’t. Being a Keeper of Stories is also the Keeper of History. This is so important that it was the basis of Brehon Law of early Ireland, all based on oral history. You have to earn that right/responsibility. The Australian Indigenous also kave similar setup. To have facts without the rest is not history.
    Big Stories hunt you down all the time, and you face every one. To contain a galaxy brain and distill it through in a constuctive manner is really REALLY hard to do! And while by your example of inability to be inauthentic within your self, it can be [is! lol] confronting to others to have to level up within themselves, but the growth afforded is invaluable. I have to say, it’s a lot lighter, brighter and inspiring than some of my Plutonian friends drawing out of, of inner drives!

    1. I had an afterthought, I guess it’s obvious, but I was thinking about the man who visited us a couple weeks ago.
      He’s been all over the world, all his life, but it’s entirely possible I am the only public record of his persona.

      Or how about my old lady neighbor in Desert Living?
      The Old Man’s bar?


      Red Handtruck
      And so many more.

      It’s Jupiter. True stories educate you, this is why they’ve being eradicated from the internet.

      Further, no one will be able to write them in the future, due to not being able to compose, after growing up dependent on AI.

      1. exactly! Look at this fella, he had no choice but to let it flow. Those gonzo tapes changed many peoples worlds.
        “If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up.”
        ― Hunter S. Thompson

      2. And Henry, and Mary…
        Has the mystery man read what you wrote about him yet? Have you searched for any articles about him? You could end up becoming his official biographer!
        Pluto has been through Aquarius many times without wiping out humanity. Perhaps the Artificial Humanity will be purged instead.

            1. Thank you! I would be curious who likes what and why. I like California best because it’s all dialogue and quite complex if you pay attention. Plus it’s astonishing.

              1. Avatar
                Aquarius Lurker

                For me, the twists are ‘Whaaaat?!’ but never fear – the story ends as predicted. California was huge and sprawling, Juvie was medium, LB was bite sized, but whatever the case, they all ended well.

          1. What a wonderful man! If only they could live forever, timeless.
            I ended up reading several more, of course!

    1. I had to look up “aspic” and no I’m not sure. I wrote what came to my mind, nothing more or less.

      Later in the day, I can distill it in this way: It’s exhausting for the modern person to have to grapple with the whole of a person, especially when they’re convoluted in some way or throwing off what can be seen as mixed signals.

      Like it or not, I was raised in an odd way, on multiple levels and had a strange early life. I am not going to be like most people. It fascinates people, initially, but over time, it fucks with their head, and it doesn’t seem to ever stop because I never stop.

      I would like to stop and I will take the first viable offramp. Not that I expect to see one, but if I do see one, I will take it without question, because if it’s there, it’s because I’m supposed to take it!

  4. Regarding placed categories, they ARE inorganic! The either/or too. Duality is boring. I’ve recently learned of the Number Tree or TREE3 [math ftw! I get so lost with it tho!] which basically says 3 variables are needed to not go extinct. In all spheres! Hence [in my mind] the triplicities ARE the secret! With triangles comes circles and patterns. If we were to restructure our societal thought, we need to determine what *IS* the missing variable? You happen to be a very good representation of why so many stick with their dualities, for being accountable for self is the third. The point that gives perspective, depth and distance.

    1. I’ve read and reread this post and come back this this: the 3 and relate to it as an gardener and seed planter who is still open to learn. For many years my lifestyle found us moving a lot, no opportunity to ground or root. Instead of planting seed into earth I learned to blog and planted dozens of them. Before AI was a thing. I was never hugely popular too obtuse and controversial. What mattered was to get the stories down.
      3 years ago I became physically I’ll from TOo much internet. Unplugged. We have found earth to settle, ground to plant, medicine to grow and THIs simple planting approach: plant triangles, and when seeding pat the seeds firmly in place then love it just as a baby loves being swaddled.
      The triangle allows for maximum air flow and eventually light attraction.
      Organic beingness. Nothing added, but everything possible.

      1. oh nice Moki! I never thought of triangle beds, though a few have popped up here out of space constraint, that adds another level. The threes though! You’ll notice that Nature is odd, way more than even, landscapers use this, groups of 3s and 5s look way more natural than 2s and 4s. But also the Three Sisters! the sacred triple planting; Corn/Maize Beans & Squash <3 it *is* all about the seeds!

  5. I have sun squ asc so people also don’t get me which can be really frustrating for me. Not to mention sun conj s.node too. I’m like a beautiful, invisible woman.

  6. Avatar
    Shimmering Light

    Elsa, you said elsewhere that you have Uranus in the 7th. Are Neptune on the Midheaven and Uranus in the 7th linked by square? That would certainly complete the picture: you may come across as irritating, disruptive, fresh, and unusual (Uranus in 7th) whilst also coming across as creative, inspiring, somewhat glamorous and hard to define (Neptune on MC) in your public persona. The square aspect would give these two energies an edge and a drive.

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