The soldier and I planned to watch a movie last night that was sure to stir his emotion as it depicts a real battle that he was part of. I watched the movie 5 years ago when we first started talking but we have postponed watching it together because it’s just so intense.
This was the agenda for the evening and in the afternoon the box of pictures landed which did not impact him the way they did me probably because he has sense but in any case eventually it was time to watch the movie.
“Come on, P, let’s watch this,” he said with the movie in his hand, obviously stirred. “I don’t know how much I am going to like seeing this,” he said.
“I know but listen. Are we going to put that movie in and deal with your feelings right now? Should we not do something to resolve mine first?”
“P, your feelings are complex. It would take 50 years and a team of motherfuckers… I mean it would take a team of educated bastards and they still wouldn’t get anywhere near resolving your feelings or figuring you out.”
I was quiet because it was impossible to argue. Shades of the Little Match Girl.
Are there things or feelings in your life you just can’t resolve?
Yes, I’ve been working on the whole betrayal and rejection thing all my life it seems, and the closest I get to resolution is just a determination not to abandon MYSELF anymore. It keeps happening to me though, so there must be something else I’m supposed to be getting or doing or not doing.
Mostly I just force myself not to think about those things for too long lest the energy I produce while thinking about them attracts more energy like it . . . I get busy with some work or pick up a book or turn the stereo up.
I know how it feels when there are two people and both are feeling some strong stuff and need to deal with it now, yet one has to yield to the other so they can at least start; not fun to be the one who has to wait. I hear you Elsa P.
Of course. I’m a Libra. The defining thing in my life is that there never seems to be a definite answer to anything at all. Nothing is ever resolved for me, or so it seems–especially not my feelings. Instead, I have to just make some kind of choice about [insert topic of choice] and then learn to live with the fact that things usually still feel unresolved. I’ll weigh something long after a choice has been made and it is too late to go back, evaluating my feelings and attempting to come to some sort of elusive balance–and sometimes, for a few glorious hours, I might achieve said balance, but most of my life is spent in the weighing. Or maybe I’m just crazy.
Yep, I have lost a lot of connections. I can’t help but defend myself, because no one actually understands my viewpoint. I’m dealing with liars, and actors. The ones that set situations up to better their argument because they just can’t stand to see someone with as much confidence as myself. I do admit responsibility for my actions,but I won’t let go of how I’ve been treated. I will not stand to be treated anyway. I will demand respect. Hahaha yeah right. I’ll ask for respect. lol
Yes, I’ve feelings that I cannot resolve, but other feelings got resolved already, not that I resolved them but life did it for me, so I am confident that others will get resolved one day too. Maybe they’re just what I need to keep going. Sagittarius Moon keeping the faith 🙂
yes.
so far, at least.
No. I’m mutable and predominantly Pisces. Every day is a new bouquet of feelings.